My work insisting I refer to a 9 year old as they/them

[TheMadGardener]

I work in a British primary school. Just started new term. Long standing pupil, a girl, is starting Year 5 now so she is 9 years old. No issues until now although parents are quite "alternative/new age."

Headteacher has informed staff that according to the child and her parents this girl has decided to be non-binary. Staff are now to refer to her as they/them and she is now using a gender-neutral shortened version of her name (think Alex instead of Alexandra or Jo instead of Joanna).

I am extremely uncomfortable with this and will definitely not be using they/them - I will be referring to the child by her chosen abbreviation to avoid using pronouns (at least it's a shortening of her real name rather than a made-up name).

Serious question: I thought new legislation discouraged schools from getting on board with this sort of thing? Or is it only they can't let children do it without parents knowing?

I'm finding it very hard to keep my mouth shut on my actual opinions in the presence of headteacher. (Colleagues I've spoken to on the quiet all think it is bullshit too)

What do you think this child means when they say they are ‘non binary’?

Where do you think they picked up this term?

Being gay is something completely different. It is clearly defined and physically experienced.

I wonder occasionally if a child (or adult) said that the magical man(?) in the sky is a voice in their head that tells them to do things would society support the belief that they are a prophet, that they are not serious or that they may need intervention?

What's the consequence of being misgendered? A tantrum like a toddler?

You don't sound like you know anyone who is non-binary. They aren't idiots, they know sex is real, they just don't want to be treated like it defines them. Get out and meet some people.

Seems like parents are influencing their child. Alternative or traditional, parents imposing their thoughts and beliefs on little children is so self centred.

I don’t know what’s the right thing to do to not get into trouble with your work. But a 9 year old child cannot have their fully developed head or have gone through puberty to know their sexual preferences to conclude they are non- binary.

They know that sex is real, they just don’t want to be treated like it defines them

That's true of everyone though, isn’t it?

This bit I agree with and its why I have personal questions about the whole subject. Biologically I am female but I have no idea what "feeling female" feels like because I have never felt any way to compare it with. I do know though that I feel content to be me.

Setting aside batshit parents, I do think that there are people of all ages around who don't feel "content to be them" and who shouldn't be stopped doing what they need to do, that is age appropriate, and does not harm others, to make them feel more "content to be them"

As an aside, there are people who are born with the sexual characteristics of both sexes. Its called intersex or DSD. You can google it.

Yes there are people with DSDs. They are all either one sex or the other.

Of course is it but the they them NB don't want to have to deal with the boringness of being just like everyone else

Encouraging a 9 year old to explore whether they're gay or not is a major safeguarding fail. Children should be safeguarded from age inappropriate issues and be allowed to mature and develop at their own pace.

Adults shouldn't be discussing sexuality and sexual identity with children too young to understand the concepts. That's safeguarding 101, not bigotry. Outside of course the "Abigail has 2 mummies" or "Uncle Jack lives with his boyfriend because he loves him" narrative that we use with children.

It's perfectly reasonable for to discuss this issue and throwing around words like bigot or bot as a silencing technique just highlights how limited the arguments are for justifying a 9 year old being told she's neither a boy or girl.

And a 9 year old decided that?

Just how exactly does someone get treated when their sex defines them?
How do they get treated differently when they deny they're the sex that they are?
What is it that the 'rebelling' against?

Questions, questions!

I’m female because my body developed along a mullerian pathway to produce large gametes.

No that is not a social construct, it is a biological mechanism observable across all mammalian species.

Exactly how is being ‘non binary’ experienced physically?

And why do so many young people not understand that there is no right or wrong way to be male/female? Because of the messages they get from society, social media etc. You only have to look on here at posts to see gender stereotyping is stronger now than it's been for a long time. The posts with 'oh we knew he was gay' no you didn't you knew he presented himself differently'

Ridiculous. The lunatics running the asylum in afraid .

I mean you say gay wasn't accepted in the 70's and 80's but I can think of a couple of examples of homosexuals being represented pretty positively in TV shows from the UK. The one that's most prominent in my mind was porridge, Lukewarm is a very nice openly homosexual character, there's even an episode where we see his partner.

This is an excellent point.

The problem with the UK is everyone is yo afraid to call out the utterly absurd. The whole UK needs to give it's head a massive wobble and use common sense . No one died from being offended.

Gosh, I'm glad I'm not miserable enough to be bothered by this.