My work insisting I refer to a 9 year old as they/them

[TheMadGardener]

I work in a British primary school. Just started new term. Long standing pupil, a girl, is starting Year 5 now so she is 9 years old. No issues until now although parents are quite "alternative/new age."

Headteacher has informed staff that according to the child and her parents this girl has decided to be non-binary. Staff are now to refer to her as they/them and she is now using a gender-neutral shortened version of her name (think Alex instead of Alexandra or Jo instead of Joanna).

I am extremely uncomfortable with this and will definitely not be using they/them - I will be referring to the child by her chosen abbreviation to avoid using pronouns (at least it's a shortening of her real name rather than a made-up name).

Serious question: I thought new legislation discouraged schools from getting on board with this sort of thing? Or is it only they can't let children do it without parents knowing?

I'm finding it very hard to keep my mouth shut on my actual opinions in the presence of headteacher. (Colleagues I've spoken to on the quiet all think it is bullshit too)

Its not kind to lie to children. You can't change sex, or have no sex.

As an adult, try it. You’ve a fully formed identity Yellow. Get everyone you know to call you he/him and yellow for a month.
Obviously this wouldn’t have the same impact as on a 9 year old, who is only just working out if they deserve their wishes to be respected or not, but it might give some insight.

Wow, you have been calling the other poster bot from their very first response. Anyone having a different view from you is referred by you as a bot? And you talk about respect?

Exactly. We need to go back to fighting social stereotypes. Not telling 9 year olds they are somehow not the sex they actually are

jfc wtaf is this post??

below is the statutory RSE curriculum.

female is the term used to describe biological sex for humans, all mammals, which we are, and much of the animal and plant kingdom.

Don’t be daft. Being male or female is a matter of biology and not a social construct. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t any kind of social construct that led to a baby being expelled from my vagina 😂

Is this a mass invasion from reddit or something?

To be clear, I was not directing the word bigot at anyone here, though I acknowledge I did not make that clear. I apologise if it seemed it was directed to those on this thread. I actually had in mind the balaclava- clad idiots who threatened the RNLI when using that word.

🌺 Gosh, you’ve got the patience of a saint.

Note that teaching is to include the busting of gender stereotyping.

I find it fascinating that people bring up 'history' in this context. Until a few years ago, no one used the terms trans or non-binary in this context.

but they do not have "a sexed body" they have physical characteristics of both sexes.

“Harry doesn’t feel as if she’s a human being. We must pretend there’s no such thing as humans and pretend she’s a dinosaur and what’s more we’re being howwibly crewooool if we don’t go along with it” 🙄

Yep. They/them is ridiculous. It's a plural pronoun (even when used as a pronoun when you don't know the gender because you're saying 'he or she'). It's confusing as hell and put me off a series of Taskmaster with Mae Martin. I loved watching Mae, as always, but cringed every time people had to say 'they' and at one point, it caused a misunderstanding because I thought the whole group was being talked about.. it's not good when your language no longer makes sense.

At the point where language stops making sense, and people have to constantly think in order to self-correct - you've taken your narcissism too far. Pick a pronoun (he or she) and whichever you choose, I will use that. I genuinely can't even remember to use they/them.

Married-status titles are not plain wrong/inaccurate, though, that's the difference.

The parents of this child are not doing her any favours. Even at Primary school sex matters: which toilet to use, where to get changed for PE/ swimming etc. Sex is recorded on official school records, academic progress is recorded and included in sex based records that the school produces and which form part of the wider statistics that inform schools, local authorities and the government of attainment. Next year the child’s sex will help to determine which secondary schools she applies to , and where she will be offered a place.

At best this is a family which needs to have a serious discussion about the difference between sex and gender and how one really matters in terms of physical and social development and the other doesn’t because gender identification is a made up theory and the only people who think it is important are the people who can’t see beyond out dated social stereotypes of how boys/ girls, women / men should act and present themselves.

At worst this is a child who needs some gentle guidance to help her grow emotionally. It is not helping her to pander to misinformation and delusion.

KCSIE 2026 says schools should only consider supporting social transition where the child or their parent has requested it. Schools should not initiate social transition themselves. Where a child requests it, parents should be involved unless the school considers that doing so would create a significant risk of harm to the child.

Have you not bothered to read KCSIE this year, or are you playing ignorant to cause a froth? Neither looks great when you're a teacher with a statutory duty to read KCSIE.

Thank you your experience. How do you experience it when you were referred to as he/him? How do you experience it in your body when somebody disrespects you? How do you experience it in your body when you feel anxious? What is the regulation of your autonomic nervous system? Feel like to you? You know when you feel threatened how does that feel to you?
Emotions are not experienced in the absence of a physiological response. This is true for both positive and negative emotions, excitement, and anxiety are 2 sides of the same coin physiologically.
can you imagine how it would feel for everybody in your life to start calling you? He/him, and maybe even change your name away from the name you identify as? How would that feel to you when you sing hundreds of times a day but that’s not who I am? That has a physiological impact.
I too am gender critical.
I am a parent of a non-binary child.
I am also a professional with insight into this area.
Luckily I realise I would do far more damage not to let a child explore their identity, imposing my beliefs onto them, then letting them develop knowing they deserve respect and that their opinion matters .

Calling someone a particular name is not the same as calling them by a nonsense or wrong sex-based pronoun.

Nope, just one person, to give them direct personal experience of what it feels like to be repeatedly misnamed. Sometimes empathy needs a helping hand.

That's a stretch.

Every single person with a DSD has a dominant pathway. In terms of gamete production (the indicator of sex) they will have developed down one pathway or another, albeit with complications along the way.

The very most that been observed, in the rarest of cases, is tissue from an opposite-sex organ of gamete production. But that tissue is a million miles away from having a functional ovary for example.

He does 😁