Everyone scarper, the rozzers are coming

[ArabellaScott]

Dawn Butler's called the polis on us! Quick everyone, namechange and look busy.

https://twitter.com/DawnButlerBrent/status/1737853431413657806

Could someone tell Dawn I can't possibly let the rozzers in because I haven't got matching towels in the guest room and besides I have social anxiety? No one has successfully visited my house since the Traumatic Gas Meter Reading Incident of 1963.

Honestly, for the love of Mumsnet...

I'm just going to stick my neck out here...

... and say I have no idea how giraffes wank.

Sorry.

Look, I'm seriously worried about these gay giraffes.

Are they being PROPERLY gay in the Stonewall manner of anyone of any sex who says so according to gender? Or are they <sorry Dawn> being evilly and homosexually sexually racist?

Because if so, the met are going to need bigger vans.

This is disappointing RedToothBrush. You're usually so knowledgeable.

Janice took it home with her after the last meeting and now she's away visiting the grandkids until New Year. We must have someone who can pick locks within our gang of six surely?

If someone can get the door open I'm quite happy to hide a couple of women's rights in next doors shed for a week or two.

Hedgehogs wank themselves off too! Or should I say blow themselves. They curl up and the males really go to down on a good suck job. They seem to really enjoy doing it too

No it bloody wasn't mumsnet hq!

Bagsy lookout...

What, with the recipient up a ladder? Or do they have really, really flexible necks?

I've already got an alibi! I was busy making a massive salad 🥸

Oh they have incredibly flexible necks!

If a human tried to wank a giraffe, I suspect it'd look something like bellend ringing. Which at least could be seasonal 🤔

I think I have found my limitations. MPs and her gay giraffe friends.

I know we're not supposed to kink shame but...

So many questions about why you know how long and how much hedgehogs like doing this.

There are laws you know. The police will be all over you.

Ohhhh. Good?

Also, how do you know?

And has anyone told Dawn Whatsherface?

Do giraffes have spotted dicks?

😂nice.

Must not make joke about deep throating.

Currently in the back garden burying my stickers....

I used to have a pet hedgehog. It’s well known that boys like their boy time….and leave their stuff on their chest

I’ve been watching a lot of nature programs….plus if you ever see them fight, it’s all about the neck. Like two aggressive feather boas

Oh God I have zoo membership, I'm so worried that I'm supporting a transphobic organisation who offers a giraffe-only space to giraffes instead of putting them in with the lions at the lions' say-so. 😱

Giraffes have the same number of neck vertebrae that we have, just seven. That why they do that weird splits thing if the need a drink. Not much in the way of flexibility at all.

Which is just as well, the dirty bastards. Because, if they could, they would.