Everyone scarper, the rozzers are coming

[ArabellaScott]

Dawn Butler's called the polis on us! Quick everyone, namechange and look busy.

https://twitter.com/DawnButlerBrent/status/1737853431413657806

Thinking of hanging myself in after a night on the run and hiding in the woods I’m quite looking forward to a hot cup of tea darn the nick

Handing myself in 😂 unless the government are thinking of bringing back corporal punishment due to our crimes

Awesome, erm, random poster. Nice to meet you. Not seen you round here at all before. Do you like Tunnock's tea cakes by any chance?

A coward you are, Withnail! An expert on bulls you are not!

Right, the youngest is busy building a catapult in order to launch tea cakes over the clink walls when necessary (dark chocolate because we shouldn't let our standards drop) & I'm starting to embroider this on a nice banner-

I'm beginning to wonder if it might be because Mumsnet is the only major platform dominated by women's voices. Justine MNHQ

But not voting for them!

I’m tucked up in bed with a virus, all gravelly cough and watery eyes, and wheezing with laughter at this thread. Good old Mumsnet. If you hear a wheezy cackle echoing round the cells, that’s me, with you in spirit.

Felix where are you?

Thats a good point: where is our In-house Plod who generously points out when we’re wrong?

Maybe, as an insider, he’s coordinating the mass rounding up of dangerous MNers.

Just had a police car pull up outside the house! Got myself all ready, made sure the back door was locked etc, put my coat on, but it's one of the neighbours being arrested!

(Takes coat back off and goes back to waiting.)

There was a police car at the end if my road, but I seem to have got away with it for now.

Is Felix the new Rolf? Blowing his whistle and pointing at the gravestones?

Wipes tea cake mellow off my face... I'm not sure I'll just eat another ten to make sure if I like them or not!

Tunnock’s tea cakes! I knew there was something I’d forgotten!

(Adds to Go Bag).

As an extra security measure I’m going to get the red and silver foil from a tea cake surgically implanted into my hip so should I wake up with no memory of my former self when I’m on the run, it will be the trigger to help me trace the tea cake crumbs back to figuring out my true identity. I’ll inscribe it with “follow the ribbons”.

I was starting to wonder if he was Twitter Tom. He could be a bit busy over there between shifts. Or he could be on his holibobs now CF is no longer being charged.

Summon the Tucker…

I notice that a lot of people see Mumsnet as a single entity - a sort of multi-headed hydra in which the thousands of different women all share the same opinion…
It's very telling about the way women are seen - not as individuals with their own opinions but as a single shrieking monster.

Don't recall the poster who once styled this as perceiving MN as a be-cardiganed monolith. Optional pearls for the clutching, of course.

Ok,I'm being think I'm sure: is "protestant tray bake" a typo or a thing? With all the gay giraffes and self pleasuring hedgehogs,I'm not risking my harddrive on anything a bunch of nasty and vile mneters say😁

It's OK, they can use these cars

An Asda van pulled up next door. I did wonder if the Police had commandeered extra vans to round us up, but nope, it is Margaret having a net of nuts and a few sprouts delivered.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 sense will come again: we can laugh. The tras can't and reality is on our side(anyway,back to trying to rtft without laughing my head off)

Protestants do make an excellent traybake to be fair to them.

I can do that.

Duck sex had to appear on this thread because

Q: What time does a duck wake up?
A: At the quack of dawn!

I'll get my coat.

How do you nominate for classics?

Dial 911 and ask for Mumsnet.