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Original poster

How much do we contribute?

64 replies

KatieBenz · 20/08/2019 19:36

I haven’t been on this site for years, so go easy on me!
Eldest son is getting married in 2021. Originally, he and his fiancée were going to fund their wedding themselves, but now we have been asked to contribute. We were always going to give them money towards it (as a gift) or pay for their honeymoon, but it seems that we (and her parents) are now being asked to contribute a significant percentage. The ‘simple’ affair that they were originally talking about seems to be getting a bit out of hand. I don’t mind giving them £2-3k, but I’m reluctant to give anymore. What do you think?

OP posts:
OttilieKnackered · 20/08/2019 19:37

They asked you? I’d give them nothing.

Rachelover40 · 20/08/2019 19:40

If you give them £3,000, that would be great but they can't expect a gift as well. In fairness, they probably wouldn't.

Nonnymum · 20/08/2019 19:40

I think it's up to you what you contrinute. Just tell them what you can afford/want to give them and they will have to plan their wedding based on how much they have. Don't be bullied into giving them more than you want to. I think they are a bit rude asking to be honest. It's one thing for parents to offer another for them to expect it.

mummyof2darlings · 20/08/2019 19:42

They actually asked you I would never dream of asking my parents for money towards my wedding if we can't afford it we would move the date or choose a cheaper option how rude of them the only thing I have said to family is when they say you must have something I say well if it's not in budget and you really want it you will have to pay for it if it's not on my list of important items lol I really wouldn't contribute to someone who demands you pay!!! X

sunshinesupermum · 20/08/2019 19:45

What nonnymum says.

Way back when my eldest daughter got married 10 years ago we gave them £5K towards all their costs which included a sit-down dinner after the ceremony. Inlaws didn't contribute except to pay for more food for the evening 'buffet' to which they invited a further number of guests invited than the 80 DD and SiL could afford!)

We also gave them something off the wedding list.

Treem · 20/08/2019 19:47

Hmm, that's rude of them to ask but no point in getting things off to a bad start if you were going to offer anyway.

Go with a smaller amount than you are prepared to spend. So offer them 2k and then you still have the 1k that you can give them if they ask you to bump it up a bit.

I expect they expected you to offer when they got engaged and if you havent already are panicking about how they will afford it and want to know exactly where they sta d financially.

boredboredboredboredbored · 20/08/2019 19:47

Being asked is outrageous!!! I'd want to give them sweet FA for their nerve!

I will plan to give my dc 2k each (single mum) when the time comes. If they asked however I may retract that!

Garageflower172 · 20/08/2019 19:48

Is there no way you can convince them that they are making a colossal mistake blowing all that cash on one day?? Such a waste.

choli · 20/08/2019 19:50

If you give them £3,000, that would be great but they can't expect a gift as well. In fairness, they probably wouldn't.
The type who would ask you to contribute to their wedding are the type who would expect a gift as well.

Yodude · 20/08/2019 19:52

I think if you were going to give them 2-3k anyway then you should continue with this plan. If you want to give them more do so and don't if you don't want to. They should still be able to have a good wedding with 2-3k on top of whatever they have saved / will save as they originally thought that would be enough to pay for the wedding without your contribution.

CraftyGin · 20/08/2019 19:54

We gave £10k to my DS.

Original poster
KatieBenz · 20/08/2019 19:54

To be fair to them, I don’t think they realised what extra costs would be involved. I want them to have a lovely day and I’m willing to help out, but I see no reason to shell out on unnecessary nick-nacks (God, I sound like my mother,)
I think £3k is a reasonable amount. What have other parents contributed?

OP posts:
choli · 20/08/2019 19:55

Bear in mind your other children will probably expect an equal contribution when they marry.

Alloftit · 20/08/2019 19:57

You have been asked?! And an amount stated (or have I misread?)?! Cheeky, cheeky bastards. That’s so rude!!

I got married last month. We asked for nothing and expected nothing but we were very kindly given £5k by my in laws and £2k from my mum.

Alloftit · 20/08/2019 19:58

Sorry, £6k from in laws. V generous on both parts.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/08/2019 19:58

I'd give 2.5K now and keep £500 for the present. I would be bothered about being asked. We offered as soon as my son told us he was getting married (less money because we are fairly short of cash).

Original poster
KatieBenz · 20/08/2019 20:00

Choli, exactly! We may be contributing to their weddings in the next couple of years.
As the weddings in 2021, I think I’m going to offer an initial amount and say we may be able to help with more nearer the time, but can’t guarantee it. That way, we have a get out clause if the others decide to shack up 😀

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 20/08/2019 20:02

You’ll get everything between “ We gave 50p and a satsuma “ to “ We we’re ashamed to only give 100k” on this thread. Just give want you can afford and want makes you happy.

Stardustmoon · 20/08/2019 20:03

Would never ask!! We got married 5 years ago and my parents gave £500 and in-laws gave £900. We considered that very generous.

MrsGrindah · 20/08/2019 20:03

And do not get into debt to fund a contribution!

CocoLoco87 · 20/08/2019 20:04

My parents contributed 3k and my in-laws contributed 2k. We didn't ask either of them but they offered it to us early on. We had a simple wedding and didn't overspend.

Bookworm4 · 20/08/2019 20:05

Rather than offer cash, offer to pay for certain items; I’m paying for my daughters dress and the cars. Have you seen the budget and plans?

Bookworm4 · 20/08/2019 20:06

Note; I wasn’t asked I offered as she has no father to offer to help.

MrsGrindah · 20/08/2019 20:06

You see I think a simple wedding doesn’t cost more than £5K! But then I suppose it depends on family size, location , practicalities like whether you need to provide transport etc.

We are approaching having to have the conversation with our grown up children and I’m dreading it

neverornow · 20/08/2019 20:08

My parents gave us £3K each. I was blown away, I never expected such a generous gesture.

They said that they could have afforded to give more but they were conscious of the fact that their financial situation could change by the time the last one of us got married and wanted to make sure we all got the same/they could afford to give us all the same

So I'd keep that in mind if you have other DC's, the others might expect the same so factor that into whatever you decide to give as your "contribution"Wink