How much do we contribute?

[KatieBenz]

I haven’t been on this site for years, so go easy on me!
Eldest son is getting married in 2021. Originally, he and his fiancée were going to fund their wedding themselves, but now we have been asked to contribute. We were always going to give them money towards it (as a gift) or pay for their honeymoon, but it seems that we (and her parents) are now being asked to contribute a significant percentage. The ‘simple’ affair that they were originally talking about seems to be getting a bit out of hand. I don’t mind giving them £2-3k, but I’m reluctant to give anymore. What do you think?

[MoaningMinnie1]

That's really good, whatthehell, but the OP may not have so much money as your dad and PIL. Parents usually do what they can afford which, of course, varies.

[Elbels]

My parents want to have a conversation about how much they should contribute this weekend and I genuinely have no idea so this thread is quite helpful!

[rookiemere]

My DPs kindly paid for our wedding, it was very kind of them. I didn't ask but DM said she had always wanted to do it. We tried not to be too extravagant as very conscious we were spending their money.

I'd want to contribute to my DS's wedding- why wouldn't I if I could afford it? OP I think you should give the £3k if you can afford to do the same for any other DCs, try not to get too involved in their choices.

[whatthehelldowecare]

@MoaningMinnie1 absolutely, but the question was what the OP should contribute, and everyone else is giving examples of what they gave/received by way of example. That's all I was doing x

[ourkidmolly]

Di you mean you want to invite people that your dd and fiancé don't want to invite?

[ourkidmolly]

I'm also confused as to who the future sil is?

[iwillkeepthishouseclean]

Laid for all of ours ourself !

[MrsMc2019]

My parents gave us £2k towards the wedding as a gift, bought my wedding dress, have paid for a drink for each guest at our evening reception and paid for my wedding car. We were able to pay for everything ourselves but they wanted to do this - my Dad was quite insistent.

[Sooverthemill]

Obviously the traditional way was the father of the bride paid for everything. But that was when it was also traditional for women not to work and for men to beat their wives. Weddings don't need to costs a lot. It's much better to work out what the budget is and then plan a wedding based on that. Like when you do your food shop.

[Soontobe60]

Both my DDs have been married in the last 3 years.
We gave them both the same amount of money up front, £1k, and paid for a few things along the way so probably stumped up double our original contribution.
I have no idea how much their in laws contributed, but I suspect one set more than the others due to their own financial situations. One wedding cost about £20k, the other £6k. Both were amazing!
They both asked guests for monetary gifts as they had their own homes and didn't need anything. That paid for their honeymoons.
When I got married we got loads of gifts that we just wouldn't have bought ourselves, and although we were grateful, they were a bit of a waste of money tbh.

[MrsRufusdog789]

Katiebenz
You're asking for the amount other parents contribute to the wedding day .
Firstly we offered 5K for our daughter to elope ( that's been a standing joke for years )
The couple then explored budget options - registry office - then small party at local cricket club - but that was surprisingly expensive tbh . and not very inspiring.
They then found their dream destination which offered a wedding package for 60 day guests and a further 40 evening guests . Lovely rustic setting - license for the ceremony inside or out - sole use of building for the day - three course wedding breakfast with half a bottle of wine per person - also welcome canapés on arrival with a glass of Prosecco . Hot food for all in the evening - AV and DJ - the venue's own wedding co-ordinator - special lighting etc . All for £6 K .
So we have given them some extra to cover this . Plus paying for her dress cake and flowers and the help of a wedding stylist so nobody apart from the people hired have stress on the day . Hopefully ! So all in all we have spent £8 K . On the basis we only have the one daughter . The groom's family have no need to contribute . If our son marries we would give him a generous wedding gift but would not expect to be part of planning his wedding or pay for any part of it . Particularly as we have given both our children hefty chunks of money for house deposits. Probably inequitable and sexist but that's us