Please be kind. I've just had a really bad experience with my reactive dog and I just need somewhere to offload it.

[Shoeshine283]

Our dog is nearly 2. He's always been nervous and reactive. It's utterly exhausting. We manage him carefully at home and he has a lovely life with us.

We've come away on holiday. Found a lovely cottage, middle of nowhere, large enclosed garden. Cost us a fortune. The dog and I were having a nap while DH and DS do a food shop. The owner unexpectedly came and knocked on the patio doors to check in and see if everything was OK. Dog went absolutely ballistic. Barking, lunging and growling. I shut him away in the bedroom (where dogs aren't allowed! There was no where else to put him). Apologies profusely. I will never forget the look on her face. I fully expecting a phone call to ask us to leave. DH is going to phone her when he gets back to apologise again.

I'm absolutely dreading the rest of the holiday. I dont think I can do this much longer. I've only been doing this for 2 years and my nerves are shredded.

We've spent a fortune on behaviourists etc. He's a lovely boy when he's with his people (grand total of 5) but this is really hard.

If it's a dog-friendly place then I'm sure she will understand! Barking and lunging aren't always aggressive; it can just be excitement and over-stimulation. I wouldn't automatically think that an over-hyped dog when I came to the door meant it was some sort of rabid animal that was going to destroy my cottage. In fact, cottage holidays must be popular with reactive dog owners as you can be quite rural and go off the beaten track.

It can't be pleasant for him to live with this amount of fear. Has something happened to him to cause him to be like this?

Sorry you’re having a hard time, our dog can be like this, I do know how you feel.

But, really has anything that bad happened? I know it must’ve made everyone jump, but the dog was startled, you put him away, nobody got hurt, nothing got damaged

Yes the owner probably jumped, but it’s really not that bad, I don’t think you need to apologise to the owner again in all honesty.

And I understand why he's reacted. We had a 3 hour car journey yesterday (he was brilliant). Its a new place, he's tired, was fast asleep, stranger danger, he's scared. I get it, I really do but fucking hell. This isn't a holiday. We can't rehome him, we do all love him and I wouldn't want to pass the problem on to anyone else. DH and DS would be devastated but this is so hard. He takes up so much of my energy and I spent so much time thinking and planning. I dont know what we're going to do the rest of the week now. I just want to go home.

What did the owner say when it happened - what is it about her reaction that makes you think she'll ask you to leave?

It's normal for dogs to bark at the sound of the door, especially so in a new place where they're unfamiliar with the area. I really wouldn't worry.

Also I have a very friendly dog, but someone knocking on or appearing at the door in a strange place would probably make her bark a lot too. It's not really that heinous an event! Dogs bark, dogs get excited. She wasn't jumped on, she wasn't injured, you put the dog somewhere safe, I wouldn't be ringing to apologise as nothing really happened?

Gently I wonder if your anxiety might be feeding his a bit. I'd say it's very common for people to have to put their dogs in another room when someone comes to the door.

LawnFever thankyou. You're right I know. Ot was just the look on her face.

He does look rabid when he reacts like this. It's not just over excited barking and lunging it's full on growling/snarling.

I'm at such a low point with him. I need a holiday.

It wasn't just barking though, he looks like he wanted to attack her.

From the description of the (non) incident you’ve written here I think you are over reacting , you are in dog friendly accommodation ,a stranger knocked on the patio doors and your dog went into protection mode . Nothing at all wrong with that at all .

I do actually think you’re over reacting in the nicest possible way. I don’t think anything bad actually happened.

Thankyou for all the kind replies I really do appreciate it.

I've never been an anxious person but yes, he absolutely does make me anxious. I may well be exasperating the problem. I just find life with him stressful because of the way he reacts to things.

I've never had a reactive dog before. It's really hard.

@Shoeshine283

It wasn't just barking though, he looks like he wanted to attack her.

But he didn't, as you had the situation under control. It's really not abnormal (though not ideal) for a dog to growl at a stranger when he's tired, in a new place and experiencing lots of new things (as is normal on holiday).

However, I get the feeling (from your updates) that this is a bit of a "final straw" scenario for you? Are the behaviourists you've seen accredited and APDT registered?

Why would you want to go home because he barked through a closed door?
It he has tried to attack them then I would understand your need to go home. I don't think they will ask you to leave at all and your husband doesn't need to ring them.
I understand your concerns but i also think you may be over anxious about this

Thankyou everyone who's said I'm over reacting. It's exactly what I needed to hear. In my mind it was a really awful incident. The owner looked horrified but I shut him away quickly, I apologiesd, we chatted, that was it.

He just went bonkers though, he looks awful when he goes into full fight or flight.

Another one who doesn't understand what's wrong with his reaction. Our (six!) dogs will bark enthusiastically at anyone or anything that passes the house. That's their job. When I go out I tell them "thank you" so they then know I'm in charge and they relax.

In the gentlest way possible, have you considered how your nerves are affecting your dog? It might be worth talking to a therapist rather than a behaviourist.

Thanks everyone. I wouldnt say it's the final straw but I am generally exhausted with life stuff and I've put a ridiculous amount of time and energy into this dog. I find these reactions hard to just shrug off. I feel a bit of a failure really.

But although he was being very shouty and "get away from me" you were still able to take him into another room without him injuring you. So, mortifying as it may have been, you handled it entirely safely.

My dogs are totally friendly with people we've 'OK'd' (by answering the door/greeting etc) but will go ballistic every time someone knocks the door, whether we're home or staying elsewhere and I would need to put them in another room while I answered unless the person knocking was known to them/me. So when deliveries come for instance they need to be shut away and will bark until it becomes clear to them it's no one to worry about.

There's obviously much more going on with your dog but what's happened today doesn't seem that bad/unusual to me so I'm not sure you need to worry about being asked to leave. I can totally understand how you're feeling in light of how stressful things obviously are in general but just wanted to reassure you this particular incident probably isn't as bad as you think

Do your DH and DS do anything to help with the dog, or is it all down to you to manage alone?

I understand dogs can bark when strangers come to the door, I've got no issue with that but growling, snarling, lunging? Thats what's upset me.

Thanks again everyone. You've all made me feel much better. I just need someone to offload. I really appreciate no judgement or unkind comments. Pretty rare in this place! Many thanks.

I don't think you're over reacting at all. This isn't an otherwise placid and laid back dog who barked at a strange person. It's a highly reactive dog and this incident is part of a much bigger picture.

I completely sympathise as I also have a reactive dog. Although her fears are mostly centred around other dogs. She is lovely with people.

Have you had him from a puppy? What breed is he?

It's sounds like you're under a lot of stress. Whatever you are, you are not a failure. It might be an idea to shift your focus onto dealing with the other 'stuff' in your life which would allow you to reassess the relationship with your dog.

Yeah not sure this really equates to a really bad experience. He barked at what he thought was an intruder? That's what dogs do. Sounds like your more concerned with the owner of the cottage reaction to him.

You can't micro manage dogs, take him to a behavioural professional if he does actually have these issues. A lot of the time they are just coping with their current owners and environment as best they know how too.

I know you have a behaviourist but what about anxiety meds. Friends dog when we had ddog was on Valium. He was a different dog and so laid back.

For the barking and growling my old girl would go mental when the postman came
Our front door had a small window near the top and she would jump up to look through the window barking and snarling
He said for someone seeing her for the first time would think she was going to rip you to shreds but I would open the door and her table would be wagging.

She was the type to scare any burglars off but if they made it through the door she would have given them a guided tour of the house and for a chewy stick would have shown them where we kept anything of value. Not that we had anything.