Please be kind. I've just had a really bad experience with my reactive dog and I just need somewhere to offload it.

[Shoeshine283]

Our dog is nearly 2. He's always been nervous and reactive. It's utterly exhausting. We manage him carefully at home and he has a lovely life with us.

We've come away on holiday. Found a lovely cottage, middle of nowhere, large enclosed garden. Cost us a fortune. The dog and I were having a nap while DH and DS do a food shop. The owner unexpectedly came and knocked on the patio doors to check in and see if everything was OK. Dog went absolutely ballistic. Barking, lunging and growling. I shut him away in the bedroom (where dogs aren't allowed! There was no where else to put him). Apologies profusely. I will never forget the look on her face. I fully expecting a phone call to ask us to leave. DH is going to phone her when he gets back to apologise again.

I'm absolutely dreading the rest of the holiday. I dont think I can do this much longer. I've only been doing this for 2 years and my nerves are shredded.

We've spent a fortune on behaviourists etc. He's a lovely boy when he's with his people (grand total of 5) but this is really hard.

He's always been nervous and reactive. It's utterly exhausting.
I'm absolutely dreading the rest of the holiday. I dont think I can do this much longer. I've only been doing this for 2 years and my nerves are shredded.
We've spent a fortune on behaviourists etc. He's a lovely boy when he's with his people (grand total of 5) but this is really hard.
He takes up so much of my energy and I spent so much time thinking and planning
I'm at such a low point with him
he looks like he wanted to attack her.
I just find life with him stressful because of the way he reacts to things.I've never had a reactive dog before. It's really hard.

This is why i am talking about euthanasia. Op is stuck with this life for the next 13 or so years. Clearly the dog can't be rehomed its just passing the problem on. Just saying that as this incident is against a background of other aggressive behaviour then if it all comes to a head then there are worse things than pts.

In the scheme of reactions its an understandable one both from dog and from OP in feeling exhausted and at the end of her tether, it sounds like you've worked really hard to create an environment where reactions are unlikely so it's so disappointing and frustrating when something happens.

Also think that lots of PP have experience of low level alert barking or just "hey someone's there" which sounds quite a lot less frightening than a hysterical "bowowowowowowowow!" and barking and snarling.

OP I think you're clearly trying hard and it's probably just a question of continuing to do what you're doing and trying to let things like this go, try to stay calm, your dog isn't a bad dog just a scared dog. Pressure held pet gates can be useful to help create a zone where dog can't rush to the door but tbh this situation would have been hard to predict.

Your not over reacting. If a stranger walked into a room where I was one of my dogs would do exactly the same. What breed is he?

Honestly, I'd be more pissed off at the owner popping by! If the cottage I'm renting next week does the same they'll get the same reaction from my rescue.

It wouldn’t have helped in the particular situation today but have you muzzled trained your dog OP?
If you are stressed by the ‘what ifs’ in everyday life, then that tension will be felt by your dog, which of course makes a viscous circle.
If you knew those worst case scenario ‘what ifs’ were covered, maybe you could relax a bit more and by default your dog would then be able cope better

OP sorry to say this and it won't be popular - but it's a dog. An animal, not a person you are related to and have to keep in your life no matter what. You shouldn't have to be exhausted and stressed all the time about it. That's no way to live. Why don't you look at rehoming it? There might be someone who is able to take it on

@ferretface has it, for me.

My own dog is reactive - though these days he is far less so than he used to be.

The biggest single difference was me making a promise to us both that I would do my best to shake off any reactions. It was my frustration and grief afterwards that was adding to his problems, I think. Not that I would ever take them out on him but walking alongside a human that was silent and (sometimes) crying must have been worrying - thereby reinforcing the link between other dogs/humans and bad things happening.

As I started to work on just getting on with the walk as normal after a reaction - or cutting it short if I couldn't manage more, rather than perservering like a martyr - life got easier. He recovered more quickly after a reaction, and so I found it easier to recover more quickly, so he found it easier to and so on. Like a snowball. A good snowball

It helped me to reframe how I thought about his reactions. He is an extremely smart, loving, sensitive dog who is always doing the very best he can. Sometimes that best is great, sometimes it's not - but it's always his best.

More often, these days, his best suprises even me with how good it is. Earlier today a lady walked right by the car with two dogs - something that always sets him off. He didn't make a peep, just watched them go by. This is unprecedented.

None of that is meant to make you feel bad, OP, or suggest it is your 'fault' in any way. Life with a reactive dog can be really sad and hard and filled with far too much misplaced guilt. You are also doing the best you can. Somedays your best will be better than others. Just like dogs can be trigger stacked, we too can have circumstances get on top of us.

Patience and forgiveness for yourself, as well as the dog, really does help. And there is much joy to be had.

If you'd find it useful, I'm happy to post links to books etc that I found useful - less for training tips and more for helping me review how I felt about the reactive behaviour. If you already have enough resources and just wanted to vent, that's fine too. Those of us who've lived with reactive dogs know how tiring and upsetting it can be sometimes.

Hi. I feel the same. We have taken on a large dog and I feel completely out of my depth. He's 8 months now and I've paid so much money out on trainers and training aids and such like. I've had times when I've just sobbed and sobbed over the stress of it all. My children are besotted with him and he's become part of the family, so no option for him to not be with us. He's lovely but it's so so much harder than I ever could have imagined. I just live in hope that things will improve as he gets older and we keep on with the training. Sending you the biggest hugs.