Please be kind. I've just had a really bad experience with my reactive dog and I just need somewhere to offload it.

[Shoeshine283]

Our dog is nearly 2. He's always been nervous and reactive. It's utterly exhausting. We manage him carefully at home and he has a lovely life with us.

We've come away on holiday. Found a lovely cottage, middle of nowhere, large enclosed garden. Cost us a fortune. The dog and I were having a nap while DH and DS do a food shop. The owner unexpectedly came and knocked on the patio doors to check in and see if everything was OK. Dog went absolutely ballistic. Barking, lunging and growling. I shut him away in the bedroom (where dogs aren't allowed! There was no where else to put him). Apologies profusely. I will never forget the look on her face. I fully expecting a phone call to ask us to leave. DH is going to phone her when he gets back to apologise again.

I'm absolutely dreading the rest of the holiday. I dont think I can do this much longer. I've only been doing this for 2 years and my nerves are shredded.

We've spent a fortune on behaviourists etc. He's a lovely boy when he's with his people (grand total of 5) but this is really hard.

I really feel for you. I had the most beautiful labrador in the world, but he wasn’t great with other male dogs, and also some people.
I’m so glad your dog has got you and your family.
I just wanted to say that he did get better as he got older. Two is very young. Keep doing what you are doing and keep the faith. If it makes you feel better you could get holiday owner a bunch of flowers, NOT because you or your dog did anything wrong, but so you feel better about it all.
Wishing you happy holidays, he will improve

I agree with practically everyone else. My usually friendly and well behaved dog would have reacted like this if someone banged a door when he was sleeping in a strange place. He would have growled and snarled as well and I would have probably had to put him into another room. Agree that the fact you were able to do this means he wasn’t out of control. The Owner probably did get a shock but I really don’t think that either you or the dog have done anything you need to apologise for. Try and forget it and enjoy the rest of your holiday

My dogs would have done the same. I don't see what he's done that is so bad

Tbh ddog was the most laid back dog in the world but I was in the car (an estate car) waiting for a person to back out of one of those parking spaces that are at a 45 degree angle.

A traffic warden opened my passenger car door and was just getting started about how I couldn’t park where I was. Ddog flew over 2 sets of seats and was barking angrily in his face.

If a dog thinks that his family is in danger or sees something they think you need to come and see they will react like that. I don’t think that in particular is anything to be worried about.
I would look into anxiety meds for the other stuff.

@GlutenFreeGingerCake

I must say a lot of people would hate it if they were having a nap and the cottage owner came knocking on the patio doors!

Yes, 100%. We specifically choose places with no on-site owners. Perhaps I'm antisocial but I don't really want to chat with the owners or make friends with them. I want a clean well-equipped cottage and to be left to our own devices.

OP I think you may be part of the problem. You're obviously anxious and your dog can sense it.

My advice for the holiday is try and keep your dog in his comfort zone. Avoid anything that will set him off eg crowded places and lots of other dogs. (Which I appreciate will be difficult).

Just being somewhere strange will have raised his anxiety levels so it probably won't take much to tip him over the edge - as you have just discovered.

But your DH doesn't need to apologise again to the lady. It really was a non event.

Also there's a dog-friendly cottages FB page and most of the places on there are not just dog-friendly but specifically set up for dogs. I think there's a difference between dogs being allowed and dogs being welcomed. With the latter, the people running it tend to be doggy people and much more used to and relaxed about doggy behaviour. There's one that pops up that is specifically set up for reactive dogs or dogs who can't be off lead usually as it has a big enclosed paddock/woodland for them to play in.

Somewhere like developingdogsholidays.co.uk/for-the-dogs/ or www.eastrustoncottages.co.uk/ for example is probably a better bet than somewhere that just accepts a singular dog, if you have specific needs or a nervous dog.

We stayed in a 'dog' cottage in the Lake District and it was great. DDog isn't reactive but they had a big enclosed agility field free to use and lots of little quality of life things for staying with a dog.

Oh @Shoeshine283 I totally sympathise. I've got two who are reactive following a break in and it's so hard.
We've recently discovered scent training and it has been a genuine revelation. The biggest thing has been using licky mats to keep them calm. Is this worth a try for you?

I know this probably won't help, but I woud terrified that one day, I (or DH) wasb't there to cath him in time and ddog was attacking someone.

I am also surprised that so many people are saying it's normal.

Barking when a stranger comes in, yes nomal. But if his behaviour is so far out that it's reducing you to a mess, you are getting anxious yourself, on your knees and it's making your life miserable (let alone ddog who is clearly scared to death), I'd say the situation is NOT a normal one.

I had a little old dog for almost 20 years that was like this. I was shackled to his behaviour, things like I stayed with my cheating fiance just so I wouldn't have to give up my dog (I had nowhere else to live or go with the dog), could never holiday in those 20 years (no one to take him as everyone had no-pet flats etc), cold never go out for more than a few hours etc. I will never have another dog - I loved him, but by god, he was a life sentence, and I won't ever risk that ever happening again. I sympathise op.

Do you think your dog was being protective of you. Perhaps he sensed something in the other person. Maybe he picked up on your nerves

Barking when a stranger comes in, yes nomal. But if his behaviour is so far out that it's reducing you to a mess, you are getting anxious yourself, on your knees and it's making your life miserable (let alone ddog who is clearly scared to death), I'd say the situation is NOT a normal one.
I agree. My dogs bark at the door, but the come away when told and are happy to let people in once I've okayed them.

I've had prolonged dealings, though, with a dog-reactive dog and my God, it's exhausting and stressful. I used to choose where and when I walked to pick places where we'd be unlikely to see other dogs. And it's horrible when it goes wrong, or almost goes wrong.

@Clymene

Does the cottage not have a front door? I think it's really intrusive to come round and knock on the patio door.

I get that there is more going on here but I'm with these posters.

What if you had been DTD? Or just having your nap? Or just didn't want to see the owner? I don't think that's friendly, I think it's bloody rude. Clearly your dog does too.

There isn't really a front door, it's one of those big patio doors-bifold? Runs the whole length of the cottage.

We've had a lovely day. We stayed in the enclosed garden and he was really chilled. Played ball, snoozed in the sunshine while we were in the hot tub and we've just had a walk up up country lane.

We're going to do a coastal walk tomorrow rather than the beach and more relaxing back here.

I really appreciated everyone's comments today. They were so helpful. DH did speak to the owner, she said 'bless him, he did seem quite stressed' but then changed the topic quickly so no harm done.

To the poster who said this doesn't seem a 'normal' situation. I absolutely agree. I just hope we can continue to keep him safe and secure. I just want him to have a happy, relaxed life. Everytime he reacts I do beat myself up over it. I feel like I've let him down, not read the situation well or put him in an environment he can't cope with but I know that so much is out of my control, today is a prime example of it. Day to day we do very well with him, we stick to tried and tested walks and certain times of day. I want him to have a full and rich life though and we do manage to give him that but it feels exhausting at times. He's such a gorgeous boy with his people. I hate for strangers to think of him as a horrible, aggressive dog

Anyway, I'm rambling now! Thankyou or all the advice and suggestions and sharing your experiences. I've taken them all on board.

I feel your pain.

Our current dog is fearful and reactive. She was 2 recently and although she's responding to training well and making amazing progress, she still has her moments and life with her is not relaxed like it was with our old dog.

Have you considered a holiday without her? Our reactive dog adores going to kennels (she thrives on the boundaries of the private enclosures and the routine we think). It took several shorter visits before i felt i could leave her but we worked up from visits to day care to overnights. She now does a week very happily and we all benefit from the chance to recharge while knowing she's safe.

She will get better and you clearly love her and want the best for her.

Yes we are in the process of getting him settled in kennels but we're taking it slowly, not quite there yet but I'm looking forward to a short break without him as long as I know he's happy where he is.

I haven't RTFT OP, but I sympathise entirely and wanted to jump on to say that I co-ordinated and masterminded life with a reactive dog for 12 years! She saw 6 behaviourists in her time, including a vet behaviourist.

It is draining and exhausting, you second guess yourself all the time and worry that you've got it all wrong and it's your fault. My dog was like it from when we got her as a puppy, she hated everything and everyone and was virtually feral. She was only a 6kg terrier but she did attack my landlord once, and bit someone badly at the door, but my lowest point - when I sobbed and vowed to euthanise her - was when she went for my DHs 3 year old nephew. He harmlessly sat down near her and she went mad. He was unhurt and unfazed, unbelievably - she was wearing a muzzle - but I was inconsolable.

She went on another few years - with a complicated management system in place for holidays and visitors - but she eventually shuffled off a couple of years ago with a chronic pain issue.

Don't be hard on yourself, you're doing the best you can and he is lucky to have you. I've been where you are and I know how painful it is, but the fear and anxiety is making it feel worse than it really is. I send you a big hug and reassurance, it'll be okay. Keep doing what you're doing.

I was relieved when she died and it was over, but I still miss the savage little bastard every day. I do now have a very friendly easy terrier who loves everyone.

Sorry, I've just realised your dog is a he!

That's good that you should have some respite soon. I hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday . Our dog is also a completely different character with us compared to when she's out and about or in a stressful situation. It toom me a long time to accept that my expectations of her that were unrealistic and that she was totally different to our first dog. We do the same boring walk every day and she has a set routine. I was sad to begin with but then realised that if she was happy, she'd be much easier to handle.

I really feel for you OP, I could not live my life like this. Once upon a time I had an incredibly reactive (aggressive) dog who was put to sleep. Vet advice. She was miserable,we were miserable, she would bite other dogs, go for my then partner and myself. We have behaviourists to her, vet visits, tests etc no stone unturned. But in the end we could not cure her, big dog too no messing.
End of story. Sorry to be blunt but no dog is worth being this miserable over.

Sympathize, I have a difficult dog too. She is wonderful (but hard work) 95% of the time but the 5% she is a reactive bully and occasionally attacks our littler dog, seemingly randomly. It feels awful, like you are a failure, even though we try everything.

2 is very young, he will definitely calm down loads as he gets older.

@Weirdfan My terrier does the same, a sort of whining moaning screech whenever he thinks he hears anything outside, lord knows what the neighbours think!

I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to put down a dog who is that aggressive to be honest. Dog ownership is meant to enhance your life and a dog who is living with that level of stress and reactivity that you have to plan every minute of every day so he doesn't really go for someone ... not to mention trying multiple behaviourists - There are worse things than pts. I know that viewpoint isn't popular on mn.

@Needapoodle

I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to put down a dog who is that aggressive to be honest. Dog ownership is meant to enhance your life and a dog who is living with that level of stress and reactivity that you have to plan every minute of every day so he doesn't really go for someone ... not to mention trying multiple behaviourists - There are worse things than pts. I know that viewpoint isn't popular on mn.

I agree.

Oh OP I feel your pain. We got a German Shepherd rescue last year. She was kept by a breeder in a box for 5 years just giving birth.
She barked, snarled and lunges at us on our first meeting but we still took her. A year on and she’s most loving, snuggly dog with us and my parents. She’s sooo reactive with most other people, As she’s so afraid of everyone, and when she barks she’s so loud and looks so vicious. She’s air snapped at two people...they were right in her face and she was just telling them to back off, but I felt so bad.
We have a trainer coming to our house in two weeks so I’m hoping she can help.

Don’t feel too bad, that person should not have gone to those patio doors....no wonder the dog was scared.

@Newnewnew1179

I agree with practically everyone else. My usually friendly and well behaved dog would have reacted like this if someone banged a door when he was sleeping in a strange place. He would have growled and snarled as well and I would have probably had to put him into another room. Agree that the fact you were able to do this means he wasn’t out of control. The Owner probably did get a shock but I really don’t think that either you or the dog have done anything you need to apologise for. Try and forget it and enjoy the rest of your holiday

I agree with this. Nothing terrible happened. From the dog’s perspective, he and you were napping in an unfamiliar place and a complete stranger banged on the glass and startled him. It’s not surprising he reacted that way, he was protecting himself and his owner against a sudden apparent threat. How would a dog know it’s the cottage owner and nothing to worry about?

The cottage owner was out of order. Why on earth did she think it was a good idea to turn up unexpectedly and knock on the patio doors? Why would she need to check that everything is OK? Surely she could have sent a text or something instead of being intrusive. If that happened to me on holiday I’d be really annoyed. The cottage is yours for the week and you’re entitled to privacy.

I get that your dog is reactive but it doesn’t seem to me like he’s done anything really wrong. It’s not like he’s attacked or bitten anyone. I’m baffled at the PP talking about euthanasia. You’ve done really well with him, he’s happy, and he’s still young.