chris - cbeebies

[Carla]

Yeah? What about him?

It's not my bum crack!

But look at just how many threads have been started on here by women who love me. And remind me again, Small, just how many have been devoted to you? One?

oh but i so wish it were

There's been a fair few started by women who can't stand the sight of you - and didn't one of them say the other day she wanted to tan your hide and make it into a leather binding for a book?

I can't stay here arguing with you all night, Ben, I'll have enough of that in the morning, plus dealing with your hangover.

And how many have wanted to stick your spoon up your backside, Small? Hmmm?

Now don't go flying into Auntie Mabel's propellors, will you?

As many as have wanted to stick me up your backside, old matey.

oh come on you two, let's all kiss and make up and sing from the judy garland song book around the piano

I'm not kissing him ... don't want to give him any ideas.

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See, unlike some men around here, who are only capable of switching on the oven and making a fearful mess in the kitchen, some of us can multi-task.

Nice wig, by the way

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Yes, maybe. They do have such a lot in common.

Like PC Plum ...

Been at the cooking sherry.

I meant -

Like Archie

I think I'd better go and have a little lie down.

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I daren't do that, BCB has this habit of trying to smother me in my sleep. Or put me in the microwave ...

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now if i could get my hands on BCB.........

Please don't touch Big Cook Ben ... I can't tell you why, we'd lose our contract at the cafe, but believe me, you do not want to touch him.

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Well, it certainly involves him picking up something which is hot, hot, hot but it's nothing to do with his oven ...

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Well, yes, there's that ... but this is much, much worse ...