chris - cbeebies

[Carla]

Yeah? What about him?

[LittleCookSmall]

It is rather magnificent, I have to agree with you there. So much larger and more robust than Ben's.

[spacedonkey]

I've never seen any evidence that big cook ben actually has one

[bigcookben]

Why don't you fly off and fetch some marshmallows, Small? Ooh look! There's some right in that bonfire over there.

[LittleCookSmall]

I'll let you into a little secret - Big Cook Ben doesn't have one. And if he did, he wouldn't know how to use it.

[spacedonkey]

I'm not surprised Sue.

Now tell me, have you actually met the Chuckle Brothers?

[bigcookben]

At least I don't have to ask the same stupid question every day.

"What do we do now? Can we play?"

PLAY?? You're a grown man FGS! Oh, my mistake. You're not are you.

[spacedonkey]

It is very sad to see that you have evidently lost touch with your inner child Ben

[LittleCookSmall]

The Chuckle Brothers? Pah! Total amateurs.

[LittleCookSmall]

And he's soooooo anal about cleaning.

[bigcookben]

Why would I need an inner child when I've got an outer one - Small?

[spacedonkey]

And is "badger" of Bodger and Badger actually a real badger?

[LittleCookSmall]

It's good to be young at heart
Better than a boring old fart

[LittleCookSmall]

Now, what do you think, sd?

Next you'll be telling me that you think Big Cook Ben's really big.

[spacedonkey]

touché ben

gotta hand it to him, he's quick

[spacedonkey]

Well > of course I know he's really a glove puppet

And yet the realism is astounding don't you think?

I was taken in, for a moment JUST FOR A MOMENT MIND

[bigcookben]

He's even quicker when he's flying off the end of my steel toecap!

[LittleCookSmall]

Oh, the puppets are so realistic these days, it's easy to be taken in. I mean, just look at Ben ... amazing, isn't it. So lifelike.

[spacedonkey]

All this friction makes me think there's just a hint, just a soupcon of a frisson there between you?

[LittleCookSmall]

Steel toecap my armpit. Ballet slippers is more like it. You're not exactly the butchest of chappies, are you old mate?

[bigcookben]

Looks like you'll be sleeping in the microwave again tonight, Small. And here's a nice tasty egg for you to hold while you're spinning round in there.

[LittleCookSmall]

Frisson? Us?

He hates me, he's always been jealous of the fact that I'm the talented one, no-one would be interested in another plain old big cook - I'm the draw, the one the kids all like to see.

[spacedonkey]

You've got to admit Ben, you can't fly, your hair lacks little cook's flamboyant gingerity ...

[LittleCookSmall]

See how mean he is to me? You see what I have to put up with?

[LittleCookSmall]

His hair lacks a little hair.

[spacedonkey]

Ben - perhaps if you showed a little more bum crack?