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Related: Film discussion forum.

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Related: Film discussion forum.

Telly addicts

chris - cbeebies

136 replies

Carla · 16/12/2004 11:03

Yeah? What about him?

OP posts:

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wheresmyturkey · 16/12/2004 19:57

Big cook ben

is it also true that following the incident that wig describes little cook and ken had a fight, prompting the world boxing organisation to declare a new weight bracket-"dust-mite weight"?

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Batters · 17/12/2004 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Furball · 17/12/2004 08:55

Right - Just as I am sad and as a SAHM obviously have nothing better to do! I have infact studied little cooks bum crack. At first glance it does look like his bum crack, but if carefully scruninised, it is in fact his belt and belt loop you can see. It's just unfortuante that his belt is flesh coloured and his trousers including the belt loop are dark. Sorry to disappoint any of you who may of been wildly excited by the thought that they were in fact witnessing Little Cooks crack

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LittleCookSmall · 17/12/2004 17:04

Sorry to disappoint all of those who thought you had seen my bum crack. At least there's one of you who doesn't need their eyes tested and realised it was my belt loop. I am far too sartorially elegant to let my arse hang out.

5goldendillydallys - you can have my phone number any time you want it, sweetlips. I should tell you that the rumours about me and Barbie are completely unfounded and I have consulted my solicitor.

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WigWamBam · 17/12/2004 21:34

Oh, crikey, we've got both of them on here now ...

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wheresmyturkey · 17/12/2004 22:18

Little cook small, will it be settled in a small claims court!?

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bigcookben · 17/12/2004 22:22

Small! What are you doing here? Have you been standing on the keys of my laptop again, you little minx?

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LittleCookSmall · 17/12/2004 22:38

It's great fun, better than flying around with that ruddy spoon shoved under my bum. It's always me who has to go out and get the shopping isn't it - you're the one with the car keys, but oh no, it's Small gets to go out again, come wind, rain or shine, on a blasted spoon, while you swan about in the cafe eating all the ingredients and knocking back the cooking sherry!

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bigcookben · 17/12/2004 23:04

But you get to sit in a nice big comfy armchair every day doing your Ronnie Corbett impression! I'm always the one who has to state the bleedin' obvious and tell our viewers that a hot oven is...well..HOT! And when was the last time you carried the tray over to the customers?

It's alright for some!

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LittleCookSmall · 17/12/2004 23:10

I only have to sit in that great big armchair because someone, mentioning no names Big Cook Ben, is too stingy to buy me a chair that's the right size for me. You wouldn't think it would be too much to ask, would you - but oh no, I have to use the big one - I can't even climb up into it on my own, have you seen how far from the floor it is?

I have carried a tray to the customers, if you remember - I only had to spend three hours in A&E waiting for them to sort out the contusions and concussion I was left with.

And you're so good at stating the bleedin' obvious - who else could say the oven is "hot, hot, hot" with that irritating little bounce?

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bigcookben · 17/12/2004 23:16

You were the one who said you didn't want a chair from the dolls house because it was too girlie! Let's face it, Small, you don't exactly have a reputation for being manly at the best of times so it wouldn't have hurt.

I prefer to think of my movement in the kitchen as being graceful and artistic. You never know when a talent scout could be watching. I might get myself a real job and leave you to deal with the weirdos who loiter in our cafe.

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LittleCookSmall · 17/12/2004 23:24

Yeah, I didn't want the chair from the doll's house because it was pink flowery chintz! It's a bit of a blow to a chap's ego. And look at the other one you gave me - the one made out of pencils that broke the first time I used it. I told you it was too rickety, but oh no, it was good enough for me ... and I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, I've seen what you get up to when the cafe is closed ... it's not nice, Ben, the frills do you no favours at all.

You - graceful and artistic? Don't make me laugh, you're so wooden you make Andy Pandy look like Sir John Gielgud. I've seen you cleaning the kitchen, you look like a Thunderbird on acid.

You know you could never hold down a real job, Ben, the care in the community people had enough of a job convincing the village that you were safe in the first place!

And there's only one weirdo in our cafe, Ben ...

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bigcookben · 17/12/2004 23:28

I'm hurt, Small. After all I've done for you. At least I don't look like Cilla Black's long-lost son!

Just wait until the next time some non-paying cheapskate comes into my cafe. They'll be getting Small Pie and I can guarantee it'll be hot hot hot.

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LittleCookSmall · 17/12/2004 23:32

You'd be lost without me, Ben. You've never got all the ingredients for the recipes, you can never remember how things are made and it's always me that has to go out and make the film to show you.

I have a rather natty hairstyle, as a matter of fact, and at least I don't have a bald spot. Unlike some I could mention.

Small Pie, eh. Well, at least you've come up with a recipe suggestion all on your own this time, without making me go and tell one of those dreadful stories to give you inspiration - and without me having to remind you - again - to use your recipe book.

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spacedonkey · 17/12/2004 23:33

but are you dennis pennis LCS? please clear up the confusion

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LittleCookSmall · 17/12/2004 23:36

No, I'm not Dennis Pennis. Haven't you noticed that Dennis Pennis is 6' tall, whilst I'm 10 inches tall?

I do rather like his hair, though.

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spacedonkey · 17/12/2004 23:37

I wondered whether you were dennis pennis after going through willy wonka's tv machine

ah well

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bigcookben · 17/12/2004 23:37

Professional jealousy is a terrible thing, Small. You just hate the fact that when I open up my recipe book (and at least I own one!) it always falls open at exactly the right page.

Stick to your story books, Small and leave the real work to me. Sorry, I forgot - you already do!