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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Bit Grim - Girls: Do you expect them to soak their own pants after their period?

78 replies

twelveyeargap · 02/02/2008 17:18

I'm taking over the teen board today, it would seem...

This is a bit grim, but I have asked DD (12) now she's started her periods, to put any stained pants into a bowl of hot water and vanish by the washing machine.

Seems she can't be bothered and either "forgets" or just slings them in a bowl of water for me to sort out.

I don't really see why I should. Am I being harsh?

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 02/02/2008 17:20

Don't get her to put them into hot water. That will set the stain.

Cold water is what you want - and of course she should do that herself.

Neverenough · 02/02/2008 17:20

No not at all. My two DDs do the same. But it's early days, both have only had a few accidents so far so I'm biding my time and just gently reminding them so far.

Elphaba · 02/02/2008 17:21

Gosh that sounds awful. Why can't they just go in the normal wash with vanish in?

I actually don't have any girls but I don't think I'd make them soak their own pants - it seems very humiliating to me.

Elphaba · 02/02/2008 17:22

Ok, just me then!

Neverenough · 02/02/2008 17:22

I use hot water and Napisan. Rinse in cold water first. I agree hot water alone will set the stain.

AdamAnt · 02/02/2008 17:22

I agree with Elphaba

Original poster

twelveyeargap · 02/02/2008 17:22

Okey dokey. I'm sure I was doing this myself when I got mine and I was only 10.

She's a bit of a lazy bugger when it comes to ANY chores - even when I'm offering to pay for them or threatening grievous consequences. Tsk.

Thanks for tip about cold water.

OP posts:

Neverenough · 02/02/2008 17:23

Elphaba-the point is not to humiliate them but to teach them what to do-it's not a "life skill" they're likely to learn in school!

WanderingTrolley · 02/02/2008 17:24

Agree with elphaba

I'd be mortified at having to publicly soak my pants at 12.

Get her black pants, wash with vanish and you won't see any stains.

Original poster

twelveyeargap · 02/02/2008 17:25

Elphaba - she refuses to bring her laundry down at any sort of regular interval, so the pants end up in the laundry basket, or more likely on the floor, for up to two weeks. I've given up arguing over the laundry, so have told her that the bloody pants have to come downstairs and be put in water so they don't get ruined.

The stains just won't come out if they're left lying around and frankly, it's too disgusting for words, having bloody pants lying around.

OP posts:

Neverenough · 02/02/2008 17:26

I can't agree-it's hardly public! And it's a fact of life a teenage girl is going to have to deal with from time to time for 40 years or so-could save her a fortune in new pants!

Elphaba · 02/02/2008 17:26

I don't remember ever having to soak my pants actually. I don't remember them getting so soiled that I'd need to soak them.

They are still a child at 12, and it's difficult enough having to get your head round periods at that age (I would imagine - I was quite a bit older) and to have to soak your own underwear as well seems a bit much.

Maybe I'm just an old softie but anyway, I don't have teenagers and I don't have girls so not sure why I'm sticking my oar in!

Original poster

twelveyeargap · 02/02/2008 17:27

Oh and washing machine is in the cellar, so there's nothing public about it.

OP posts:

clutteredup · 02/02/2008 17:27

Ace bleach works very well ,not so much a bleach as a stain remover, my DDs are still litle so I've got all this to look forward to, not sure if it would be a good idea to get them to use the bleach tough as it does do funn things to your skin.

WanderingTrolley · 02/02/2008 17:29

I take your point about the bloody pants - I wouldn't want them lying around either.

If the overriding problem is of a lazy 12 year old, I think the usual bribes encouragement might be the way to go.

Does she get pocket money?

clutteredup · 02/02/2008 17:29

funny

Neverenough · 02/02/2008 17:37

Ok just out of interest, my DDs are nearly 15 and 13.25-anyone think it's still unreasonable to ask them to deal with this issue?

Original poster

twelveyeargap · 02/02/2008 17:38

Re: the pocket money. I don't think we should hand out money for nothing, so she originally had a small list of things to do each week, in order to get £10. Mainly it was cleaning her bathroom - she has more or less exclusive use of one of the bathrooms.

Anyway, she could never be bothered and we ended up arguing about it, so I told her if she couldn't be bothered, I wasn't going to remind her about it.

Likewise her room, she was to get a bonus for keeping her room tidy and the laundry in the basket and she wouldn't do that either.

Now if she needs money she'll offer to do some cleaning, but it's really not working.

I think part of the problem is that she's never wanting for anything. She has plenty of nice clothes and when she visits her dad and his family, they give her money, so there are only a few weeks between holidays where she's a bit broke.

I think as she gets a bit older, she'll have more need of money and have to get her act together.

Have told her she'll need to do some jobs to get spending money for our Easter holiday and she's having a sulk about it.

At her age I used to do the shampooing in my mum's hair salon on Saturdays in the hope I got tips from the customers. Makes me a bit , because she's so privileged compared to my childhood.

OP posts:

AdamAnt · 02/02/2008 17:55

FWIW I don't think it's any more revolting having bloody pants lying around than any other worn pants. It's just blood.

theheadgirl · 02/02/2008 18:10

I haven't started doing this with my 12y old DD1 yet. But I don't think it's wrong, it IS a life skill. Mine is waited on hand and foot, I need to get my act in gear to get her to do stuff! I have given DD1 and DD2 (12 and 10) lessons in toilet cleaning. Yet strangely, everyone denies creating the skid marks....... TMI people??

Neverenough · 02/02/2008 18:12

I agree headgirl-I've shown mine how to clean a loo too. They need to be shown how to do things and taught about standards of cleanliness and hygiene-who else if not me will do it?
PS mine don't do it either !

allgonebellyup · 02/02/2008 18:20

i find it a bit weird too, i know i would have been mortified having to do that at 12! my dd would be mortified too!

Smithagain · 02/02/2008 18:21

I don't remember ever having any sort of conversation with my mother about it - that would have been excruciatingly embarrassing. But I do remember washing stains out of my own accord, because I thought they were icky. Might have been a little bit older than 12 though.

For the time being, would be inclined to go with the black pants idea and try not to think about it

TheMadHouse · 02/02/2008 18:23

When I was growing up we had a nappy bucket with solution in that my mum popped in the airing cuboard for me, shoulf I have little accidents.

It made life really easy, infact I used the same principal for bibs and vests with my two boys.

Original poster

twelveyeargap · 02/02/2008 18:35

Hmm, yes, I could leave the bucket for her. That's a good idea.

Toilet cleaning, yes, she's been shown that too. She's been shown what the underside of her own toilet seat looks like if not cleaned regularly. She was grossed out - right up until I had to point it out to her again two weeks later. Drives me mad.

Don't get me wrong, she's a great girl - no bother really. I am just desperate for her to be better about her personal hygiene. We've only just had to stop reminding her to shower.

I just think that if she considers herself old enough to wear heeled shoes (not stilettos or anything - just higher heels) and do things like go out alone to meet her mates at the cinema; then she's old enough to keep herself, her pants and her toilet clean.

I see it as a bit of a trade off. You want x freedom, so therefore you must take x responsibility. Perhaps I'm just mmmeeeeeaaaannnn.

OP posts:

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