Bit Grim - Girls: Do you expect them to soak their own pants after their period?

[twelveyeargap]

I'm taking over the teen board today, it would seem...

This is a bit grim, but I have asked DD (12) now she's started her periods, to put any stained pants into a bowl of hot water and vanish by the washing machine.

Seems she can't be bothered and either "forgets" or just slings them in a bowl of water for me to sort out.

I don't really see why I should. Am I being harsh?

[fizzbuzz]

I don't understand why they need soaking. i have had frequent "flooding" experiences, and they always came out fine in the wash. Only ever had to throw one pair away....

[Divastrop]

i think its humiliating to make a girl wear boys underwear

[Psychomum5]

not read rest of threads yet, but to the OP.....please don't ask that of her.

I was made to do that by my aunt when I was a teen, and it seriously upset me....

I was made to feel as tho I contaminated the washing in some way and that having a period was seriously dirty and that I was 'bad'

It has left me with issues to this day.....

I have to say, I now wash my knickers and DD1's knickers in the ordinary wash and there is nothing wrong with our knickers!!

BTW, we both wear black knickers when we 'on' to help prevent the staining anyhow.

please please don't do this to your DD. It is a hirrible feeling.

(I also tho had to wash every single item of my clothing anyway as ALL of me would pass on bugs according to my aunt. PLUS, I wasn;t allowed to have a bath nor wash my hair!!!!....she was from the middle ages so it seemed to me)

[hippipotami]

psychomum, I am so so sorry you were made to feel like that.
But I believe there is a difference between casually asking your dd to pop her knickers in a bucket of water before they join the main wash and making out your germs are not allowed to contaminate the main wash.

My mum asked me to soak my knickers when on my period. I was 13 when I started. She just explained to me very gently that it helped the stains come out. No more, no less. Nothing about periods being dirty or any such nonsense. And I duly did pop my knickers in a bucket. No bother.

I think 12yeargap, just perservere. Untidiness/lazyness go hand in hand with being a teenage girl, she will get there in the end. Sorry, not much use

[Psychomum5]

I guess....

maybe I am still so aught up in how it made me feel to really think about how other people may view it all..

I don't know then, altho I do think teaching toilet hygiene is a good life skill that they DO need to learn!!!

(and maybe it would be about the right time to teach my DD1 about it all too)

[brimfull]

psychomum-my mum used to forbid me to wash my hait when I had my period.wtf was that all about?

I ignored that one.

[brimfull]

hair

[Wisteria]

My dds have been taught to rinse in cold water and then throw straight into washing machine - this was imperative as they are at their Dad's for half the week and would be mortified to have to ask him to do it. He wouldn't mind at all incidentally but they find it embarrassing.

I think it's fine to expect them to do it but I have bought them both liners to use when they think they might be due (we have a little code on the calendar) and I often remind them.

It's no big deal, only blood

[oliviaelanasmum]

I never even thought about soaking my knickers!! I just stick them in the wash with everything else and will probably get all my dd's to do the same when the time comes.

[twelveyeargap]

That's really unfortunate psychomum. We're very open about periods and stuff. It's not considered dirty or anything of the sort.

Dunno what washing powder people use, but blood never comes out my white pants unless they've been sprayed with vanish or soaked beforehand.

I really haven't made a big deal out of it with her. I've only asked once, and I posted this to see if I was being unreasonable about even asking in the first place. I really do just see it as trying to instil some sense of personal hygiene. She doesn't notice drips of blood and urine on her toilet seat/ bathroom mat either... I'm trying to draw her attention to stuff, not have a go or make a scene.

[Washersaurus]

I started my periods at 11 and have always sorted out my own pants, as my mum wasn't around (and I doubt my dad would have been up for that job).

I don't think they need soaking; a rinse under a cold tap and a bit of soap before going in the machine should do the trick. This has the advantage that it can be done in the privacy of the bathroom too

I wouldn't want bowls of my dirty knickers hanging around the house TBH

[Yorky]

I managed to put my own knickers in a jug of cold water with out being emotionally scarred at that time of the month

[Psychomum5]

reading the other comments here make me see that it is the way it was all said to me that did the damage, rather than the actual act of having to soak my knickers IYGWIM.

if you do it with YOUR knickers tho, then maybe asking her to do it to hers ISN'T such an unreasonable request, but does she not 'come on' with you anyway and so the same bucket can be used by both? (I only ask because so far, DD1 and I follow each other by 1day).

I have to say tho, the fact that we both have black knickers negate the need anyway, so for us/me, soaking knickers isn't needed

[Neverenough]

You could have the Period Pant Pot!

[twelveyeargap]

Ah, well, I've been either with Mirena Coil (and period-free), pregnant, or breastfeeding for the last few years, so I haven't had to do my own for ages.

If she rinsed them they'd be left on top of her other washing in the room and end up mouldy! (I'm not exaggerating, I promise.)

Right, provided she does something with them, (ie slung in a bowl of water) then I'll leave her alone, til she's a bit older and more used to dealing with periods in general.

Good idea about the panty liners being worn in advance. She's already very regular, so I'll suggest it to her.

[Psychomum5]

same here in a way.......had my 5 in just over 8yrs, then breastfed them too, and now have the mirena coil, so bleed only lightly anyway (well, only need a liner at most), so not really staining my knickers nowadays, but still, I have bought us both 'period knickers', and I still do have a period if only very light so can track her PMT and cycle failry well.

all will be hell for us tho in a few year with THREE DD's to contend with!

[Gumbo]

I agree with Psychomum - don't do it!

My mother never told me what to do with things like this, and wouldn't talk about anything openly either, so when I had a flooding accident when I was about 13 I had no idea what I was supposed to do, and ended up hiding my knickers in the wardrobe. My mother found them a few weeks later and went nuts - and made me leave them soaking for days in the basin for the whole family to see! I was (and still am) absolutely mortified!

Something like this is very private - particularly when you are an adolescent.

[mumeeee]

I have two DD's at home age 18 and 16. I don't expect them to soak them but just put them straightinto the washing machine with the normal wash.
They do know how to clean the loo and hve ben doing thatfrom about 13.

[colditz]

Publicly announcing to the entire household that not only do you have your period, but that it has gone all over your knickers?

I wouldn't do this to a grown woman, never mind a child! How awful!

Make her put them straight in the washing machine, they don't need to be soaked, my pants never stain.

[princessosyth]

OMG!

Cruel is the word that springs to mind.

[Hulababy]

I can honestly say that I have never needed to soak my pants. I just throw them in the normal wash - and I only wash at 40 derees with non-biological powder. Any stains always just come out; I don't even bother with Vanish or whatever. And if I can't wash straight away for some reason and blood has gone on my pants I just pop them in a scented nappy sack in the wash basket and do it within a couple of days - still no problems with stains remaining.

[yelnats]

Soak her pants - FGS stick them in the normal wash! I have never ehard of anyone doing this and never had a problem with stains like this EVER - wash at 40 and they should come out. How embarassing for a 12 year old girl at an already very difficult/embarassing time for her!!

[ladette]

mmmm.. have some sympathy with both twelveyeargap teaching DD how to deal with "period pants" and those who are shocked by the idea. I started my periods in primary, and whilst my Mum and others around me were really kind, the idea of blood stained pants being put in buckets where dad, brother, and yes, even mum, could see them, really upset me. But as a Mum of a pre-pubescent DD, I can see that you are trying to help her. Why don't you ask her what works for her? Also keep note of when she's on, and wash smaller loads every day that week so she can just chuck them in the wash. I get the impression you are a lovely Mum who can't understand your DD's embarrassment. But she probably is embarrassed, rather than unhelpful. if you can't talk it through (and no matter how close you are, teenagers and periods aren't the greatest of mixes!!!) just make the washing as easy and private to deal with as possible

[minorityrules]

Mine 3 girls are older so more used to the old period routine but why not just insist she brings her washing down, couple of times week?

That's what we did (before they did their own laundry) Just tell her you are putting a white wash on and to bring hers, now!

We've had a few stained ones from youngest (disabled, trouble putting pads on properly) any that can't be salvaged by a boil wash and vanish go in the bin, no big deal, they wear the 'greyer' ones for periods anyway