Bit Grim - Girls: Do you expect them to soak their own pants after their period?

[twelveyeargap]

I'm taking over the teen board today, it would seem...

This is a bit grim, but I have asked DD (12) now she's started her periods, to put any stained pants into a bowl of hot water and vanish by the washing machine.

Seems she can't be bothered and either "forgets" or just slings them in a bowl of water for me to sort out.

I don't really see why I should. Am I being harsh?

[twelveyeargap]

Clearly am mean and heartless!

[ScienceTeacher]

Why don't they just go in the normal wash? That's what I do with mine.

My girls haven't reached that stage yet, but all my kids have to basically do their laundry (five year old gets help from her sisters).

[twelveyeargap]

Was saying below, we have argued endlessly about the fact she won't bring her laundry down. I ask and ask and ask and we end up fighting about it, so I just ended up telling her it was her fault if she had no clean clothes to wear. It was actually a compromise, that the pants came down if and when they got stained. So rather than having to say to me that they were ready to go in the wash (so they didn't get left in the machine for a couple of days) when DH might be around, I suggested they go in a bowl of water by the washing machine so the stain didn't set. The machine is in the cellar, it's not public. I'm the only one that goes down there.

She's also not at all shy about periods; there is no embarrassment. She'll talk to me about how heavy her period is or not, chat openly about how she might start using tampons more often. There is no shame at all.

I just thought she was being lazy, that she wouldn't even do this small compromise, when basically I've shut the door on her pigsty of a room and left her to it, rather than argue over it.

That was all.

[ScoobyDoo]

I never soaked my pants in a bowl or anything & am quite glad to be honest.

I have to agree i don't like the idea of this, if your dd can bring her af knickers down & put them in a bowl of solution then surly she can bring them down & put them in the washing machine? whats the difference?

[wheresthehamster]

I'm lucky if dd2 remembers to throw the pad away. I often find them still stuck to her pants on washing day! (Don't barf - not heavily soiled )

[Troutpout]

I'd go with what Sallystawberry says. Just treat it like any other issue and punish accordingly.
fwiw though..i'd ask her to bring it down but sort it out myself and wouldn't expect her to do that at 12.

[TsarChasm]

I wouldn't either. I'd just put them in the wash with everything else.

It sounds like her being unhelpful at home has made you make a stand. I would be annoyed about her not bringing her washing down and at 12 she could reasonably wxpect to be involved in helping with the laundry.

But no; pants soaking in bowls - I wouldn't expect of her, but then I don't do that with my things either.

Could she have a laundry basket in her room and when it's full be responsible for washing it herself in the machine?

[CaptainDippy]

I'd make her eat the pants.

[serin]

I think it sounds horrible having bowls of bloody liquid lying around, what if it gets knocked over?

Then there's the hygiene risks involved in washing the bowl, if she's as lazy as you say she might not wash the sink out properly, urgh, you could all get e-coli!

I would just expect her to put them straight into the washer, there's always plenty of washing to be done here!

[Staceym21AtLast]

i'd say what your asking isnt too hard. i used to soak my knickers in the sink because id seen mum do something similar, my bro wasnt too impressed tho, he was about 14/15 at the time!

[littlegreyrabbit]

simple really - One important question - does dd mind soaking her knickers in a bowl? (embarrassed/shy or whatever)

If yes YABU - compromise and change the routine. (e.g.Get dd to them straight in the machine or what suits you both.)

If no YANBU - she is a lazy teen and you are quite within your rights to ask this of her.

[PaulaYatesbiggestFan]

thankyou for this op

will teach my dd when the time comes
hiding it teaches girls that there is something to hide

i am open

god i bleed all over the shop when just given birth and my sons/daughter see the works!

[ALMummy]

I have a daughter and I would never in a million years ask her to soak her own pants its not like she did it on purpose. Just throw them in with the normal wash. My own mother was very hard on me but she would never have told me to do that. It would not have even occurred to me that it would be a problem.

[DrNortherner]

Am a bit shocked at this tbh. I have never heard of anyone doing this. I would not like a pot of soaking pants in my house tbh.

I never did this and if I had a dd I would not expect her to do it. Anyway, pants should not be hugely stained anyway if they are using correct absorbancy and chaning sanitary protection regularly.

And if some do get stained then so what? Hardly the end of teh world. Just keep them as period pants.

[PaulaYatesbiggestFan]

i dont think it is hard

just practical

[Blu]

Is there a dad or brother in the house?

At 12 I would have left home and slept on the streets rather than put 'period pants' anywhere they would have been seen by dad / brother. Which would include the cellar.

Show her how to rinse in cold water, apply vanish, and put in laundry basket.

[theowlwhowasafraidofthedark]

Agree with DrNortherner, I'm really shocked that people would do this. Sounds very Victorian to me - like being punished for getting her period.
I would have been moritfied if my mum had suggested this to me.
Just get her some black pants.

[ALMummy]

How is soaking pants in bowls in the kitchen more practical than shoving them in the washing machine?

Personally think that periods should be your own business. Soak your own pants if you want to but think it quite invasive actually to be forcing someone else to do this.

[PaulaYatesbiggestFan]

i hope times have changed
periods dont need to be hidden and accidents are part of life

i tell my son if he has wet dreams to strip his bed

wheres the problem

[Blu]

And yes, by all means set an example of openess and 'nothing to be ashamed of' - our household was very open, Mum and dad naked etc etc..but even so at 12 i still badly neded my privacy. Set an example, by all means, paulayates, but that's differnt from imposing a lack of privacy on someone who doesn't feel able, yet, to follow the example.

[DrNortherner]

Yes Blu - I would have been mortified too. I hated the thought that my Dad knew I was having a period. If I had to walk through the house clutching my soiled pants on the period walk of shame I'd have died.

OP - do you soak yours too?

[ALMummy]

Periods dont need to be hidden no but you should choose if you want to shout about them surely? Agree with Blu.