What to wear to sleb-studded private art view in a swanky mayfair club(I will be 3x their size, have nothing to wear, and may well cry in the toilets, but have to go for DP's sake?)

[BitOfFun]

Sorry, am new to posting in Style (as I last bought clothes eons ago), but I really need your help!

DP is having a major show (he is an artist) in a very posh club in London in a month, and told me excitedly that all sorts of people have said they are coming, including Girls Aloud. I do of course feel very proud of him and want to be there to support him, but the thought of Cheryl "I was so fat at 9.5 stone I wanted to kill myself" Cole swanning around is too much for my fragile ego to bear...

I am 5'2", a size 12, probably will have skin too bad (psoriasis bad at mo) to show much arm or leg, and also clueless when it comes to knowing what sort of outfit would be appropriate.

I hate shopping, so online if possible would be great. Please help me, I am majorly stressing out about going to a big do when I am a bit shy anyway, and o don't want to be sneered at by famous twiglets or (heaven forbid) hear "Oi, outta the picture fatarse!" from some paps

Please help me feel more confident and pick an outfit!

Oops, big malfunction on the 3g there! Yes, it's me, but I have put quite a lot of wine-induced weight on since, am scabby from psoriasis, and unfortunately have yet to perfect a way of only occupying beautifully-lit spaces with judicious stomach shrinkage in photoshop, so don't be too fooled

Oh crap, my phone is totally on blink- I hope this doesn't post a million times- I don't want everyone to know!!

bof you are truly naturally beautiful, my god you will look great.!!

Oh crap, sorry for the multiposts- hope this works, and thanks for being lovely to me, it is very nice to get a boost when you feel a bit crap. As I mentioned, my skin is truly awful just now, and the hospital is bringing the big heavy drug guns out for me, so now I'm hoping it will improve, and you lot have cheered me up anyway

well?
What did you wear?

Bumpity bump.

So what are you wearing next week BoF?

Dressy or semi casual , I'm all of a tither.

Heels for sure for me as I'll be limiting myself to two drinks (snort)

It got put back to next Thursday! 2nd April. I am soooo hoping Christopher Biggins will come, I love him

I am going to wear the black dress with opaque purply-mauve tights and my lovely purply-mauve highish but not stupid heels I think. Or my brass coloured Tbar dancing shoes.

Devil, I bought a lovely cream coloured Chloe-ish dress with ruffly bits over the chest (will put pic up soon if I can remember how)- would look marvellous with black opaque tights and a black ribbon at the neck? Anyway, have never been anywhere nice enough to wear it, or even try it on. And guess what? I am way too fat for it I will post it to if you like the sound of it?

Ooh sounds very nice BoF, I remember the dress, skimp but not slutty lacy number. The tights and shoes sound fab too.

Are any other mners coming?

The dress sounds lovely! What size is it?

I was thinking of wearing a cream dress actually, a 3/4 length sleeved empre line on with beady bits from Zara years ago, that or my treasured green dress.

Have emailed you photos for your perusal. It doesn't say what size- about a ten from the way my boobs don't get in! Ooh, and it's 100% silk I have just noticed, so I must have wasted more money on it than I thought

Actually I do remember how much it was- why I didn't try it on, I am such a fool!! I felt a bit sorry for the lady in the shop I think.

Hopefully other mners coming, yes!

If it's nice name yer price.

I'm a poet and I know it.

Gah this is dangerous I'm still waiting for friend to arrive, wine is now less than half full and I'm not even out of the door.

I am poorly with a cold and too sick to go to the offlicence! < eyes methylated spirits >

It's free to you my love- go and check the pics and see if you likey!

Oh dear hope you feel better soon.

Step away from the cough syrup, hehe

The dress is gorgeous, I've emailed you

I think I have completely changed my mind and am wearing a boho-ish blue patterned dress now, mauve tights and bronze shoes. It's a bit ruffly, so maybe it will make me look fattish? Or is it just me that makes me look fattish? I need to dig out some bangles now.

Right, hair....curly or straight? Curly would look better, but unless I can wash it on the day (which I doubt, as I'll be travelling and might not get time) it will be a frizzy mess. Aaargh, I'm getting nervous now!

Nooooo I was going to wear bronze shoes.

But that's okay I've got options. Still no dress my love (sob)

Curly hair for sure, I can't imagine you without it. Wash it in the sink on the train, hehe.

Your outfit sounds lovely

BoF, I will have to shoot off at 9, my mum will be here to look after the children but she needs to leave early the next day (you are probably relieved to hear that haha)

At the moment my options are -

Dress from you (if it arrives, and fits and doesn't make me look lumpy) with black crotch tights and red shiny mary janes, black and red necklace.

Satin long sleeved round necked black dress with applique birds all over it, no tights and huge heeled black mary janes, gold chunky jewellery.

Or, there are loads of 'slightly less dressy options'. Just how 'well heeled' will it be..hmm, mayfair, art, wags, hmmmm..

Oh and I must refrain from making lame jokes about Peter Crouch , erm, crouching.

Both sound lovely...I'm trying to think teatime glamour rather than full on posh party, but that might be because I am chicken. It will be pretty dressy, I reckon. Ooh, I hope the dress is there by tomorrow!

What did you wear to the last one? Can you hire something swanky?

I would rather be more of a wallflower if at all possible! Getting me out of black is progress

hey bof your dp and the event was in the london paper tonight, photo of cheryl pic too.

they'll all be wearing black with big silver jewellery and fat bottoms ime.

That was my fallback position, fishie, thanks for the tip!