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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Son staying at home whilst at Uni - should he pay living costs?

90 replies

Candlelight1969 · 15/05/2018 21:59

I live with my DP, 2 sons and 2 SS and have done for 8 years. My eldest son and eldest SS are both away at Uni, but my youngest son (grades permitting!) plans to go to a local uni but live at home.

My DP thinks that as he is at Uni but living at home he should contribute financially to the household as the two eldest boys incur living costs at uni that he won't.

I would really value opinions on what is fair. My view is that all 3 boys have made a choice, whereas our two eldest boys are living away, therefore incur greater costs whereas my youngest son wishes to live at home and it seems harsh to expect him to pay to do so when he is a student. I would certainly expect him to contribute to helping more around the house but charging him seems wrong to me. However, my DP thinks that we are incurring costs by him staying at home and he should make a financial contribution towards them.
I would really appreciate any opinions, am I too lenient, what would most families do? Thanks

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NotARegularPenguin · 15/05/2018 22:07

I wouldn’t charge my dd in these circumstances but it partly/mainly depends on your financial circumstances. How well can you afford it?

How about charging for some food which will be a cost for you? But not actual rent or money to the bills.

Hideandgo · 15/05/2018 22:08

I definitely wouldn’t. It seems mean. Unless he is working full time.

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 22:10

Uni is 200 a week and 75 left after rent to live on...

merrymouse · 15/05/2018 22:10

Where would the money he pays you come from?

BrownTurkey · 15/05/2018 22:11

Will he take out the same maintenance loanas the others or get the same financial contribution from you as the others? That would affect it I think. But in general I don’t think he should necessarily contribute financially more than a token amount until earning. Its a great way to help him out.

Mrskeats · 15/05/2018 22:15

Charge your own student child rent? No not in my house. Wouldn't dream of it.

TheNoseyProject · 15/05/2018 22:16

Won’t that just mean you paying him to pay you? Presumably he doesn’t have the money to cover his all his costs and the loans are still means tested so I assume you’ll still be contributing.

I think you need to treat him as if he were going away. You and your dp really have no idea what your other sons spend on or do day-to-day. It sounds like your dp is expecting him not to really be a student but he doesn’t expect that of the other 2.

Shiftymake · 15/05/2018 22:18

We charge around £30 a week, this covers all extra outgoings, food, toiletries aso. Just got a job as well so the contribution will go up £20 to save some aside for her.

titchy · 15/05/2018 22:24

Students remaining at hone are entitled to a much reduced maintenance loan (£3,200 assuming you're not a low income household). How much of that will he need for travel, course costs, socialising, clothes?

Will he actually anything left over to give you?! Probably not.

TroubledLichen · 15/05/2018 22:24

How are the older two funding living away from home? In most cities the maintenance loan barely covers rent and most students receive financial help from mum and dad. If you’re giving the others money but charging the younger one because he’s opted for a local uni then that seems very unfair. And even if you’re not supporting the older ones, I still think it’s unfair to charge the younger one, it’s not like he’s earning a salary. He’s an adult though so I’d expect him to take responsibility for himself around the house, buy his own toiletries etc.

Magda72 · 15/05/2018 22:25

How are the two eldest funded at uni?
Do they have jobs or do you & dp support then?

greendale17 · 15/05/2018 22:25

Charge your own student child rent? No not in my house. Wouldn't dream of it.

^I agree

Magda72 · 15/05/2018 22:25

them

DramaAlpaca · 15/05/2018 22:26

I wouldn't charge any of my DC unless they were working full time.

MollyHuaCha · 15/05/2018 22:36

I wouldn't charge anything but would expect some help around the house - loading dishwasher, mowing lawn etc.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/05/2018 22:40

Adult child working full time = paying rent.

Child a full toke student, whether at school or university = not paying rent.

He’s being very weird and mean about this. Is he trying to make your child move out because his have?

SandyY2K · 16/05/2018 00:00

I don't agree that you should charge a child even if there an adult in full-time education any money.

I think it comes across as a bit mean. I also think that one of the advantages of staying at home is that you reduce your costs. If he gets a student loan for maintenance it will be less due to the fact his University is in the same City so I don't think it's fair to penalise him for making the choice to stay at home by having to pay rent. It just wouldn't sit very well with me to charge my child while they are in full-time study it would be very different if they were working and staying at home and even if he gets a part-time job you know students are always very broke. I have another child who will hopefully be going to university in a couple of years she's likely to apply to one in the city where we live and if she got in I wouldn't expect her to pay anything.

HerRoyalNotness · 16/05/2018 02:08

No I wouldn’t. If you’re topping up the others who live away, your contribution to the one staying at home will be free board and food.

Original poster

Candlelight1969 · 16/05/2018 02:17

Thanks for all your views - a huge help.
Our finances are OK - son being at home wouldn't make a huge difference. We keep our finances separate in terms of our children and my eldest is in the fortunate position of being supported by a relative so I haven't needed to provide help although he has had a PT job for some of the time as well. The eldest boys are in 1st year at uni.
I think my DC would be expected to get a PT job or get a maintenance loan for his living costs, I currently give him approx £50 per month which (hopefully!) helps him learn to manage his finances, out of this comes his phone, going out etc. - he makes it stretch!
My DP isn't trying to force my DC to live away but I think sees it as unfair that the eldest 2 boys have increased costs and wants him to support himself. Part of me feels if it is mainly about money, I would pay some additional costs myself into our household, but that would feel strange. I feel this is going to blow up because it feels very wrong to me. I would like him to get PT job as lots of students do and perhaps he could make a token contribution for food, that may be a halfway house?

OP posts:

TheHobbitMum · 16/05/2018 02:24

I would not charge rent to my DC while they are students, unless my financial situation was do dire there was absolutely no other option.
He'll have a much reduced maintenance loan compared to his siblings because he's at home and I wouldnt want my DC having to work to pay rent which would be an added pressure he could do without when he should be studying

Grasslands · 16/05/2018 02:29

your dp seems mean spirited honestly.
students don't pay rent in my world.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 16/05/2018 02:35

My DS stayed at home & went to a local uni. I did not charge him rent as I wanted him to concentrate on his studies (and he was already getting into debt with student loans) he volunteered to pay board as soon as he was earning until he moved out.

Argeles · 16/05/2018 03:01

I wouldn’t even charge my children ‘maintenance’ if they were both living with my DH and I, and earning in full time careers, so definitely wouldn’t charge them as students.

They should be saving their money, and enjoying themselves a little bit whenever they can. The cost of living is so high now, that young people need all the help they can get to be able to save up, such as by living with their families.

MoodyTwo · 16/05/2018 06:09

I wouldn't charge my DS but I would expect full help around the house.

dayinlifeof · 16/05/2018 06:15

No, I wouldn't charge him but he'd have to help round the house as long as it didn't mess up his studies as that is part and parcel of adults living together.

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