Son staying at home whilst at Uni - should he pay living costs?

[Candlelight1969]

I live with my DP, 2 sons and 2 SS and have done for 8 years. My eldest son and eldest SS are both away at Uni, but my youngest son (grades permitting!) plans to go to a local uni but live at home.

My DP thinks that as he is at Uni but living at home he should contribute financially to the household as the two eldest boys incur living costs at uni that he won't.

I would really value opinions on what is fair. My view is that all 3 boys have made a choice, whereas our two eldest boys are living away, therefore incur greater costs whereas my youngest son wishes to live at home and it seems harsh to expect him to pay to do so when he is a student. I would certainly expect him to contribute to helping more around the house but charging him seems wrong to me. However, my DP thinks that we are incurring costs by him staying at home and he should make a financial contribution towards them.
I would really appreciate any opinions, am I too lenient, what would most families do? Thanks

Nail on head titchy
I have worked hard to make sure my kids have better life chances and choices than me.
Lots of this stuff is about jealousy.
What people seem to forget is how younger generations will probably never be homeowners and as for retirement they can probably forget all about that.

No I wouldn't charge rent for a child student .

Medicine, engineering, sciences, teaching possibly finance and accounting maybe law
So you think these are the only useful degrees?

Sounds like a very narrow minded and uneducated comment.

As though any other degree is a waste of time.

Does your partner give his son (at university) money?

If he gives him money he is definately unreasonable. If he doesn’t give him money because the maintenance loan is based on his ex wife’s income and she pays it he is also unreasonable (especially if he should have given money had he been the primary caregiver).

Medicine, engineering, sciences, teaching possibly finance and accounting maybe law

I work in finance but have an English Lit degree. Would you consider my university education worth it because I work for an investment bank and not as a teacher?!

My rule is, if they are in FT education, no. If they are working full time (not including summer holidays), then yes, they pay rent.

No. If he is working and earning a reasonable amount of money it would be good if him to offer to contribute. Assuming that he isn't earing much because he is studying, if he is a good, thoughtful person, he will likely do things like come home with a big grocery shop unprimpted. But asking him for money yourselves would be incredibly vulgar.

I would not expect any money from my daughter but would expect her to find part time work during holiday time. I think Uni is difficult enough and would want her to enjoy the experience, plus I would get to keep my little schmoopie with me much longer. :)

work in finance but have an English Lit degree. Would you consider my university education worth it because I work for an investment bank and not as a teacher?! hmm

Good for you. All I'm saying is some courses are much more demanding and difficult than others and some guarantee a good job and some don't.
I would wander if English Lit. was a good choice as you are not working in your field. If my child, in the future, decides to study something with weak job prospects I will insist they have a pt job too.

whitecat
No degree guarantees a good job. You still have to get the actual job and be proficient at it to succeed.
I have an English Lit Degree and a Master's and now run my own tuition company whilst still keeping my hand in with some teaching.
I also write and edit professionally. I earn a £60k plus for part time and am mostly home based. This ok for you?
I feel so sorry for your kids if they turn out to be artistic. I also feel you have no clue what you are talking about.

My oldest lives away at uni and can't work except when she comes home - if she has a week with no lectures or placements, she will drive the 200 miles home to work full time. But she still needs help from us on occasion despite having a full loan.

Living at home I'd expect them to contribute in term of helping in the house and no more.

No I wouldn't expect money from a student.

I'm just off to tell my high earning dh that his English degree was a waste of time

I will go against the grain and say you should charge him something to teach him about budgets, costs etc.

Eldest two chose to live away and have higher costs - ergo will have more debt at the end. They pay for their lodgings and food etc etc. Have to learn to budget, clean up after themselves etc

Youngest lives at home - has no food, lodging, elec, responsibility, mum cleans, food appears magically in the fridge and he has no debt.

So you give youngest about £5-8K subsidy and not the others?

He has no debt and they have loads. Whilst not expecting him to go into debt - a contribution will teach him more about monies and adult life than freeloading off you.

If you were paying the other two the equivalent then no issue but you are not? You are setting him up for life - no debt, whilst the other two will have, probably get jobs whilst studying and that is a distinctly unfair advantage.

Whilst not charging the full amount but £100 pcm would not be unreasonable.

i agree with your DH.

I'm just off to tell my high earning dh that his English degree was a waste of time

Really ppl I have never said English degree is a waste of time. And some(A LOT) people are high earners with no degree at all..some are high earners and have a degree that has nothing to do with their job..very common too..And I really see no reason why somebody studying English can't have a pt job at uni.

Oh and if my child is artistic I will support them but, shock, horror, poor them and I must be a reallyan awful parent, I will insist on pt job.

I will also insist on pt job when they are 16 if they want extra money..not even at uni..and that probably constitutes child abuse in some minds here