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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

At my wits end with things like this!!

133 replies

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 16:36

I've just posted a Facebook status that reads:

"Daniel and my two beautiful boys mean the whole world to me."

That's my partner and our two sons. I love them to the end of the universe and back.

Then I get a comment off BIL saying, "And X as your step daughter."

I am furious with him. Sick and tired of him saying stuff like this. I swiftly corrected him and told him that I do not call her that and that I am not her stepmum. I am her dad's girlfriend. Am I so so wrong that I do not love her as much as my partner and my two children? I mean, I don't treat her any differently, but the feelings of love just aren't there. So if I don't want to include her in a bloody Facebook status I won't! So so so petty.

OP posts:

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NippyDrips · 05/04/2013 20:15

I was going to say you ,can't win either way, if you wrote how much you love her then you would be crossing the line and so on.

But your posts have made you come across really resentful of a 7 year old child. My onlaws treated dd better than ds but I held it against Mil, not dsd. She is a child and not responsible for the behavior of adults around her.

waltermittymissus · 05/04/2013 20:15

Well, she's allowed to put up a status about loving her family, whether people here deem it inane or not.

There's also very little risk of a 7 year old seeing it.

And I don't think it's U to not love your sc as you would your own dc.

However, you may want to have a look at your feelings OP. Quite frankly, your resentment is palpable.

This is an innocent child. And although she can't see it, the people who love her can. The status in and of itself is not a big deal but...it seems you did it on purpose, to make a point?

She is your dc's sister. It's not her fault if she is getting preferential treatment from ILs (been there).

Think how upset you are about your IL's treatment of your dc. Is that how you want to be with sc?

That makes you as bad as them!

exoticfruits · 05/04/2013 20:19

I can't see what the ILs have to do with it- or why they come into it at all.

mynewpassion · 05/04/2013 20:21

Vicious cycle. Ils overcompensate for the op's dislike of dsd. Op then dislikes dsd more.

pictish · 05/04/2013 20:23

Exotic - me either. It's just tit for tat bollocks from OP.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:23

mynewpassion

You have no idea. I think you'll find I am overcompensating for my DS being disliked by his own grandparents. Then they dislike DS even more.

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NigellaTufnel · 05/04/2013 20:25

I'm glad the ILs over compensate, the poor girl will need all the help and love she can get as she seems to have the archetypal wicked stepmother.

You do realise that your DP loves her, don't you?

pictish · 05/04/2013 20:26

This girl is your husband's daughter - she was there before you and your precious boys.
She is your sons sister.

But yet you are not her stepmother, you are just her dad's girlfriend?

Cold.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:27

I never used to be like this. I really didn't. I was never so resentful or bitter. The adults in my life have slowly dragged me down and I am not thinking rationally a lot of the time. They have said some very hurtful things and I think I am taking it out on the wrong person. I am in bits.

Sorry for the drip feeding.

OP posts:

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:29

And I did post that status to get at my ILs. And I noticed that it worked so I took it down straight away.

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pictish · 05/04/2013 20:31

Ok - now we are getting somewhere OP.

Tell us all about it if you like. You have my attention.

NigellaTufnel · 05/04/2013 20:33

Why did you do it?

exoticfruits · 05/04/2013 20:34

At least you know that you are taking it out in the wrong person- that is the start.
Imagine if the grandparents spoilt one of your DSs and ignored the other- would you really take against the one they spoiled? I think you would realise that it wasn't the DSs fault.
Can't you just have less to do with ILs?

TreeLuLa · 05/04/2013 20:36

sOrry OP, your actions sound immature and horrid.

Thisisaeuphemism · 05/04/2013 20:36

Oh, sowhat, why don't your in laws treat your DSs well? That must be very hurtful.

flurp · 05/04/2013 20:37

I remember your thread about your on laws and I felt sorry for you. Now I can see why they favour their granddaughter.
You are coming across as spiteful and mean.
Have a go at the ILs by all means (funny how you call them your in laws but you won't be called her step mum???) but don't take it out on an innocent child.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:39

Well a couple of months ago I posted a thread (it will be on my history I think) about how upset I am that my In laws treat my son very very differently and that it is upsetting me so much.

My ILs had room in car to take my son the Knowlsey Safari Park, but my BIL took his seat instead. He said to me very coldly that my son wouldn't be going anyway as he needs more looking after than the other kids, such as his nappy changing. It broke my heart when he said that. He's a little boy.

Then on another occasion my MIL said that she "doesn't know him" (DS) and that she isn't making all the effort. We live at the other side of town without a car and she can't even be bothered coming to se him to get to know him.

BIL (again) said that DS's sister is a nicer child than DS :(

I can't cope anymore.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 05/04/2013 20:40

Why do people feel the need to post shite like this on Facebook, or anywhere else for that matter? Cringeworthy and pointless.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:41

Flirt, can't you see I am like this because of them?? They started all this hurtful behaviour.

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SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:41

Flurp **

Sorry, not flirt.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 05/04/2013 20:42

So what happens with your other DS?

pictish · 05/04/2013 20:42

Were you the OW at all? It wouldn't excuse your inlaws, but might go some way to explaining it.

If not...well...what's it all about?

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SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:43

He's a baby, 1 month old. Obviously I'm not too bothered about him not being included as he's blissfully unaware and I don't expect anyone to look after him.

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Snazzynewyear · 05/04/2013 20:44

Your BIL sounds like he interferes a lot in your relationship with your ILs. Why is that? Can you have a direct discussion with them about your DS without him being part of it?

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:44

No I wasn't the OW.

I have absolutely no idea.

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