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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

At my wits end with things like this!!

133 replies

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 16:36

I've just posted a Facebook status that reads:

"Daniel and my two beautiful boys mean the whole world to me."

That's my partner and our two sons. I love them to the end of the universe and back.

Then I get a comment off BIL saying, "And X as your step daughter."

I am furious with him. Sick and tired of him saying stuff like this. I swiftly corrected him and told him that I do not call her that and that I am not her stepmum. I am her dad's girlfriend. Am I so so wrong that I do not love her as much as my partner and my two children? I mean, I don't treat her any differently, but the feelings of love just aren't there. So if I don't want to include her in a bloody Facebook status I won't! So so so petty.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

exoticfruits · 05/04/2013 20:45

I get a bit lost- if your older one is in nappies is it just not a case that he would be difficult on that sort of trip?

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/04/2013 20:47

He is 1 month old and you're bothered about him going to a safari park?

In the nicest possible way have you discussed your resentments and upset and feelings with your HV, you are really quite irrational and if you can't see that there may be an underlying issue there if its been a recent thing.

exoticfruits · 05/04/2013 20:48

It was the older one- not the baby!

Thisisaeuphemism · 05/04/2013 20:50

there are two little boys - one is 2 and one is tiny.

LillianGish · 05/04/2013 20:50

Lots of Facebook threads today! I just don't see why you have to post something like this on Facebook - it's for whose benefit exactly? Everyone loves their kids - just tell them - you don't need to make a public announcement. And if you do feel the need to announce it to all and sundry on Facebook then don't be surprised if you get comments - that's the whole point isn't it? So people can interact with you.

Thisisaeuphemism · 05/04/2013 20:51

The in laws sound horrible. Do not play into their hands. It sounds like you, DH and even his ex are in agreement about this. Why not keep all the kids with you at the weekend until they start changing their ways?

pictish · 05/04/2013 20:52

I'm feeling for you OP...you have allowed this to cloud your judgement haven't you? Amd stoop to their level?

Original poster

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:53

Exotic, he's made it clear many times that DS is too difficult to look after because he needs his nappy changing, not just that particular trip.

OP posts:

flurp · 05/04/2013 20:53

I quite like Flirt actually
I didnt mean to be nasty - sorry if it came across that way
How old are your boys? Are they both your DPs sons too?
I see why you are retaliating but that isn't the way to do it. You and DP need to talk to his family about it and either resolve the issue or stop seeing them all.
You know its not right to take it out on DSD - and she IS your DSD it's just not fair on her and none of this is her fault.
Fwiw I don't love my DSC (at times I have struggled to even like them ) but I would die rather than let them feel that from me.

exoticfruits · 05/04/2013 20:54

I would have as little to do with them as possible - they sound a dead loss.

allnewtaketwo · 05/04/2013 20:56

Pictish it's sadly very common for GPs to very obviously treat "first family children" favourably. I've seen loads of other posters wrote about it on here, and have seen my own MIL do the same

exoticfruits · 05/04/2013 20:57

Smile, nod, ignore and don't let them get to you.

HauntedArmchairOfDoom · 05/04/2013 20:57

What a crock of shite

Thisisaeuphemism · 05/04/2013 20:58

It sounds like You have a lovely DH, two lovely little boys, a great relationship with Dhs daughter - so much good stuff going on -

I would stop any contact for a while with these toxic in laws, but also stop lookiing at/using Facebook - it only ramps up tensions.

Original poster

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 20:59

I really have allowed it to cloud my judgement. I have considered walking out in the past but I have to tell myself what good would that do? I think I am being so overprotective of my child and it is far easier for me to take it out on his sister than have it out with my ILs.

That sounds awful and I just want to feel normal again. My DP has spoken to his mum about it, she calls his stupid. My BIL told me to STFU about it and get own with it. These are really vile people and I do not want to carry on stooping to their level, trying to score points with innocent children in the middle of it all.

He'll, I resorted to bloody Facebook to get a few cheap points!!

OP posts:

Original poster

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 21:04

Flurp, all thanks to the autocorrect!

My boys are 2 and 1 month old. Their sister absolutely adores them both, she's always eager to help out with the little one and is always playing with the 2 year old. They get on fabulously. They are both my DP's sons.

I know she's my DSD, I know she is. Again, I knew that would get at them if I said she wasn't. We are a brilliant, secure little family unit, and I want to keep it that way.

OP posts:

allnewtaketwo · 05/04/2013 21:07

I think I said it when you posted that other thread - I really don't understand why the 2 of you (you and DP) allow this to continue. You both need to protect your sons from this toxic lot and stop having contact with them. They won't change, you need to remove your children from this toxic damaging situation

Snazzynewyear · 05/04/2013 21:11

Agree - do they expect to have your DSD round, or take her out for trips, on weekend she is with your DP, but without your DS(es) coming too? Because if so, I think your DP should tell them that if they are not prepared to spend time with both their granddaughter and their grandson(s) they won't get any of them.

Original poster

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 21:14

Allnew, I do remember you saying that. My DP has definitely put a stop to this continuing. My dad is having them both tomorrow anyway, so if she rings up then its tough luck! She's missed out.

OP posts:

Maternitygold · 05/04/2013 21:14

OP - now you come across as a nice loving mum to all your three kids pls don't let your in laws or anyone else spoil it. Stay happy in your family and enjoy! Kids have a tendency of give back love multiple times so love your step daughter and it will bring happiness and love into your and your sons' lives. Fuck to in laws if they interfere.

Original poster

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 21:17

Snazzy, that is exactly what has been happening. My mil will specifically ring up and ask for one child to spend time at hers, and deliberately leaves the other one out. She knows it upsets both me and my DP. She knows it upsets her grandson and she knows his little heart breaks when he sees his big sister go without him. And she thinks it is acceptable because she can't be arsed to "get to know him".

OP posts:

olibeansmummy · 05/04/2013 21:17

I was going to post that you can say what you like on fb, but then you said you did it for a reaction: you got a reaction and now your upset

As for the going out issue, some people on here are adamant that no fun must be had without the dsc however, it's not normal for families to only do activities on certain days and you have 2 very young children, so normal advice would be for you to get out as much as possible!

The Mother's Day card however, is slightly odd. You seem to have made a huge deal over it, when you'd have been better to just wait and see and if you got a card, accept it gracefully.

As for the pils, they do sound over the top. I do know how you feel. What you need to do though is 'kill them with kindness'. Force them to get to know your dc (both of them, not just the oldest) go round all the time, invite them on days out that they can't really say no to, send them pictures of your dcs. Keep pretending until it becomes a reality.

Original poster

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 21:24

Olibeansmummy- yeah it does sound odd the Facebook thing. I think it was one of those spur of the moment things that whatever the outcome I would have been upset. Whether they said something or not.

The Mother's Day card, DSD honestly had no idea what I said, this was again a dig at the in laws, trying to get at them and to somehow upset them. Obviously if I did receive one I would never ever rip it up in DsDs face or throw it in the bin.

OP posts:

waltermittymissus · 05/04/2013 21:32

But don't you see, this cycle of getting digs in is unhealthy for all of you!

Original poster

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 05/04/2013 21:34

But don't you see, this cycle of getting digs in is unhealthy for all of you!

I whole heartedly agree with you. It's draining and really really not normal at all.

OP posts:

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