The Goose and Carrot Thread

[hibernatinghedgehog]

Everyone is welcome. The thread is deleted after 90 days.

Thanks @SunriseSunsetz Yes definitely "improved" consumer unit nonsense going on here and DH has told me they said they might have to break the kitchen tiles but said they hoped not to. And don't know how many days of no electrics this will be and them making dust, holes and debris everywhere. And they think this will probably solve the issue. Argh.

Plus I discovered we have a vent hole just above the bath in the area to tile in the middle of 4 tiles. We are continuing the what on earth is wrong with the dishwasher game - it is saying low water pressure so we have some more salt for it and have checked inlet pipes and they are fine. Its like playing that whack a mole game at the moment in an advanced version where the moles are all male and throw dust and dirt everywhere and the only person capable of cleaning is apparently me.

@lougle That reminds me of when we all got ill and DH declared to the French doctor he was much worse than anyone else. The French doctor then gave him double antibiotics and the rest of us single, after taking those he was the most sick. 😂

We have just got more things in tonight - waterbutt stand, plaster repair, mesh, gloss paint, torch etc. DS seems fairly happy and eating well though he doesn't yet know about the electricians coming back for a longer period and the shed coming down before the new one goes up but bath has gone down fine even without electrics.

Normally they do all the work and then it takes about 20mins with the electricity off to swap things over.

@ViolaCat Your DH sounds like mine!

I was hospital to be induced with DS; but labour started naturally at 2 am. DH arrived at 8 am for the induction. Anyway, after 18 hours in labour, DS was born naturally - DH told me, he was more tired than me!

One time DD2 was at university, a three and half hours drive away. She was admitted to hospital with a quinsy, the worst pain she’d ever experienced. DH spent the whole time complaining to her, about his back ache from the drive!

I asked DC how their preparations were going for an emergency? DS has 9 weeks of food, but only 4 days of water, and a charcoal bbq with 7 days of charcoal. DD2 said “What emergency?”

@drspouse your loss is so shocking and sudden and yet you are having to put one foot in front of the other and get through the days. I have been thinking about your DS and remembering all the triumphs and lovely details you have posted over the years. We continue to pray for you. It’s really good to read that many people will be at the funeral to remember and say goodbye to DS. Being supported and surrounded by love will be essential. The pub has a unique mixture of being anonymous but also very intimate, especially for longtime posters and you are very much cared about.

Thanks @hibernatinghedgehog for opening up the pub.

We ended up moving DDs meds by 15 mins each day to transition the changing of the clocks and it didn’t work well but she has manage to see a specialist about her pain and difficulty walking. I can not believe that not only is DD now vaccinated but she is also mentally and physically well enough to walk into a healthcare setting for the first time in 9 years.

I haven’t done anything differently for an emergency as we have been doing it for years through fear of specific foods/toiletries not being available. DM had purchased 100 tea lights to cook with, doesn’t sound at all dangerous for someone with hardly any sight and balance issues. I think the biggest thing by far for us would be access to meds in an emergency.

It would be useful without an emergency if the NHS went back to issuing longer prescriptions.

@SunriseSunsetz a lawyer assessed competency for DD when they drafted her LPAs. It was way more expensive than drafting LPAs yourself but it settled my mind.

Pensions are a funny one as the limit is c£3,600 p.a. contributions (inc gov tax relief) if you are not working which, including growth, would give a pot of under £200k at retirement age, it sounds like a lot of money but it might be in that awkward income gap of £6k-£8k a year, that takes a person out of the welfare system and all its gateways. If DS will always have family support and a home with siblings that is a big consideration for help navigating his financial future. £6k-£8k in 40 years time will be more like £2k-£3k in today’s money so just a little bit on top of state pension and that’s if you save the maximum every year. We concluded that a pension is a good idea if DD needed a big expenditure and draws down lump sums but that she would need help entering the benefits system again once the pension has been spent. If DD is cared for at home or residential when we are no longer here her pension would go towards funding that which the state would have done.

I also wonder how the governments care levy would work. It’s very difficult to financially future plan for a gosling.

@RedMoniker amazing progress that DD actually visited a healthcare setting! What a huge step.

I think DD2 may try to attempt college today. She's feeling wobbly about it.

DD1 was very sweet yesterday. She has been watching Something Special so she treated the care manager with Makaton signing throughout the assessment.

DD3 has her annual review today. I had said that I'd go in person but I might switch it to Teams. DF is going to have to pick DD2 up from college because the time clashes anyway.

I finally complained about the fact that our house still has no insulation and bricks missing from the walls over a month after they said they would be back to fix it. The retrofit team said they couldn't get it done until they had a compliance certificate, which couldn't be issued until the issue with the damp proof course has been fixed, which means that we need an ACO drain. After complaining, I had I phone call to book in the ACO drain installation for today.

@Lougle that is very sweet of DD1.

Yes, ITA - if we managed to get DD1 home in an emergency, her meds would be one of our biggest worries! Our practice issues 56 day prescriptions, but some of her drugs are rare. Supply could be another problem!

@NightHeron it’s a big worry for you having no clear plan for DD1 in an emergency. I hope they respond with something solid.

When these electricians have been so far they have cut electricity to whole house all day, first visit wasn't too bad as weather was mild and enough daylight so just no WiFi, kitchen etc. Second time it's no heating, no kitchen, no WiFi, no lights all day. So am anticipating that again, they will be doing a whole house EICR but the partial rewire DH thinks is just downstairs but I thought it was part of upstairs too, will see when quote comes through. We haven't got that many circuits as the electrics are old and they flit from one place to another and go round with torches. They are also only about 19. They are registered and one looks a bit older, we had three of them yesterday plus the cat was sticking his nose in the wires they left undone so good it was off yesterday or the cat would have lost his whiskers. They do at least go round in their socks so don't trail mud like DS. The kitchen isn't too bad as they come at 9.30am so we have 2 cups of tea first and get food from the cafe for lunch, that part is nice. It's DS that bothers me the most with it as he won't be in the house when they are, that's why I said no rewiring.

Glad house will get sorted @Lougle

Well done on DD walking to a healthcare setting @RedMoniker

That was what I was like @Nightheron I need to know exactly what emergency I am preparing for though obviously then it's not an emergency 🤔 We have now eaten the tinned water chestnuts so if that was the solution to anything we are stuffed.

@ViolaCat if they are rewiring, they should put the new wiring in then turn off the power, attach the new wiring, turn the power back on, then remove the now disconnected old wiring. If they are fixing part of a loop they turn that off at the fuse box to work on that section. They sound like they are used to working on empty properties. Give them tea and ask them if there’s anyway they could leave the power on unless absolutely necessary.

i have huge trenches (sewage/water/electrics for new bit). around two sides of my house. It’s muddy and bloody inconvenient but once all reconnected should be good. The cats are not happy.

The medicine is the biggest worry for Armageddon scenarios for us. But there’s literally nothing we can do about it, so no point in fretting. We work with a lot of hospitals so I think in a real emergency would just beg.

I think I need to understand what losing benefits would really look like for ds. We still have a few decades to save for him though our earning potential may dip. Maybe we are safer trying to do it ourselves? (Financially)

@RedMoniker well done DD. That’s brilliant progress. She really is coming on leaps and bounds this year.

@Lougle your house must be chilly. I hope progress is made today.

We wouldn’t have space to store multiple months of medication even if longer scripts were issued. What will be, will be. Worrying won’t change anything.

@drspouse ITA with @RedMoniker . I have read your posts throughout MN for years. We don’t know how you keep going, through such an unimaginably difficult time. Our thoughts are with you.

Hope everything is connected soon @SunriseSunsetz I think the electricians are only about 19 and they just do what is easiest for them, they are lovely hardworking, polite young men but untidy and almost always have all electrics off. I don't think they work on empty houses especially but its more they've just done what's easiest for them and haven't thought further than that though it might be if we ask they could keep more electrics on. Though the wifi and kitchen and heating are all in part they are doing. We can manage but its a bit of a pain when it goes on more than half a day. Its mainly DS as he stays in the garden / shed whole time they are here so I wanted to avoid multiple days but we 100% need the certificates and to have it signed off as safe otherwise house is uninsurable and issues if selling so there's no choice. I am not sure if asking for EICR will pick up the lights wiring but in a way may be better to have all done together if they are damaging house in process. I've asked listed buildings consent, they are normally quite reasonable and I think as they hopefully aren't moving anything and its needed for safety they will say don't need permission.

Ideally I would prefer to be out of the house when they are doing this but there's no way we can do that with DS and cat. Plus prefer to keep an eye on things.

Hopefully doing some tiling today, at least bathrooms don't have electric wiring, yay so we have 2 rooms they can't trash. They left paracetamol last time and I thought a miracle has occurred DS has taken medicine then I thought no it'll be more 19 year olds especially as it was from a shop we don't shop at.

I am also very worried about DS losing benefits but not being better @SunriseSunsetz and having a PIP review during a time of money going out left, right and centre is not helping, well it is helping as I am more focussed on what parts of our house will get trashed but I find its best not to focus too much on long-term as things change so much and also for DS its depressing. Maybe he will be inspired by 19 year olds rewiring though so far not especially though he does use their sensor light and walking light. He does love a gadget. It is a pain we can't put in a pension but am not sure that would be best for DS at the moment. You might be able to open a pension for your DS if he can do the basics like has ID and can sign. We can't for DS but still don't think its worth getting the deputyship until he inherits.

@ViolaCat it is so difficult to tell what a long term outcome is when a child has been more able in the past than they currently are. I still believe your DS has more recovery ahead of him. You are brilliant at making your home beautiful and comfortable while he finds himself again. I will be complaining loudly if my DD does not get her PIP renewed and asking for a review. I can’t imagine either my DD or your DS will be refused but if they are there is a further step.

@ViolaCat the only way your DS would lose his PIP is if you wrote "DS is now fine" across every page. He should score 12 points for activity 7 on its own because he doesn't speak or write you messages. He will score 10 points for mobility because he doesn't leave the house.

I don't think it's realistic to self-fund the future. DD1's social care placement is going to cost over £1000 per week. You'd need a serious fund to cover life-long care if you were unable to provide the care.

@Lougle i agree with you. Life long support/care would need millions of pounds not hundreds of thousands.

I try not to think of the future.

There’s no way we could fund the support DSs receive now, yet alone what they will need in the future.

I'm with you @hibernatinghedgehog . The future is like the really messy room with stuff bursting out of it, that you lean your whole body weight against the door to shut.

DF is casting many seeds of doubt about DD1's placement. I wonder if he just doesn't think I've considered all the stuff he's worrying about. When I said that it was secure and she wouldn't be able to walk out on to the street, he gave a huge sigh of relief. I mean, do you think I'd let her somewhere that was open access??

DD2 managed a full day of college. When she got there, the TA had been taking notes in the lessons she missed so she wouldn't fall behind. She was really touched.

@Lougle I'm glad the TA made notes for DD2, and DD2's day went well. I hope that eases DD2’s worry about not being able to progress.

And the door of the room you dare not open for fear of triggering an avalanche and not being able to close the door again. While knowing your avoidance and burying your head in the sand isn’t good long term but it gets you through the now.

I liken it to having a box in my brain. I have several boxes I file away that I try not to open because I know opening will mean I find it hard to close again and keep the mask in place. ‘The future for DSs’ is one of those boxes.