The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

[roaringdragon]

Everyone is welcome, and the thread disappears after 90 days.

Thank you for the last thread @lougle. I hope the doctor was helpful and DD2 isn’t feeling too rubbish this morning.

DS1 has used the last of his EOTAS hours today. There will be at least a few weeks before the EHCP is finalised and funding restarts. He will hopefully have his operation during that time, but it is still going to feel like a long time without that provision.

@Fififizz I think part of the problem is your DC’s school is a product of their own success and reputation, and that brings its own issue. The school is more known about now that at times in the past. Costs of the support they provide have increased, which raises fees even as a not-for-profit placement. They have some pupils who are more complex that the profile they may have taken in the past and because they can be named even if they object there’s not much they can do about that.

Whilever LAs are allowed to run amok without serious repercussions, it will continue. It saves money in the short term. My LA has saved a significant amount of money by forcing us to appeal for DS1 this time. Even considering their legal expenses, they will save over £20k because of the gap in provision.

No-one knows exactly what will change or when with the SEND reforms, but proposals include weakening appeal rights. LAs know this and it is also filtering down to LA behaviour already. Parents also know this and are appealing in droves.

@Lougle do you ever feel like your family's personal chef?

@roaringdragon

Yes, you’re spot on. We discussed type of placement and you put me right. It’s not wholly independent and so they can be made or strongly persuaded to admit. Imo the cohort has changed with pupils who require specialist support but don’t fully fit the school’s given profile. It’s all very difficult and parents of SEN children do become desperate because of the shortage of specialist school placements.

Yes, familiar with forced appeals and tactical delays to save provision costs. Unfortunately the proposed reforms are likely to embolden this behaviour.

The gallstone diet would be the stuff of nightmares for DS though my DD is vegetarian as well and think it would be easy for her.

Have spent 3 hours deep cleaning got in DSs bathroom and did that including pulling out drier, cleaning it and all pipes/tiles etc, DS puts soil down there and ice cream wrappers etc and there was kitchen / utility floors / upstairs bathroom light cleaning as well. DS was a bit heavy door opening at first about me cleaning but then when he saw I had pulled the drier out he was much better. Think he then knew why it was taking so long and door was being opened very gently.

Well done @Violasilkie . It's good that DS can see that you're being helpful rather than disrupting his peace.

@roaringdragon I used to love cooking and in the last few years I've come to dread it a bit. What with DD1 and her eating disorder, then DD3's obsession with even numbers of things on her plate, eating finger foods with chopsticks, etc., DD2 and DD3 having sensory/texture/taste issues with the food each other can accept, DD3 adopting vegetarianism, and DD1 & DD2 needing to lose weight whilst DD3 needs to gain weight... It's not fun anymore.

@Fififizz you can see the school has some pupils who are more complex than the cohort they had in the past by the introduction of the new aspect of their provision.

@Lougle juggling the differing and competing needs of everyone is sucks all the joy out of cooking.

Would @Lougle using an AI tool like Claude or ChatGBT help with the menu planning with different dietery needs? I’ve found it useful for ideas for that sort of thing as I often have 3 or 4 different meals consumed here as everyone has different needs / tastes between gluten free, sensory & training needs & evening meals eaten between 5-10pm due to all our different schedules. I hope DD2 feels bit better with modified diet, I had my GB removed 10yrs ago I had to eat lower fat and no spicy foods mostly. I don’t drink any alcohol now either as it just caused me lots of stomach issues and I’m now gluten free which has really helped.

@roaringdragon

I haven’t followed it closely.

The new AP wasn’t widely mentioned in school and is located elsewhere.

Times being as they are everywhere is having to explore additional income streams but for us schooling hasn’t been the experience hoped it would be and I think this is for the reasons you alluded to.

@Lougle

I empathise with the cooking. Not dealing with as many people or requirements but DC has food aversions and it definitely makes it harder and somehow saps the pleasure out of cooking. It becomes less creative and satisfying and much more about logistics and functionality if that makes any sense?

@JumpersFluffy DD3 would have my guts for garters! She abhors AI (and I'm not a big fan myself, although I see that we're all being pushed into it by Google searches giving an AI summary before the search results).

I did consider learning Kotlin so that I could build my own app without an AI tool, but I don't have the time (or rather the time it would take would exceed the usefulness) and I have a cross-stitch project that is more appealing tonight!

We spent the day clearing the loft. It was a massive task but it's done ready for the insulation team on Wednesday. We have a surveyor and a contractor coming on Monday morning because when the cavity wall insulation was done they identified a DPC breach, so they are planning to dig a ditch away from the wall to reduce the rising damp, apparently. We've also got all the stuff from the outhouse under a gazebo because they want to come back and finish the cavity wall insulation. It's all a bit chaotic!

Well done on getting all that done @Lougle. Can the girls cook themselves at all? Though that could work for DD3 and veggie but specialist diets may be harder. I suspect DD1 would adopt DSs all the things you can't eat on a gallstone diet.

@Violasilkie DD3 is most able in that department but our kitchen is a tiny galley kitchen so it really doesn't work for people to be getting their own meals.

@Violasilkie

I don’t know if picky plates might be helpful? I did them for DC before they were a thing. Just chopped bits and bobs that were palatable and acceptable to DC that day/week/month! I stopped feeling guilty it wasn’t home cooked food.

I’m just trying to get to grips with the College info. The info for A level PE sets out expectations and the guidelines of 5 hours independent study per week. That’s going to be 15 hours in total 😬 I know they have free periods which going forward I will only ever call study periods but for an AuDHD profile where executive function is hugely difficult plus the distractions in a big, busy College environment I just feel…. 😱

They have a member of school staff in the setting but not in the classroom to give ‘support’ in unstructured time. I’m now off to load the College app and look at have a look at the weekly homework schedule. When I heard ‘I’m bored’ yesterday I mentioned the homework and was told ‘I don’t know where it is’. So much for me stepping back….! 🙈

I have seen every residential provision, DD1 has been in since age 10, take CYP, who are more complex and/or have behavioural problems outside their core specialism.

As the head of therapy at her first residential school said to me

Its all about bums on seats!”

They need as a minimum to break even; and that means taking the CYP, LAs find hardest to place.

All of the epilepsy provisions, she’s been in, decided to move towards taking CYP with ASD, rather than epilepsy. The three years DD1 was in FE college, all we heard about was the new building for students with autism…

Where DD1 lives now, they have decided to specialise in autism; and made one of the epilepsy specialist doctors redundant last year, so every resident could have a named nurse! That came to nothing.

All that expertise and opportunities for research will be lost and for what - to pass the extra costs back to the NHS!

We also have the galley kitchen here @Lougle after a huge kitchen at old house but only 3 of us here most of the time now and even when DD is back she tends to be out and about or on a different timetable so uses the kitchen at a different time when she does her own cooking. When DS does his own cooking it tends to be at a different time to us including things like 4am sausages which make the cat very jealous.

Thanks @Fififizz DS is good with a buffet type selection, prefers things separated, and I also always strategically placed bowls of fruit between DS and the TV / ipad which helped him love fruit as he was too lazy to move. One hotel buffet he ate a whole plate of raw brocolli which I never even knew he liked. Always eaten cooked but had never thought to give it raw. The crunch I guess.

Just getting a Waitrose food order mainly for DS - he loves their steak pie, chicken kievs and all their fruit and the ice cream obviously. I've got him some radish and organic carrots as well as he will snack on those but doesn't wash them. Also collecting the Topps Tiles order with the tiles for the laundry room though there's a surprising number of other things we need to be for tiling. I thought making a small laundry room could be done very cheapily but finally with the plumbing and electrics costs even with us doing everything else its not cheap but it already looks better.

@LathkillDale
Yes, sadly it’s all about budget and cost. Unfortunately even schools with an original Charitable purpose have to be run as businesses to survive. That brings an agenda other than education unfortunately.

@Violasilkie

My DC is the same! He will not eat rather than initiate the task involved in sourcing and cooking something. Snacking is rife. I think it’s a combination of executive function struggles but also some laziness too.

I struggle with navigating when to step in and when to step back. I also struggle with weaving anything for me into the mix. I’m constantly firefighting to keep it all from going pear shaped. I’m often just think I’m rubbish at life. In my 50’s and still struggle massively. Definitely worse since my hormones vanished too!

@Fififizz the AP is being used for some pupils on the roll of the school, not just external DC. I think that is because of the more complex profiles of some of the pupils at the school now.

Does DC have any study skills support or mentoring? DS2 is in MS and on top of the normal timetable everyone has, he has some extra 1:1 subject sessions with subject specialist LSAs as well as mentoring for organisation and study skills (and PfA but that’s not particularly relevant to my point). DS3 has EOTIS and doesn’t do academic work outside of his tutor sessions. He also has study skills sessions (and mentoring, but not for the academic side of things).

@Lougle I hope all the work goes smoothly. Considering learning about Kotlin made me smile. Disability and juggling competing needs drains any enjoyment,ent out of meal planning and mealtimes.

@roaringdragon

No, not as such. The outreach staff are supposed to support in non lesson time but not sure what that looks like. In school once a week for life skills and hopefully study support. Again not sure what that involves.

I had stuff written into the EHCP about guidance and check ins but it’s not really enforceable.

Unfortunately there’s a reluctance from LA/school to add in specificity and provision due to cost and even if it’s added in whether it’s any help is debatable. Back to the budget points!

SALT was in ours but at such a basic level it was utterly pointless and only lasted a term. Once you get therapy in the plan there seems to be an attrition process to remove on the grounds of fostering independence, timetable clashes/overloading therapy yada , yada, yada. Especially as DC appears more capable.

I’m just trying to plug gaps myself now as I can’t keep fighting when the target keeps moving. Or that’s how it feels. It’s exhausting for me though. Currently trying to load a saver railcard I bought and DC can’t remember passwords and arguing at me! Just a normal day here folks. Move along, nothing more to see!

Unfortunately, it often takes appealing to get an enforceable EHCP.

@roaringdragon

Yes, I’ve done that before but unfortunately now by the time you’ve had a hearing with SENDIST as it is it can all be too late. Hoping it all settles down. Also DC isn’t very amenable so you can provide the water but you can’t make him drink it!

@Fififizz Yes. I always read the CQC reports and employees’ reviews. Always buried in them somewhere is a comment along the lines of

”All they care about is money! Students/ residents are just numbers on a spreadsheet!

Even with the waits and knowing things might change during the appeal, I think it is still worth appealing.

@roaringdragon

I might after next AR. Possibly shouldn’t have withdrawn last appeal. DC will likely almost be at end of A levels by time there’s a hearing date, if College lasts. Unfortunately though whatever the EHCP says making sure it’s delivered and enforcement is the real issue. This requires other people to actually deliver what they’re being funded for. There’s the rub I find.

@LathkillDale

Yes, unfortunately they are/ have to be run as businesses.

There are ways and ways to run businesses!

@LathkillDale

Agreed, our experience has been a real eye opener. That panorama expose programme still haunts me.

@Fififizz Your description of college sounds very much like what I fear I’m going to be tackling next year if we can get through this one. My dd will definitely need ongoing study skills support as that’s the main thing I currently do scaffolding every hour and as she is at the moment she just won’t cope with the demands of college without big strides this year. My eldest completed her A levels last year at the same college so I have experience of what the demands are for a L3 course. I hope you can get some supervised study in place at the college & help supporting your DC as it’s a lot of self study required for ALs. Does he like App based learning? My eldest used uplearn and Quizlet to help pass her Biology as she was struggling and her college was really strict about kicking people off at year 1 if they were not getting D or about in mid course assessments & AS level - they lost 30% on some courses but they did offer them a restart on other L3 options.