The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

[roaringdragon]

Everyone is welcome, and the thread disappears after 90 days.

Thank you for the last thread @lougle. I hope the doctor was helpful and DD2 isn’t feeling too rubbish this morning.

DS1 has used the last of his EOTAS hours today. There will be at least a few weeks before the EHCP is finalised and funding restarts. He will hopefully have his operation during that time, but it is still going to feel like a long time without that provision.

@JumpersFluffy Glad you are recovering and great news about DD1s interviews.

@Zzzzzs Hope DS is OK

@Lougle Glad surgery is done and hope recovery goes well.

Plumber has now quoted and been booked for Thursday, still trying to get time from electricians but plumber needs to finish first anyway. Plumber should just be a day but asked electricians for a time next week as things tend to slip with trades and there's also lots of little power cuts we had.

DH has ordered a new tyre to replace the one he had to use as he didn't see edges of road in dark. Should have it on Wednesday. Got the waterbutt for the shed delivered today. I cleaned all the kitchen including inside dishwasher and cutlery draw and all the bathroom and laundry room and did some old paint stripping and DH has been working on getting wall level. DH is now out getting things from DIY store though wish he would not drive in dark or at least get his eyes tested but its like his ears he claims there's not much issue when there's clearly is.

DS ate all his Sunday roast and has been putting rubbish in the bin rather than in the downstairs bathroom.

Just to say I'm here, I'm not reading though I might read some rubbish elsewhere later, we had police and CID, my university friend is staying, DD is doing things, she wants her baby chicken back, I woke up next to him in his room, they told us his heart just stopped in a fit. I want to believe that. But I also want it to be my fault because it must be someone's fault.

I am so sorry @drspouse You did absolutely everything you could for your DS and were a wonderful Mum to him and hospital had done checks so even the specialist medics did what they could, I am so sorry it wasn't enough to save him. I am glad you have a friend staying with you. I hope the police / CID wasn't too stressful. I am glad your DD is still able to do things. Don't worry at all about the thread or anything else, just pop on or DM one of us and we'll do anything we can and will all be thinking of you.

@drspouse I'm glad you have company. It's completely normal to want it to be someone's fault. There is no explanation that will feel good enough right now and that's ok. Minute by minute.

@drspouse - it is not your fault. You have been the best mother and advocate in the world for DS. He was lucky to have you.

As pp have said, it’s natural to want to blame someone, including yourself. Mothers always blame themselves! You were in the room with him - you did your best to protect him. However, we cannot control everything. I believe you couldn’t have done any more.

I also don't believe you could have done more and I was completely shocked by your news - your son had been quite active and been just checked in hospital and appeared to be recovering and they returned him to home after their checks so they must have thought he was well enough to be home. Its also virus season so that explanation seemed plausible. I do think its normal to want to feel there is something that can be controlled/prevented but please don't think you are to blame in anyway, you did absolutely everything you could.

Drspouse this isn’t your fault. No amount of hearing this will change how you feel right now because it is normal to want someone to blame, someone to be responsible, but I promise you this isn’t your fault. No explanation will ease your pain.

It doesn’t make sense because there is no sense in it, drspouse. I have been thinking of you and ds and dd and dh all day. Of course you want it to be someone’s fault. Not yours though, never yours. We’ve all heard you trying for ds and dd for years and years. I hope you manage to get some sleep.

@drspouse we are all here. We have shared a lot of detail about our lives over the years. We know how relentlessly you have tried and succeeded to make life better for your children. The death of your son is so unexpected and shocking but was not and will never be your fault. DH and I continue to pray for you.

I wonder if I've just broken the record for the longest telephone WCA. Booked for 09.30, it took her 45 minutes to read the documents, then 2hrs 45 minutes on the phone.

That sounds exhausting @Lougle . Calls are always long here though. I find it difficult to see the value, but presumably they help someone 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unbelievable!

@drspouse I hope you managed to rest a little last night. I've been thinking of you a lot and fond memories of stories you have told about DS have been popping into my mind. I was always amazed at how much work you put in to make sure he could access clubs and could reach his potential. I hope your DD is being suitably distracted from all that must be happening, and that you're getting some quiet times to process everything.

It wasn't ideal to have an assessor trying to pin down details of traumatic experiences while DD1 was hovering and making 'food' signs. The whole thing felt much more intrusive than DD2's video WCA. It's done now, though.

The difference in “tone” between ds’s treatment and dd3s was and is uncomfortable. I pretend I don’t notice.

To be fair, I think that the assessor had decided that PTSD was the most significant condition of hers, vs ASD for DD2. So she really wanted to focus on what triggers panic attacks. But we've carefully sculpted her environment to avoid them.

Drspouse thinking of you and DS as I light a candle for DS this evening. Allow yourself to do whatever you need.

@Lougle that’s annoying. What a waste of time. It doesn’t take that long to know DD3 meets the criteria for LCWRA. I hope DD2’s recovery has started well.

@drspouse we are thinking of you.

@roaringdragon it was a bit frustrating. She spent the first hour going through the chronology from pre-school age about how she coped in different settings and in what year each phase of her mental ill-health emerged. It seemed excessively detailed.

Sorry the call was crazily long @Lougle Hope DD2 is recovering well.

Have plumber coming on Thursday and electrician following Tuesday to finish jacuzzi bath installation and also consumer unit needs further wiring work. We will waterproof tomorrow and collect spare tyre for car, then after it's tiling and doing floor but the floor isn't too much of an issue as it's already waterproof and we have a washable rug as a temp measure. Have levelled wall as much as we can today and cleaned bathroom, kitchen and entrance hall and laundry again.

DS was very unsettled last night, he was pacing around the garden at night just for a few minutes each time but he kept going in and out banging the doors as it was very windy. He also took everything off a shelf to leave it empty and recreated a "bin" in the downstairs bathroom cupboard. So I cleaned that and we emptied kitchen bin as that might be that issue. I put our things back on shelf though got rid of a few so if it's just space for an iPad he has that now. He's been calm all today and we got him hot chocolate and chocolate puddings and baked him some little cakes. I think he just wants bathroom finished which we all do but can only work at speed of plumber and electrician. Hopefully we will be able to do tiling after plumber. Then the bath would be useable after electricians on Tuesday. And just the flooring and a bit of final decoration to do like final coat of paint, changing toilet seat, and adding some shelving. Will need to get pip form off in-between unless we get an extension. Then shed in theory arrives Monday after and we need to take old one down before.

Still here, DD has gone to stay with a friend and her daughter (friend up local to us for half term, DD on half term, friend's DD is also adopted and is only 6 months older than DS but placed when a bit older so actually after our DS was placed).
DD very hyper so I hope she isn't in for a big crash soon.

@drspouse I'm glad you're still here with us. it's really good that DD has a friend to stay with. I'd imagine that any way she behaves is normal right now - people respond so differently, don't they? I expect she'll be quite erratic for a while.

@Violasilkie sorry DS was unsettled and glad to hear he's a bit more settled today.

DD3 decided to try to go for a walk but came back again. She's quite flat. DD1 has been finding the surgery situation quite difficult emotionally. I think she's fighting feelings of jealousy, but also frightened of it all. She thought that DD2 had a stoma and gave me the side-eye when I insisted it was just one of the areas they accessed her tummy by. DD2 is feeling grotty but doing ok.

Drspouse, Lougle speaks a lot of sense. There is no one way to be. Being hyper is how some react. It can be a rollercoaster for some. I’m glad your friend is around so DD can spend time with your friend’s DD.

@Lougle that all sounds tough. I hope DD2 starts to feel better soon. I think it is normal to feel out of sorts following the WCA.

@drspouse Glad your DD has got a friend to stay with.