The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

[roaringdragon]

Everyone is welcome, and the thread disappears after 90 days.

Thank you for the last thread @lougle. I hope the doctor was helpful and DD2 isn’t feeling too rubbish this morning.

DS1 has used the last of his EOTAS hours today. There will be at least a few weeks before the EHCP is finalised and funding restarts. He will hopefully have his operation during that time, but it is still going to feel like a long time without that provision.

@drspouse with a friend is a good choice for your dd. They will manage however she is. As a child my family filled days twice for bereaved families. Anything that helps in the early days. Let people help were it helps and send them away when it doesn’t. I have been thinking of you today.

@drspouse it is all an unknown and that must be a big worry on top of shock, devastation and grief. Having people that are helpful and kind is a good thing. We continue to pray for you and your family.

DD1's caseworker has written to me to say that she forgot to reply to my request for a personal budget for her. She wants me to put a list of requests together, with a costing table. I'm not sure what I should ask for because I don't know if DD1 would commit to anything, and I don't have any reports that say she needs specific activities/resources. At the same time, they're consulting with residential colleges for September 2027 (although I suspect by then she might have other provision), so presumably there should be enough in the budget to provide her with something, as they aren't paying for the colleges they thought they would be paying for now.

@Lougle I would look for a flexible budget that can be used for whatever activities DD1 would like to do that week. That way you are not stuck with something DD1 can’t or doesn’t want to access while waiting for agreement for the LA to agree to a change. In means you can respond to DD’s changing needs and keep the novelty. To cover things like the hydrotherapy, rebound therapy, horse riding, visits to the zoo/petting farm/aquarium, crafts for home, etc. On top of this I would ask for SALT and OT. If you think DD1 needs more CP input than the LD team can/are providing, that. If you would like staffing, I would go with asking a tutor with QTS and SEN experience. You have evidence a run of the mill PA (and TA/LSA along similar lines isn’t enough for DD). If DD would use some sensory equipment at home, I would look at that too.

At this point, I wouldn’t worry about not having evidence to support the request. You have nothing to lose by asking. Normally it can help to make a table. Needs from B and what needs need to be included in B even if they aren’t there now (it can help to break it down into the different areas of needs), provision from F or what provision needs to be included F even if it isn’t there now (and any provision that is not in F but is essential for the delivery of the provision in F), provider, cost (one-off/weekly/monthly/termly/yearly), outcome. If you will be requesting a PB, you can also add a column for how each part of the PB will be paid (DPs, third party arrangements, commissioned directly). However, DD’s situation is slightly different to many, so don’t worry if you can’t do this or aren’t sure about all the details.

@roaringdragon your post has made me realise that I'm in danger of settling for far less than DD1 deserves. I was thinking of a couple of magazines and maybe a session of rebound therapy.

@Lougle definitely don’t undersell yourself. If you start low, you have nowhere to go. I have to admit I stopped short of suggesting everything I would look at for fear of overwhelming you.

Just getting ready for plumber today - cleaned kitchen including all dishwasher, entrance hall and all downstairs bathroom, and sanded / primed and put aquadefense on the walls which will be tiled and also took out an old tile that had a chip off it, though that ended up at 5 tiles out as kept taking the next one out. They are only the white tiles and we have lots of them. DS kept room open for us to do work.

The plumber was supposed to start tomorrow morning but has said won't be then maybe the afternoon or Friday, any of those are fine as electrician isn't until Tuesday. Had a Chinese takeaway.

@Lougle I don't know if as well as the hydrotherapy your DD could do adapted kayaking as they seemed very good with her. Though not really the weather for it but by the time the LA has got round to providing cash it maybe.

@Violasilkie good to hear that DS is still tolerating the work.

@drspouse thinking and praying for you and your family as the night draws in.

I asked DD1’s care home, in view of government advice to store three days food, water, meds, etc, what their contingency plan is? Do they have back up generators, and what about food, water, meds and staffing? The answer was, they do have generators and the second question would be taken up with the executive team. I suspect in an emergency, all staff with children and elderly relatives would stay at home to look after them? Would this leave all the residents locked in the houses on their own?

Whenever we take DD1 back, we always leave her car full of petrol. So, we could drive up there in our own car, knowing we could drive her home in her car, without needing petrol stations, but I don’t know how we could get into her house? The bedrooms only have small opening windows, nobody could climb through them, and I don’t know what locks there are, on the other windows?

There doesn’t seem to be any government advice for care homes, as usual!

As I have this morning, drspouse

Yes drspouse also still think of you and praying for you.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers tonight Drspouse.

@Lougle one thing I would request is for year round provision. Or at the very least the ability to stretch term time provision over 52 weeks.

Thank you all. DD has been away with a friend (I imagine I'm repeating myself here) whose DD is also adopted, they go to the same farm cottages every year and this morning she was helping to wash a sheep for market! She is being very busy and not mentioning DS but when we do she chips in and she does say things like "I had this toy in my room so DS wouldn't take it".
There's more paperwork than we thought though nothing compared to my mum. We were planning to trace his birth family (birth dad, we know lots about birth mum) at some point so we have been able to organise a DNA test. I remember my mum who wasn't all that sympathetic in general, saying she knew the DCs birth grandparents would be so sad not to see them grow up.

Drspouse don’t worry about repeating yourself. Thinking straight can be like swimming in treacle. It is good DD has been keeping busy with your friend, her DD and the sheep. DD not mentioning DS can be normal. All part of siblings processing and responding in different ways. Some don’t talk. Some do later, some don’t at all, so DD may talk at some point. I’m glad you have managed to arrange a DNA test. I’m sorry you have all the hideous paperwork, especially when you have your mum’s estate to sort too.

drspouse I hope the last sentence in my pp didn’t come across as though I was comparing DS dying to your DM’s death, and I am ever so sorry if it did. Not the same. Nowhere near the same. And anyone who says it is, is an insensitive arsehole who has never had a child die. Elderly parents dying is the normal order of life. Your DS dying isn’t. It is all so very, very wrong. I meant having paperwork on top of paperwork is especially hard.

Oh I totally didn't take it that way. It's actually very very little and most other stuff is a lot simpler. I imagine the worst thing would be an 18 year old because obviously they are your baby but you have the adult stuff to do too.

I am glad your DD has been able to keep busy with her friend and washing sheep. I think it can be normal for children not to talk about a death especially early on. My Mum, who lost her only sibling, her older brother, in early childhood (bike accident) was like that and also kept very busy as a child with sports. It was her way of coping.

I don't know if your DD would maybe help make something like a picture board with all her Pritt sticks of your DS though please ignore if not helpful.

Plumber has now pushed back to Monday which is going to make next week super busy if shed is still running to timetable as we will need to have plumber, electrician, us doing tiling / cleaning after everyone including DS, garden/chickens, pip form off and taking the shed down. I just hope the plumber and electricians turn up and there's no extra issues - the electricians already have an extra issue which they said could take 2 hours or 2 days.

Its hard with the emergency planning @LathkillDale but I think you are right to ask them what their plans are so you can prepare as well. It is difficult though as its not clear what we are preparing for. We never have power cuts here for very long, a few hours at most so that's just keeping warm which we do anyway for us. Maybe its the threat of war but not sure extra tins is going to do much and I think some of the advice could lead to a lot more fires with people having more candles, matches and batteries esp when they are ones from Amazon. Having said that I ordered in some tinned fruit, custard, rice pudding candles and a lighter and long life milk. Not sure what I am now prepared for but the cat was most impressed with the candle lighter.

@drspouse it is the most awful loss you are suffering. Trying to catch breath after losing a parent and all the feelings that brings is hard enough. Washing a sheep for market sounds like a very good activity for DD to be distracted with. We are thinking about you.

@Violasilkie - as for war, a friend of ours worked in civil defence. He told us, the
assumption was Russia would nuke every major city in the UK. If people lived within 30 miles of London, they’d die from the radiation in a few days. The only people who’d survive were those, living in the Welsh mountains.

We guess some people might also survive in the Scottish Highlands and Islands?

So, we are not anticipating surviving a war; but we are thinking about a cyber attack on the internet, or maybe the electricity supply? I would prefer to have DD1 at home with us, because we are motivated to do our best for all three of us (and we have plenty of room for extra supplies), whereas the staff where she lives, would always put their own family first, if it comes down to survival.

I'm perhaps defeatist, but I wonder if it's worth worrying about? It will either be something that is survivable long-term, or it won't. Either way, a few days supply of evaporated milk isn't going to help.

Nukes won't happen. Assured mutual destruction. As soon as someone presses the button, everyone else will.

@Lougle I don’t think it is deafest. What will be, will be. We aren’t planning on doing anything much beyond what we ordinarily do because of DC’s additional needs. I think things like power cuts, flooding, etc. are more likely than war.