The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

[roaringdragon]

Everyone is welcome, and the thread disappears after 90 days.

Thank you for the last thread @lougle. I hope the doctor was helpful and DD2 isn’t feeling too rubbish this morning.

DS1 has used the last of his EOTAS hours today. There will be at least a few weeks before the EHCP is finalised and funding restarts. He will hopefully have his operation during that time, but it is still going to feel like a long time without that provision.

Hope you have a nice couple of days away @JumpersFluffy Spa was lovely thanks and discussed lots of plans with DH and came up with more ideas. Shed is ordered and will arrive end of October.

Is it a zero hours contract @Lougle or a normal one? The zero hours one you can normally just ask for as few shifts as you like and just try one if that helps. Sometimes trying a job for a day can be useful even if it just shows you how awful the job is.

The plumber turned up today, we had just phoned and left a message and weren't expecting a visit so not especially prepared but he lives close. He looked at the laundry room and said he can move washing machine and drier though said will be about £800 and also he raised an electrics issue of current socket being at worktop height. So this looks like its going to not be the cheap job I planned but DH still wants to go ahead. The trouble is the layout DH and the guy suggested you wouldn't be able to open the washing machine.😂So I am trying to work out a new solution but am not a plumbing expert but do know we need to be able to open both the washing machine and the drier and the direction doors open in. The plumber wanted them as close as possible to the drain which makes sense but is quite challenging but think I may have a solution. Need to get electrician round as well now but he comes at the speed of light and is pricey so want to make sure everything is ready first and we collect all electrics jobs. DH and I were talking yesterday and decided we may well add electrics and insulation to the summerhouse. I also thought yesterday how DS used to love jacuzzis and how he would love a jacuzzi bath. I'd have to clean it regularly though. He definitely is not a maid!

@Lougle NOTHING surprises me about accessing meds any more. It is always tedious a requires a level of scrutiny from me that makes me wonder how on earth those without a mum/family manage at all. Dd2 news made me cry. What a fabulous young person she is.

@roaringdragon you do give back so much. I feel a similar need to help though my skillset is less useful and more basic. There were nights long ago when the light from my phone with firm and gentle words were all there was. It still surprises me because I am not a sharer in RL and nor am I a chat room person. And yet here I am.

@PurringTiger abroad with books??? You superstar.

I’m feeling a bit worried about ds. He’s not himself at all. We were supposed to go to opticians today and I rescheduled because he’d been crying and upset and I realised I wasn’t sure he would manage at all. He can’t cope with any tension/bickering/being grumpy and it’s getting worse. He doesn’t understand that tv shows are “pretend” so now he is getting het up whenever any of them are unkind to each other or fall out. It can take hours to reassure him.

@Zzzzzs you offer bags of support. DD1 also can't cope with fictional TV. I spent hours repeating "he lays on the floor with the tomato sauce, now he gets to go and have a cup of tea and a sandwich", because my DPs watch Poirot, etc., when she's there. Now she says "It's just fake. They're just pretending to be shot." I'm not sure she quite believes it though! We couldn't even put animations on when she was young because she couldn't cope with the bassy music when there was mild threat.

@Violasilkie it is 0 hours but I don't think she's in the right place to take it on right now. School restarting will take a lot of emotional energy.

My two really like films, DD likes gory and DS will now just do a word search if the plot is boring him but DD love of films was tricky with a couple of her best friends (one has ASD) as they didn't cope with even "mild peril" as she couldn't understand why they didn't like what she liked.

@JumpersFluffy enjoy your few days away.

@Lougle I hope you sort the prescription. Imagine all that time you would gain if you never had to chase people to do what they are supposed to do.

@Zzzzzs don’t put yourself down. All support is useful. Parents supporting other parents, then those parents going on to give back and support others is MN at its finest, I think. If DS insists on watching programmes, would he choose from a carefully vetted pre-selected list? DS1 doesn’t understand fiction either. He can’t grasp the difference between reality and make-believe.

@Zzzzzs you offer bags of support. DD1 also can't cope with fictional TV. I spent hours repeating "he lays on the floor with the tomato sauce, now he gets to go and have a cup of tea and a sandwich", because my DPs watch Poirot, etc., when she's there.

I think he’s really just looking for something to hang his emotions on. It’s conflicting he can’t take. His level is muppets, scooby doo, Disney and primary school stuff really. The problem is many of those sort of shows have a falling out or a character that is unkind and he just can’t cope. His emotions are always high with too much empathy, but this is on a different scale.

Evening all. I’ve had a small win today. School have confirmed that it is their responsibility to provide tech support and the tech has been located and will be made available. I did tell them this and it’s in the EHCP but no matter. Hopefully it’s happening.

DC isn’t impressed with College. Early days though. The only positive mentioned was it closes for additional training days in October. Let’s hope it gets better as there’s currently no plan B.

You all give so much by being here. Just reading your posts makes me feel less alone in this bizarre SEN parenting world where nothing seems straightforward or works quite like it should.

I managed to send 7 e mails chasing up DC tech support before 8.30 am this morning. 🤦‍♀️

Well done @Fififizz . Squeaky wheels! What is your DS studying? I have to say that DD2's college is really doing their best so far.

@Fififizz I hope the tech support materialises and you don’t have to said more emails chasing it. Is there anything in particular DS isn’t impressed with at college or just in general?

@roaringdragon @Lougle

Thanks, so do I! Now chosen 3 A levels. Was going to do a Btech course originally.

DC wasn’t impressed with anything other than the inset days announcement tbh. The food’s rubbish. The timetabling is rubbish, with a double ‘free’ period today (study period is my view but I didn’t say it 🤐). They’ve been told 95% attendance is required to succeed and homework’s been set already x 3 subjects. It’s a massive change and a huge step up. Hopefully things will settle down but I currently feel a bit dazed. DC is very tired too as it’s more travel which isn’t ideal.

Glad to hear your College experience is positive Lougle. Hopefully ours improves.

I'm always a little in awe of DD2. She is so opaque in so many ways, but then she says something that gives me a glimpse of how alien the world is to her, and it helps me to see the massive efforts she puts in to every day life. Tonight's offering was "Is it bad that I'm really looking forward to not going to college tomorrow and doing generally nothing tomorrow?" My answer was "No, that's called 'resting'. I can guarantee you that 99% of people look forward to their day off." Her answer was "Oh ok." The poor girl thought she was wrong for looking forward to a day off.

DD3's Head Teacher has emailed with an updated timetable after I raised DD3's (many!) complaints about it at the end of last term. It's much better and he's really taken on board all of her feedback to create a timetable that will work. Although there are only 28 students, the 1:1/2:1 setting makes timetabling quite an ordeal, so I know he's had to do a lot of Tetris-style moves to get everything fixed in time for Monday.

DD1 is finding the 'back to school' season difficult because there's no plan for her. She shook her head yesterday and said 'I do worry about my future' <sigh>. The LA have said they'll ask her to be added to a waiting list for an in year place at a couple of settings, and the likelihood is a 2027 start. Tbh, I'm thinking it's unlikely that anywhere will want her, so resi social care may be better. She just can't have another failed placement adding to her sense of rejection.

She went to hydro today and had a good session. Today's physio was less bells and whistles game playing fun machine, and more focused on getting DD1's movements right in the water, but she enjoyed it and felt satisfied that she'd worked hard.

DD3 is back on her ADHD meds and it's helping. It took a lot to persuade her, but she's seeing the impact. I still can't get a meds review from CAMHS. I need to chase it and perhaps go down the formal complaint route. The shared care agreement states she will be reviewed every 6 months, and the first review was due in January. She needs either a dose change or drug change because she metabolises the Dex too quickly and then crashes.

@Lougle

Sounds like a lot of positives in there. I’m sorry DD 1 is finding things difficult. Keeping everything crossed that a suitable placement can be found and she can move forwards.

You just reminded me I need to do our ADHD meds review. I put it off as DC is so difficult about it and can’t be bothered so is very prickly. I keep explaining if we don’t play ball we’ll get booted out and no meds. Part of me is not keen on the idea of the meds but they seem to help focus. DC was late dx as a teen after CAMHS refused twice. Our LHA uses older assessment criteria unfortunately which doesn’t capture inattentive ADHD. The RTC did a online test thing (can’t remember the name). I was shocked at the fidgety behaviour whilst DC was doing it. The feet were literally doing a jig under the table throughout.

Hoping college is a bit better today. I sound awful but I’m so drained by everything I’m feeling a bit numb. I’m post menopausal and just find it difficult to care now, I’ve completely lost my energy and mojo somewhere along the way. I also have autoimmune stuff going on and am supposed to limit/manage my stress! 🤐

Sorry you are drained and numb with the SN stuff @Fififizz it really shouldn't be as hard as it is. I find distraction helps a bit but its an awful system (even working used to help).

We just managed to fix the kitchen lights ourselves and have removed the old lino, put filler down and cleaned the floor and cleaned the kitchen. Have arranged for electrician to come to quote on Monday. Also told DS about our plans and he seemed fine though didn't seem to like when I said we would paint the shed next spring. Not sure why but he went outside then but had been fine about being told about moving the washing machine and drier to make more room in his bathroom, the neighbours tree having pruning from our garden, the new shed arriving, the electrician and the plumber. Maybe his thought I meant he couldn't use the shed until spring though he quickly returned.

Sorry about your DS @Zzzzzs hope he feels better soon.

@Fififizz How did college go today? I have 2 DSs starting A levels. DS2 is in MS. The sixth form of the school he has attended for Y7-11. He is starting PE, geography and biology. DS3 has EOTIS and is starting maths, chemistry and history. History is a bit of a special interest of his but I think he will struggle with the language and essay demands of A level.

@Lougle I’m glad DD3 is happier with her timetable and hydrotherapy went well. Do you think DD1 would enjoy horse riding or rebound therapy as well? Lots who find hydrotherapy beneficial find one or both helpful too.

DS1 was dysregulated this afternoon and went to bite my arm. As I have pulled my arm away so he couldn’t bite me, I caught my hand on the car door and have cut it.

Lots of progress @Violasilkie !

@Fififizz how was college today?

We're back in A&E. The ANP saw DD2 this evening and wasn't happy with her.

@roaringdragon sorry about your hand. Is it serious? DS1 has timing down to a fine art, doesn't he?

I think she might, @roaringdragon . I don't know whether I could get that into her EHCP without any evidence though.

I'm tired.

Sorry you are back in hospital @Lougle hope its not too long a wait to be seen. Not the greatest way to be spending your Friday night again.

Sorry about your hand @roaringdragon

@Violasilkie

Thanks for your empathy. It helps me feel less alone. I agree with distraction. Unfortunately my self support/survival system, which is pretty minimal anyway, fell apart over the long summer hols, especially with the post GCSE extra bit. I need structure, routine, peace and quiet, sleep, and alone time to regulate. As well as the menopause I strongly suspect I’m ND as well. DC and my regulation systems are polar opposite. I find my nervous system constantly on high alert now. Plus we have an RSD/PDA dynamic going on too. When I had hormones I seemed to cope much better. I tried HRT a few times but I got fed up of trying patches, gel, spray etc and never feeling great.

It sounds as though you currently have a lot on your plate distraction wise. I hope the renovations go smoothly and there’s not too much upheaval. I hope your DS is okay with the changes. My DC can be similar about change and can seemingly agree to things but actually be slower to process the true meaning.

Sorry things were difficult over the summer @Fififizz I also need alone time though I get enough of that. My nervous system is always on high alert, it has been all my life, but increased past few years. Can't take HRT as had breast cancer in 2022 and have 10 years of meds which reduce the hormones further. So have to find other methods but have a lovely supportive husband which helps and my DD is at university now so its one down, one to go. I find exercise helps a lot - swimming, walking around gardens, gardening and it also reduces the risk of cancer coming back by 30% to 50% if I exercise at least 3 to 5 hours a week. I find keeping busy helps. My DS is 19 but completely out of education since 2022 when he went into hospital with catatonia and he's non verbal and non writing since then. Its sad watching everyone overtake him but he does not seem to care much and seems to just want to be home. So I work on making the house and garden as nice as I can for him - he loves flowers very much and he loves scented bath foams and doing his long hair. His sister lives life at 100mph and is the opposite - at Oxford Uni, President of her rowing club, about to lead a trip to China for a rowing competition 2 week tour, rowing every day.

Oh no @Lougle. Not where you want to be again on a Friday night. I hope the wait isn’t hideous. I’m not surprised you are tired.

I think there are a few options you could try. One being asking the supportive psychologist if she would provide evidence based on DD1’s MH & LD rather than her physical needs. Another being asking the most supportive GP in the practice if they would be willing. Another being a private physio or OT assessment to get the evidence. Another being paying for a couple of sessions of rebound or horse-riding, then asking them if they would provide evidence. Or you have nothing to lose by asking, even without any evidence - much cheaper than a residential college.

The cut is quite deep. I have cleaned it and dressed it. I am hoping that is sufficient.

@Fififizz if you suspect ADHD, have you thought about an assessment for you? There’s a growing number of women who find ADHD meds helpful when they didn’t find HRT useful. I tried HRT but gave up trying to find something that helped.

Oh @Lougle you must be shattered. I hope they see you soon.

@roaringdragon that sounds sore. The damage can be so tiring, it might heal better than a bite (small comfort I realise). Hands do have so many nerves so are painful. Is everyone well enough for you to switch off and go to bed?

Ds has perked up a bit but I am feeling faint on and off again. I think it’s a cold not anything ghastly but it’s very difficult.

I have a new plan to make a book of outings and weekend breaks or mini holidays for ds to read, so he can choose the things he’d like to do. So far I’ve thought of centre parcs, legoland, local attractions and beaches, some of his favourite bike rides, a motorhome, barge, cruise, Spain Greece Turkey Tenerife for pool hotel, skiiing? Tell me anything fun you’ve tried for one or two nights (or 5 if a bit further), we won’t do them all (or even very many) but I think he will enjoy looking at it. Maybe a train trip?

@roaringdragon

I’m so sorry about your hand. Glad you managed to clean it and keeping everything crossed that it doesn’t need anything more to help it heal.

We have bouts of dysregulated behaviour too but it’s more verbal and being prickly, difficult and needling. It’s all aimed at me and is partly RSD, a bit like a kind of PDA and crossed with the ‘coke bottle’ effect because I’m the ‘safe person’ but boy does it suck at times. It’s really negativity impacted my relationship with DC and myself.

I think College was tentatively ok today thanks. At least DC went back but is completely shattered now and quite subdued tonight but at least bit more amenable because of it!

Said they felt ‘off’ but has eaten dinner.

School said today seemed to go ok but they acknowledged DC is a king of masking. It’s hard to know tbh. The travelling is already a lot more and the environment, expectations etc are all a massively huge step up. I think the next few weeks will be more telling.

I can’t face putting myself through an ADHD assessment. Doing it for DC and managing their meds is enough. I also wouldn’t take meds anyway and I’m not sure adult dx leads to anything else support wise. I think if anything I’m likely AuDHD as I have ASC traits and since menopause hit my energy and ability to keep multiple things on track has disappeared except than in an emergency. Or my symptoms could be down to my autoimmune issues and ailing thyroid. HRT was a disaster for me and has generally put me off meddling. I tried lots of forms and felt like I was chasing an illusive dragon. Diet and exercise and sleep help, when I can put them in place and maintain them. I’m okay for a bit them some new form of 💩 hits the fan and I unravel again.

I’m not one for over sharing personal info but it’s very cathartic actually acknowledging all this stuff.

I do hope your hand soon feels better.

@Zzzzzs Other short trips my DS enjoyed included taking the helicopter from Penzance to Isles of Scilly and small plane back and going to Tresco and seeing the red squirrels garden / sea / canoeing / boat trips. Also Lundy boat trip, swim with seals - he just watched and walk round island which has lots of wild animals / small cliffs / lighthouse etc so doesn't feel like just a walk. He loved Lapland with the snow, husky rides, reindeer etc though think the prices have gone up a lot and we stayed in hotel with pool with jacuzzis he loved. Isle of Skye is good for exploring in better weather. DS used to love Bath as well and we used to go there around Christmas time and there's glow in dark mini golf, trampoline place in Bristol, ice skating, hot chocolates. He used to love Premier Inns with the massive buffet breakfast. Loved aeroplanes, not too bothered about trains. Rock climbing. He tried skiing but preferred cable cars and hot chocolate but loved the snow. Used to like things like feed the penguins at zoo in Cotswold. We never went but he used to love Crystal Maze and I think that exists. Loved white water rafting and ziplines.