The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

[roaringdragon]

Everyone is welcome, and the thread disappears after 90 days.

Thank you for the last thread @lougle. I hope the doctor was helpful and DD2 isn’t feeling too rubbish this morning.

DS1 has used the last of his EOTAS hours today. There will be at least a few weeks before the EHCP is finalised and funding restarts. He will hopefully have his operation during that time, but it is still going to feel like a long time without that provision.

lougle That is such a great start for DD2.

PurringTiger enjoy your well deserved break. Your Dd has made so much progress.

roaringdragon good to hear about the ball pit fun. Has DS1's pain eased now.

Fififizz welcome. It is all very overwhelming and so precarious that it is easy for some small thing to knock everything else out.
I have now adult DS and DD both with several diagnoses.

I think I know the one you mean - it's on our list to look at.

@drspouse the level 1 courses don't generally need any qualifications. Most of the young people on DD2's course will be doing Maths/English GCSEs. DD2 declined. They tried to tell her that although functional skills is technically equivalent, in practice nobody accepts them. I quietly sat with my phone and waited, then turned the screen around and said "X university is fine with them". They sucked their teeth and said "We still like them to do GCSEs."

The level 1 Animal Care can be used as a stepping stone to level 2 (80% attendance and merit grade). Then the 2 is a stepping stone to the T level. Some colleges won't allow the T level without the GCSEs/FS2 but I heard the girl next to us say she had failed and thought it meant she had to do the level 2 but they said she could do the level 3 as long as she did resists.

If a yp gets a grade 3 GCSE, they have to resit GCSEs, though, because of the funding. They can't sit Functional Skills. Although I guess they could do it as an external candidate.

DD2 noticed that her timetable said English and Maths introduction today, but she didn't sign up for it, so we'll ask tomorrow.

It depends on the college and course as to whether level 1 courses need qualifications. For example, although the level 1 animal case course at the college near you @drspouse doesn’t, the level 1 land-based studies course needs GCSE level qualifications. IIRC it was 3 GCSEs at 1+ and E&M at 2+. And the animal care level 2 needs E&M GCSE 4+ or equivalent even if you have level 1 animal care.

@Lougle it is possible for FS to written into the EHCP even if you get a 3 if continuing to do GCSE isn’t appropriate.

Good to know @roaringdragon . To be fair, the ALS lady did say they could exempt people from E&M if there was an EHCP.

DD3 has withdrawn her application for the job she was offered. They didn't arrange the training when they said they would, didn't tell her it wasn't going ahead until she contacted them (trainer unwell), and then haven't contacted her to say when it will be. She starts school again on Monday, and the training was a whole day session. Plus her OCD has ramped up a bit so I think she needs less pressure, not more.

lougle that sounds like a sensible decision and possibly not the best company to work for anyway.

@Lougle DD3 is probably best out of there if they are like that now and DD3 hasn’t even started. Applying for and getting the job in the first place was a huge step.

@NoHaudinMaWheest DS1’s pain has improved, thanks. We have finished the fluids and last antibiotics are tomorrow.

Yes, knowing your value and how to be assertive are also vital skills. I don't want her to get the impression that she has to accept poor treatment because they've offered to pay her.

@roaringdragon good to hear that DS1 is on the mend.

Welcome @Fififizz

Enjoy your break abroad @PurringTiger

DD3 did so well to apply and get a job @Lougle but not sure it was the right one for her but good experience to get that far anyway.

Have just been on a spa day with DH for his 60th which was lovely. DH left a note for DS as we left early to say we were going out and said we loved him and left food and drink for him. We came back and I put something in kitchen bin and saw DS had put an empty Ben and Jerrys ice cream tub in there, so at least he binned his rubbish correctly.

DD1 did foundation GCSEs in English, maths and ICT. She started an animal care course at the local FE college, while she was in the 6th form at a specialist speech and language school. There was some problem with the college about her doing the course, and the school told us, they were prepared to argue disability discrimination on DD1’s behalf. Anyway, they must have sorted it out, because she did start.

However, that was quite a time ago, so things may well have changed since then.

Thanks for the welcome everyone.

I’m reading your posts and this place feels like home. It’s exhausting trying to explain to people who haven’t been here and doing this.

DC did amazingly well in his GCSE’s but with a huge amount of support and scaffolding from me with external tutoring, pushing for exam access arrangements, tech support, though the specialist school gets a very significant amount in fees from the LA. DC now started a hybrid arrangement at College with school holding EHCP and back to arguing about tech support again for College as the I pad and stylus DC finally got in school, after much pushing from me are expensive to provide! Trying to hold the system to account is an ongoing issue. The LA aren’t helpful as they refused to specify tech in the plan ‘we don’t do that, it’s between school and College’. Then there’s Post 16 transport. Having an EHCP has been constant hard work. It is far from a golden ticket some believe and despite the significant funding by LA in school fees everything is made so very, very, difficult.

DS has to do work experience (and we want him to) in Feb but all attempts to talk about it have him telling us "what I do for a job is up to future me". We suggested the only animal related one school offer but it's dog grooming and he only likes some dogs. Attempts to explain that you practice now and get a job using things you've practiced fall on deaf ears.
We suspect he's too bouncy and forgetful to do work experience at the local animal shelter or the vet etc, anyway. We don't know any farmers! I tried to get in touch with Young Farmers when Scouts wasn't working and they don't reply to emails (I suspect you join by turning up with your mates from school or your older siblings).

@Fififizz I hate the unreasonable, demanding, sharp-elbowed parent wanting a golden ticket rhetoric. It is just not true. Some parts of society are all to quick to use the media spin as a stick to beat parents of disabled children with.

@LathkillDale things have definitely changed because there isn’t an ICT GCSE anymore and English Language isn’t tiered now.

“what I do for a job is up to future me"

@drspouse if DS would prefer a farm, could you/he get in touch with some local farms. You don’t have to already know them.

@roaringdragon

Couldn’t agree with you more. It was a huge fight to get an EHCP and trying to get it adhered to has been a constant source of stress and struggle ever since. It’s just gone 9am and I’ve been up firing off e mails since 6.30am. Yes we only formally enrolled yesterday but this was all discussed at the previous AR and tech support was mentioned then. Apparently it could now take some time to put in place. Makes me so angry that LA wouldn’t specify it and I was in appeal over it but hearing wasn’t until Nov so a bit late. School gets hugely significant sums of money as funding too so we all know what’s going on. 😡

@Fififizz my LA only include tech, assistive tech and training to use it because we appealed.

I have 3 teen DSs with EHCPs. It is exhausting and never-ending. For education alone it has taken 15 successful pre-action letters, three pre-action letters that weren’t successful but conceded before any actual final hearing, numerous threats of JR, 8 successful appeals, 2 upheld DD claims, several LGO complaints upheld, many other formal complaints upheld and settled before the need to go to the LGO, and 1 small claims settlement. That is just the education side of things. You can add in more for the social care and ICB side of things.

Also, very sad news from school, one of the boys in his class has died (he was terminal last term). But being DS school he wasn't a favourite and DS comment was "now he can't hurt me any more".

@roaringdragon
OMG, how do you keep going roaring and be such a support and help on here as well? I only have one DC and it’s all consuming between running the house and doing FT unpaid advocate work for DC. I feel I literally have no life of my own, every time I carve out anything for me something else goes pear shaped and I’m back on it. Over the summer hols I managed to get to the gym. That’s on the back burner now due to current transport issues etc. And never mind the education side I worry about independence and self care skills. The AuDHD, RSD and general attitude and prickliness mean I’m continuing juggling all those balls too.

@drspouse
That’s heartbreaking on so many different levels. ❤️‍🩹

@drspouse devastating news. My thoughts are with the boy’s loved ones and friends.

@Fififizz during a truly horrendous time many years ago I received support from MN’ers I could never repay. It feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago all rolled into one. It wasn’t EHCP related, but now I am able to, I like to give back. I am also passionate about all DC receiving the support they need. DC’s parents who know the law and how to enforce their DC’s rights get better support. It shouldn’t be the case. Sadly, it isn’t going to change in the foreseeable future so all parents should be supported to advocate for their DC. We manage because we receive a lot of support. That and I have little time for me.

Just popping on to hold space as having a last minute couple of days away before the education treadmill ramps up. I did get DD2 to do a small amount of online maths this morning to refresh as she’s taking two exams in the Nov sitting if the anxiety can be managed. The last couple of years we’ve had a few days away in the same place before education kicks in again and it’s strangely helped the transition back in again rather than her sitting at home getting more and more anxious about the restart.
DD19 is going on her first solo holiday with a friend at the weekend to a Spanish island. So I’m trying to be chilled about it whilst thinking arrjjjjhh inside. She’s very responsible independent young lady but I worry about the kind of men they may meet & being spiked by drugs despite not really being a drinker at all as she trains so hard in her sport. DD2 had a giggle over the tiny bikini being packed. But she has picked a family resort with lots of sports not a night clubbing area which also made me smile.

I was going to reply to a few but I’m still at the struggling to keep the new user names straight in my head.

Glad @Lougle that college has gone ok this week. We’ve not back till next week here.

@roaringdragon good to hear DS1 is feeling bit better with the fluids & antibiotics.

welcome @Fififizz i too have a 15yr with a EOTAS package but whom we are going to attempt next year for post16 a ms college if we can get support in place.

@PurringTiger hope you enjoy the break away with no post trip repercussions.

@Violasilkie hope the shed plans are progressing & spa went ok.

@drspouse is DS into outdoor gardening things at all like volunteering with a local wildlife trust as “work experience” or a parkrun volunteer if setting up full work experience is challenging? Also several options available online now as they were set up during covid.

@drspouse that's incredibly sad about the boy who died. Especially in a special school, people not only lose their child but the support network that has framed their lives.

Re. Work experience, I phoned every farm in the area until I finally found one who would consider it.

DD3 got a reply from the care agency to say that they can offer weekend training but she's responded to say that I've asked her to prioritise her studies.

DD2 has finished her first week of college. They've confirmed that she doesn't have to do English or maths.

Where DD1 lives now, she can do work experience - on the farm, in the shop or cafe, the dog grooming parlour, the gardening company, the print shop….

Unfortunately, imo because she speaks in sentences, people assume her comprehension is fine and it’s not! She complains they bombard her with language and she can’t cope! She gives up.

She does put the bins out for her house, and she’s supposed to do her own laundry and clean her bedroom, but as she’s said to me

”I am not a maid!”

I'm so bored of people not doing their jobs. The psychiatrist mucked up the prescription again. Luckily, it's salvageable so the pharmacist could annotate it and issue the drugs.

The GP surgery have also issued a drug for DD1 that I can't give until she's weaned off another drug and they've given no weaning schedule. They're closed today for training, but bizarrely my favourite GP was outside, covered in mud, dealing with planters. He says he's duty GP tomorrow so if I do a rapid health in the morning, he'll sort it.