Hello,
I've posted here rather than on chat or aibu as I'm sure I'd get my arse handed to me in those topics!
I'm 52, my partner is 54 and we have 2 teenagers in school and 6th form respectively
We do have a good relationship when he finishes work.
I used to work- over a decade ago- I had to give up due to peri-meno/stress. I've since had ovaries removed but it hasn't been a breeze. My partner has never made me feel bad about not working even though we could do with the money I used to earn.
I did buy a house in my 20s- before I met my partner- which massively helped us on to the housing ladder- my partner always rented- so I do feel that at least I contributed there.
But that's the thing- I guess I feel quite defensive about not working and need to point out what I have done!
I think I need to work for my poor mental health but don't feel like I can be reliable as a worker.
Anyway, I've upped my game domestically and do feel a sense of achievement with home-cooked meals, tidy(ish!) house and keeping on top of kids' lives/responsibilities/washing.
So, the rub is that partner works from home- has done since COVID and I absolutely cannot bear it!! It really is making me miserable and I feel utterly trapped in my own home.
First he's incredibly messy- I don't mind all the household chores- that's only fair but he adds unnecessarily eg unthinkingly opening parcels and chucking packaging on the floor.
The other HUGE issue is that I cannot bear being in the areas where I can hear his relentless zoom meetings which means kitchen/laundry room etc- all the things I need to do.
My particular gripe is that I can't stand his work persona much of the time! he's often slagging people off to other colleagues and this really surprised me when I first heard him do it as I thought he was more professional.
We all have gripes from time to time but he's way too much and I find it unedifying from a middle aged man
To be honest It gives me the ick (as young people say) and really bothers me.
He's always taken himself very seriously at work- all his family are like that- and I guess, bit by bit, I've started to realise that maybe he isn't as impressive as he thinks which is fine- he's probably just perceived as being fine but with some quirks and foibles rather than the person holding the company together!!
He does have a sense of humour and is capable of self-deprecation and I really like it when he does it about his work and status but it doesn't happen often!!
His family talk about their jobs a lot, always have, and they do tend to slag off other people/say how useless they are/tell stories wherein they're the hero- so it's obvious where this all comes from.
I don't care two hoots about his status- it's the David Brent-like persona that I don't care for!
What I will say is that he and his family don't actually have massive egos, they are quite insular people who just take themselves super seriously- I think they genuinely believe they are completely crucial in the work place.
Right that's off my chest- looks daft written down but by god it's making me miserable
as I say, the minute he finishes work and we chat, it's ok, a calm descends upon me.
I know I should get out of the house more/work myself but I do resent that I can't get any peace in my own home. Plus, I wouldn't mind the option of working from home myself but obvs wouldnt get peace or tidiness! Not to mention that if I were to go out to work I know the house would be somewhat messy to resturn to.
He does try in that area but I have to keep at him and sometimes he accuses me of nagging but it's the relentlessness of picking up towels, recycling stuff he can't be arsed to do that drives me bananas.
I don't want this to go beyond the point of no return- I don't want to feel put off him but I'm worried we're heading there.
thanks if you've read all this.