Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The people I have invited to my wedding all said yes when I asked them and now its getting nearer loads of them aren't coming

100 replies

Muddypuddle · 01/07/2009 10:51

Its quite a way to travel because we're doing it where we grew up rather than where we live. I invited 70 people who all said yes, but its in 2 months time and suddenly everyone is pulling out and we only have 34 people coming now. Should I cancel it? I'm not looking forward to it now and its making me cry all the time.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 01/07/2009 10:56

How rude! Are they giving good reasons?

SlartyBartFast · 01/07/2009 10:59

the people that come will be the people you want to come it will be fine. don't cancel it.

beanieb · 01/07/2009 11:00

At the end of the day you can't force people to come to a wedding IMO. If they really want to then they will but it's up to people if they want to say no and they don't really have to give a reason - do they?

However I can understand it's a pain if they verbally said they would and then sent back RSVPs saying no. At least you know they aren't coming and you can ajust the catering etc accordingly now that the RSVPs have come back.

Original poster
Muddypuddle · 01/07/2009 11:02

its a 200 mile drive and they need accomodation - they're all saying the same thing : that as its in a tourist resort and its the August bank holiday they are having trouble finding suitable accomodation. I've tried to help but the problem seems to be that they hadn't thought about how much it would cost and the fact that most hotels want a 3 night stay over a bank holiday.

I've really messed up I now realise, making them drive there rather than our families drive here. Should I rearange everything to do it here? or is that just desperate and needy. I suddenly feel like I have acquiantances rather than friends.

OP posts:
Bramshott · 01/07/2009 11:02

You will have 34 lovely people who really want to be there and you'll have a great day! Don't cancel it!

SlartyBartFast · 01/07/2009 11:04

if you really want to see these people, arrange a party at a later date

SlartyBartFast · 01/07/2009 11:05

or do you now of any local b & b's that won;t charge a fortune, make them stay longer than necessary?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 01/07/2009 11:06

You can't cancel a wedding because some people aren't coming.

We have had to decline an invite as the journey is long but the problem is we can't afford to stay over the 2 nights we would need too.

Go ahead with your wedding and enjoy it.

FlorenceandtheWashingMachine · 01/07/2009 11:07

The same happened with me (many, many moons ago!). I think that people suddenly get round to looking at the map and realise just what a commitment they've 'made'. If you were getting married in a Tuscan vineyard they would somehow find the time, the swines.

Don't cancel. They day is about you and your DP. I had a fabulous time with those who DID make the effort.

Original poster
Muddypuddle · 01/07/2009 11:08

slarty : thats what they have said - they want to organise it for me in fact, but that wasn't really the day I had planned. I feel like they got together and decided not to come to my wedding - its my five local friends, thier husbands and children who aren't coming - I feel like they all sat down and decided I wasnt worth all the hassle. These people are supposed to be my mates.

OP posts:
TrillianAstrahasaJOB · 01/07/2009 11:08

Of course don't cancel it! You can have a party with these people at the place where you live at a later date. Maybe you should have considered the implications of it being a bank holiday weekend, but they should have been looking into it too before they said yes.

On the plus side think of the money you'll save not having to pay for meals for all those people! That'll more than cover a wedding celebration party back at home after the honeymoon (and you can wear your dress agin!).

HuffwardlyRudge · 01/07/2009 11:08

Well if they are struggling to find (presumably not cheap) 3 day accomodation in a holiday location over a bank holiday I'm not surprised many of them can't come! It's not an excuse, it's a genuine reason.

I would never expect 70 people to afford 3 nights in a hotel on my behalf. It's a bit Bridezilla. Sorry.

You have two options: Either enjoy the wedding with the 34 people who are coming, and don't resent that most people couldn't make it, or relocate the wedding closer to home if you have your heart set on the big bash.

SlartyBartFast · 01/07/2009 11:10

you will have two celebrations muddy, it will be fine and you will be less stressed for the second celebration which your friends ahve organised.

morningpaper · 01/07/2009 11:12

Yes I agree with these other posts - say you totally understand, credit crunch etc. and plan for a smaller do and a big party at home when you come back from honeymoon.

Far better to have 30 people who are happy and enjoying the day than 70 people who are resenting the cost and there through obligation.

Original poster
Muddypuddle · 01/07/2009 11:12

Huff - I realise that. As I say I've messed up, but when I started planning this I asked them at the time if they would still come and they said yes. Its only now that they've pulled out - for months they've been saying they'll come.

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 01/07/2009 11:13

oh dear, understandably upsetting

FlorenceandtheWashingMachine · 01/07/2009 11:14

Sorry, cross posts - at least they have a valid reason. I don't think that you should take this too personally.

Everyone has different levels of commitment to weddings. If a close relative got married I would feel that I would have to pay whatever it cost to be there, but with friends I might feel less obliged unless I had an official role. Perhaps you could make them all bridesmaids?

I think that organising a post-honeymoon party where you live would be a good solution, but make them pay for their own drinks to punish them for being disorganised!

morningpaper · 01/07/2009 11:14

For your NEXT wedding you need to take over a few hotels completely and pay for everyone

In the meantime, just plan for a smaller do

BarbaraWoodlouse · 01/07/2009 11:14

I'm sorry that you're upset but I have to agree with some of the other posters. A verbal acceptance to drive 200 miles is different to suddenly realising that you can't get accommodation there -at least not for less than 3 nights.

I don't think they've "got together and decided you weren't worth the hassle". I think they've realised that they can't practically do it and have tried to come up with a lovely alternative.

I'd go ahead with the wedding - can you even cancel anyway at this short notice? - you'll have a lovely day AND another party to look forward to at a later date.

FAQinglovely · 01/07/2009 11:14

Huff - 2 weeks before DH's cousins wedding recently we said we'd be there. Unfortunately we couldn't make it as we realised that we couldn't afford to get then when it had previously looked we would have done.

CMOTdibbler · 01/07/2009 11:15

I have to say that if someone said to me 'we'll be getting married August bank holiday weekend, will you come' I'd instantly say yes, and not look at hotel prices / conditions at the time.

If I then realised I'd need to spend 3 nights there, and presumably spend quite a bit, perhaps meaning that as a family we wouldn't be able to have a holiday etc, I would cancel. Plus of course the problem of the children in the evening etc when not local.

And I expect that rather than getting together to decide not to come, they phoned each other to see if anyone could find somewhere that was cheaper to stay, and when they realised they couldn't came up with the party plan

Original poster
Muddypuddle · 01/07/2009 11:15

I'm embarrassed more than anything - it looks like noone likes me. In fact Im seriously wondering if they do. How am I going to explain to my family that noone wanted to come? ugh.

Its all my own stupid fault.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 01/07/2009 11:16

When you are in the thick of planning your wedding these things happen.....belive me in the future you'll be on the other side, there will be a reason eg no children invited, no partners, abroad.......you must not take it personally. Have another party with them. after all you'll miss all the planning and excitment when the day is over

SlartyBartFast · 01/07/2009 11:16

no, you will hold your head up high and say you are having a friends party later,

TrillianAstrahasaJOB · 01/07/2009 11:18

How to explain to your family:

Tell your family that you are having the wedding near them because 'weddings are about families' but since they live in a tourist trap you're also having another party later on to celebrate with the friends who can't make it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread