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Original poster

The people I have invited to my wedding all said yes when I asked them and now its getting nearer loads of them aren't coming

100 replies

Muddypuddle · 01/07/2009 10:51

Its quite a way to travel because we're doing it where we grew up rather than where we live. I invited 70 people who all said yes, but its in 2 months time and suddenly everyone is pulling out and we only have 34 people coming now. Should I cancel it? I'm not looking forward to it now and its making me cry all the time.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 01/07/2009 21:05

No most guests we have phoning for rooms want to come down and arrive about 11am (which means that we can't let the room on Friday) and go on Sunday.

Around here it really is only the crappiest B&B's that will do a one night stay as they are probably the last one anyone calls.

shhhh · 01/07/2009 21:29

Don't cancel. IMO the ones that are there are the ones that matter.

They have know when the wedding is for a while so have known about booking accomodation etc. This pettiness annoys me about weddings...

We were guests at a wedding at the wkd, not local and dh is friends with the groom. It was me who suggested us staying the night before so it wasn't a rush with the dk's (2&4) and in fact once there it was me who suggested us staying the night of the wedding (I have arranged way before the wedding to see take that so were all going and coming away after the wedding breakfast).
In fact dh & the dk's stayed and I drove back after the concert.A 2 hour round trip BUT I wanted to do it as I knew what its like to be a bride.

BTW,I wasn't ahy better thought of by the bride BUT I was glad I did it as at least dh stayed which was the main bit iykwim.

Think, what im trying to say is: if they are true friends they will do their upmost to get there.

I wouldn't arrnage another do after and I wouldn't try and rearrange locally. Their issue if they miss out. Their loss at seeing you as a gorgeous bride..

Have a lovely day and believe me, on the day you won't give a damn about them not being there.
Remember the reason you are getting married...to show your commitement to your df not your friends

saggyhairyarse · 01/07/2009 22:45

Will any of these guests consider camping or shared accomodation? If I was invited to a wedding then I would factor it into my holiday arrangements for that year.

To be honest, I wouldn't arrange a seperate knees up for them later. They either go, or they miss it, but I am harsh!

expatinscotland · 01/07/2009 23:01

'If I was invited to a wedding then I would factor it into my holiday arrangements for that year.'

At lot of people are not in a position to have any holiday arrangements at present.

I love to camp, but man, if it's going to get any hotter than this I wouldn't want to do it and have to get all dressed up for a wedding, tbh.

expatinscotland · 01/07/2009 23:03

But then, I'd have said no from the outset as any fool realises accommodation during August is really expensive.

foofi · 01/07/2009 23:09

I had some people phoning the night before the wedding to drop out, and even one person who just failed to show up without letting us know! Let it wash over you - the people who are really important will be there.

LoveBeingAMummy · 02/07/2009 08:12

I had some people who didn't turn up, I had family fights cause so and so wasn't invited, unhappy guests that only children of immediate family invited etc etc Still the best day of my life (bar DD of course) and even though a fews things didn't go to plan I refuse to allow anything to rid my day!

2rebecca · 02/07/2009 09:12

I wouldn't want to have to pay alot of money just to go to a wedding unless it was immediate family or best friend. If you invited 70 then alot of these aren't going to be in these categories. Having a wedding during school holidays sound tricky if it's a tourist area. Everyone here goes elsewhere in summer so I expectI'd have no problem re accommodation, just people deciding they don't want to arrange their holiday round my wedding. It's your big day but for most folk going to a wedding it's not theirs.
The wedding shouldn't be about the guests though, it should be about you and your husband. It would never have occurred to me to cancel either of my weddings just because it wasn't a popular event or people couldn't afford to come. That is the least important part of the wedding.
If you love your man and want to be married for it go for it.

2rebecca · 02/07/2009 09:14

Julezboo, if you were the bride why did you allow someone else to fire your bridesmaid who was a friend? That sounds very strange, I never realised you could be fired from being a bridesmaid, think I'd have been upset if a friend who was a bride did that to me/ allowed someone to do that to me.

hullygully · 02/07/2009 09:18

While it is horrid that this has happened, you should have arranged the accommodation, got lists of possibles, circulatd them, made the arrangements. You'll prob find that your friends are thinking that you don't care much about them as you expect them to do and pay so much...Have a nice time with your family and a lovely party later.

samsonara · 02/07/2009 09:30

Go ahead enjoy your wedding with those that attend and then enjoy the other party later. It's harder getting accomodation for families with children anyway as some places don't have family rooms and then you want interconnecting rooms, I can understand why your close friends decision. I had two wedding celebrations, one main one and one smaller one, a month apart, it's about sharing the clebration, it doesn't have to be on the day, thinking like that is bridezilla-ish in my opinion, after, when your wedding's over, life goes on and your true good friends will still be there for you, even if they didn't traipse many miles just to see and hear you say I do, it doesn't mean they love you any less.

shhhh · 02/07/2009 10:01

hullygully...the bride should arrnage accomodation for the guests .

what else should she do..? share the room and foot the bill..

Not the brides role imo, yeah sure she can make people alware of hotels etc available in the area but thats all..in fact thats just a nice gesture and not necessary.

Our friends wedding at the weekend, we only booked the room the night before we went and we didn't speak to the bride or groom about hotels etc nearby. Just called the place where the wedding was and asked rates and booked. Simple.

nikki1978 · 02/07/2009 10:21

Tis a shame this has happened to you but I think you should have taken a lot of this into consideration when organising the whole thing. I had a winter wedding and although originally I was goign to have it around xmas time I decided to move it to early Jan to save money and so the hotel we were getting married in would be almost empty and the accommodation was much cheaper. Weddings are expensive for people to attend and as much as it is your day it is also about them celebrating with you so you have to factor their needs into your planning. Of course they all like you but times are tough financially anyway and you can't expect people to get themselves into debt to attend your wedding. Yes they were a bit rubbish saying yes but as many people have said it is not like it was made clear to them at the start that it would be so expensive and accommodation would be so hard to find. Either you need to get involved now and find places for them to stay or you have to accept that you will be having a small wedding. I think the party suggested sounds lovely if people feel bad that they can't make it.

Weddings are funny things anyway - they mean the world to the couple getting married but not so much to many other people. 8 people who rsvped didn't turn up to our wedding. Typically they were all sitting on the same table of 8 so we had one empty table. Was slightly embarassing but we shrugged it off and enjoyed ourselves anyway. Of course I am not really on good terms with those people anymore but that really did take the piss!

You will have a wonderful day anyway so just make the most of it for what it is

Fimbo · 02/07/2009 11:03

Isn't there are travel lodge type places around where the wedding is?

I would too like to know more about the Julezboo bridesmaid story.

hullygully · 02/07/2009 11:12

Ssshhh - I think the hosts (bride and groom) should arrange the accommodation, yes. We did for ours, and so has e.one I know. Why give them a complete and expensive nightmare just because you want to get married?

If you want them to come, make it possible. Tis courtesy.

TrillianAstrahasaJOB · 02/07/2009 11:14
BitOfFun · 02/07/2009 11:18

Julezboo, are you going to be on Don't Tell The Bride?

Fimbo · 02/07/2009 11:31

Ooh there was someone on here who was going to be on it and had bridesmaid troubles. I think you have banged the nail on the head Bof.

hullygully · 02/07/2009 11:37

TA - yes, meant that. Give them a list of choices and options so they can choose.

TrillianAstrahasaJOB · 02/07/2009 11:38

Phew hullygully, thought you meant they should book for everyone, what a nightmare that would be!

Giving out suggestions is just polite when they don't know the area and you (presumably) do.

Confuzzeled · 02/07/2009 11:39

Sorry not read the whole thread, I'm just on my way out but wanted to comment on something.

I come from a tourist village, the big hotels cost a fortune on bank holidays but there are hundreds of B&B's not to mention bunk houses and friends who'd be willing to let out there spare rooms.

If there is over 30 of them they could get together and rent a big house. They could put tents up in the garden for the kiddies, it's August after all. Also tourist resorts are always surrounded by caravan sights, whats wrong with a caravan for a couple of nights.

It sounds like your mates are trying to get together and rearrange your wedding for their convenience which is bloody unfair.

It's a group mentality thing as well, one of them will have looked for accomidation and told the rest it was too expensive. The others will just accept it because people tend to do whats easy especially when they've got kids and money to worry about.

If I was you I'd have a look into it, get your family to do some research too and then tell your mates. They'll probably see they've been a bit silly and not looked into it properly.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/07/2009 12:13

I got married abroad and the friends who cam were the ones who could afford/wanted to. Those who didn't were the ones who couldn't afford it/had other priorities. Fine. It didn't make them crap friends.
It's shitty that they said yes and waited to cancel but it's very reasonable that when they sat and worked it all out they had a heart attack at the cost and can't afford it. Don't take it personally and enjoy the wedding.

expatinscotland · 02/07/2009 12:48

Wow, Confuzzled, I'm a pretty pessimistic and cynical person, but what a negative, despairing view to take of one's mates.

Maybe some folks really don't have the money. At all. They had it for one night and that's it. They have several kids.

Maybe they have money problems and they're private people, or embarrassed or ashamed and don't want to share it with the world.

Maybe their job's at risk and they are afraid to part with any money that's not entirely necessary, or their car's about to blow up and money's tight.

What a Bridezilla way to look at things.

Confuzzeled · 02/07/2009 12:54

Expat, your probably right, I'm in a crap mood today and am being a grumpy bugger.

expatinscotland · 02/07/2009 13:10

I feel sorry for the OP, and I agree it might be rude to have verbally agreed and then back out, but there may have been valid reasons for this.

and it doesn't make them all bad mates.

hope she enjoys her day, though.