To end things with my boyfriend over his attitude towards oral sex?

[SharpPlumUser]

I have a very clear preference when it comes to giving oral sex. I’m only comfortable doing it in the 69 position where we’re both giving and receiving simultaneously. Outside of that, I personally find the act degrading.

My boyfriend doesn’t seem willing to accept this and keeps challenging why I feel that way. I’m not asking him to share my perspective or agree that the act itself is degrading. I appreciate that other women may enjoy it in different circumstances and that’s entirely their choice.

However, I believe I’m entitled to my own sexual boundaries without having to repeatedly defend or justify them. For me, the real issue is his apparent inability to accept that this is simply what I’m comfortable with rather than the oral sex itself.

AIBU to consider ending the relationship over this?

Definitely get rid.

Absolutely get rid.

You can end a relationship for any reason whatsoever. This seems like a good one, but there aren’t really any ‘bad’ ones. I’d certainly dump him.

Just out of curiosity, what’s his problem either this, exactly? I’m guessing his issue is that he wants to receive oral sex independent of 69ing, as opposed to wanting to just go down on you?

You know your preferences, you've made your sexual boundaries clear, he doesn't respect them. That's not a relationship to continue.

A loving partner does not try to coerce you into doing sexual things you don’t want to do.

Get rid of him.

The op doesn’t have to share details.

You should know you can end a relationship for any reason at all.

Yes, that’s exactly it. He wants to receive oral sex independently of the 69 position.

I have no issue with him having that preference but I do have an issue with him repeatedly questioning mine, particularly when I’ve already explained that I’m not comfortable with it. I don’t expect him to feel the same way I do but I do expect him to respect my boundaries without treating them as something to be negotiated.

You're not sexually compatible. I wouldn't want to only have oral in 69 - it's a faffy position and I find it hard to concentrate on both aspects at once. I do get why he's querying you too - it doesn't seem obvious to me why you are happy doing 69 but not just by yourself.

I'm appalled at so many saying you're unreasonable. 100% your choice to lay down boundaries. 100% his choice whether to accept them or not.

What an odd comment. OP doesn’t have to do anything. I’m curious, so I asked. She’s obviously free to answer or not answer.

ETA: and she chose to answer.

You can end a relationship for a serious or a silly reason, but this seems like a serious one.

You have different wishes, reasonable to end the relationship over this.

I'd end a relationship if we had to 69 every time so I'd end one if I needed that and the other person wasn't up for that being a rule

It is perfectly obvious.

The OP doesn't want to. What more of a reason do you want than that?! If a partner doesn't want to do something or doesn't like something then you don't keep badgering them to explain.

@SharpPlumUser you have set your boundaries and if he cannot respect them then the relationship is pointless.

Your not compatible.

Never understood the attraction of 69, he inevitably is forced to have your butthole pressed up against his nose.

I think that this is a sensible and healthy position to take with regards to pretty much everything in life.

I don’t think you’re wrong for having this opinion, but I don’t think he is either. I don’t mind a 69 but I wouldn’t want that to be the only option. It’s a faff and you can’t just get lost in the moment. I’d wonder why my partner felt degraded in a respectful and loving relationship. Does he not want to perform the act on you, as well as receive it?

Your just not compatible- I’d leave it where it is.

OP is absolutely entitled to end the relationship for this or any other reason.

However, I don't quite understand why if he prefers one thing and OP prefers another, they always have to do it OP's way? Presumably he could make the same argument that this isn't respecting his boundaries?

I don't know. I agree with a PP, personally I find it difficult to concentrate on both things at once, so it would take oral sex off the table completely for me. It doesn't seem that logical either, if it's about reciprocal pleasure, then surely taking turns would also achieve this. So I can see why he isn't happy with it, or is maybe questioning it to try and understand the thought process behind it. However what he absolutely shouldn't be doing is questioning you to try and pressure you into changing your mind. So if this is happening, then that's not acceptable and yes I'd consider splitting over it.

Well he's perfectly entitled to ask why but obviously not try to coerse.

Sometimes being gently challenged can be a good thing if it helps see things in a different light, but no one has the right to overstep sexual boundaries.

Good point @TraitorOrFaithful

yrs you shouldn’t do things you don’t agree with. But I would be so hurt if my DH thought giving me oral sex was degrading! Be interesting to delve into why you feel like that but obviously that is me being curious and not related to the thread.
i just fail to see how giving someone you love pleasure is degrading.

A boundary is about what you will or won't do, not about what you can make another person do.

His boundary might be that he never gives oral to a woman until he has received it first. Or that he will always end a relationship if he is not getting oral.

His boundary can't be that she must do XYZ - that is not a boundary. His boundary is that he will/ won't do ABC if she doesn't do XYZ.

It's pretty difficult to come during 69 I find (as a woman) so good on you if you favour it!
But the thing is I do think it takes an extra layer of concentration to be able to be relaxed enough to come while orally doing the same to someone else!

Hopefully you can find a compromise. It's not wrong to favour it, but it's also not wrong if him to not favour it.

I disagree that consensual oral is degrading, as long as it's reciprocated. You're just concentrating on the other person solely for a few mins. Then you can swap?

But obviously you shouldn't be forced into anything you don't like and neither should your partner.