To end things with my boyfriend over his attitude towards oral sex?

[SharpPlumUser]

I have a very clear preference when it comes to giving oral sex. I’m only comfortable doing it in the 69 position where we’re both giving and receiving simultaneously. Outside of that, I personally find the act degrading.

My boyfriend doesn’t seem willing to accept this and keeps challenging why I feel that way. I’m not asking him to share my perspective or agree that the act itself is degrading. I appreciate that other women may enjoy it in different circumstances and that’s entirely their choice.

However, I believe I’m entitled to my own sexual boundaries without having to repeatedly defend or justify them. For me, the real issue is his apparent inability to accept that this is simply what I’m comfortable with rather than the oral sex itself.

AIBU to consider ending the relationship over this?

Agreed but there's a big difference between pressurising someone to do an act they don't want to do and questioning why they seemingly enjoy an act but will only do it in scenario A not scenario B.
I could declare tomorrow that from now on I will only engage in sex on the first Thursday of every month between the hours of 6-8pm. I would be entitled to do so but would my husband be equally entitled to question it? Or would he just have to accept and say no more about it? Good relationships thrive on discussion and compromise and sometimes that may include matters in the bedroom.

It sounds like he is pressuring her though if he keeps going on about it. Presumably she has given him her reasons.

He is entitled to enjoy his preferences too, and if they are that important to him and they can't agree to compromise in some way, (and it doesn't seem as if the OP is willing to do that) I don't see much point in them staying together.

If that’s how you feel that’s absolutely fine. And he is entitled to feel the way he feels too. So you’re not compatible.

Personally I can’t imagine anything worse than having my head stuck between some blokes bits while he’s face down in mine (been there, done that and not for me at all). But we’re all different!

Yeah if someone told me that my only chance of getting oral was allowing them to sit on my head while they did it, I think I'd be out the door.

Best of luck finding someone more on your sexual wavelength op.

I can imagine it possibly being degrading if a woman gives OS to a man while kneeling in front of him. Is that the issue here?

i do not understand why people keep saying they don’t like 69 who cares what you like? op does so it’s irrelevant if you don’t?

A boundary doesn’t involve demanding a sex act. Good grief.

Personally if my partner kept going on about a sex act he knew I was not comfortable performing; it would eventually put me off wanting sex with him at all.

@KimMumsnet You’re not being unreasonable to state your boundaries and expect him to respect them.

I do think you may have something to explore in therapy as to why you think it’s degrading for a woman to go down on a man. For a start it strikes me as pretty misogynistic to believe that women who enjoy it are degrading themselves.

Do you hold the same belief about a man going down on a woman?

@moderate You've quoted the Mumsnet moderator instead of the OP. xx

Ah, sorry, thanks for letting me know; unfortunately it’s too late now for me to edit it.

@KimMumsnet Apologies, my message was supposed to be directed at @SharpPlumUser.

Why the heck should she 'explore therapy'? She likes what she likes and doesn't feel comfortable doing it solo.
We all have little quirks, especially when it comes to sex. Save the therapy for real problems.

I already explained in my reply why it's not just a question of her own likes and dislikes, but rather that her judgement of others indicates an unhealthy view of women.