Found out Ex is engaged

[Sunshinestar7]

Found out my Ex is engaged.
We cut contact a year ago, he got with her 3 months after me. Part of me always hoped I would hear from him again. I don’t think I’ve ever truly moved on.
Should I message him to say congratulations?? Any advice what you would do?

I’d just draw a line under it and continue having no contact and move forwards

I'd stay out of it completely. No good can come of it unless you are still close friends, the split was amicable and you are genuinely delighted for him.

Honestly, don’t respond at all. No good will come of it. If it was him that messaged you I’d also be questioning why he would do that. What is he trying to achieve?
This is your most vulnerable time, just after you have found out. Dig deep, put your big girl boots on and walk away without looking back.

Absolutely do not message
why were / are you still pining? He isn’t
take this as a sign to move on - work out what you want and go and get it

Absolutely not

I wouldn’t contact him at all

Ooh no, don’t contact him.

Echo all the above. Don't do it. It's rubbish, but he's found love elsewhere and he's not going to turn around and say "it should've been us". Any contact will result in greater disappointment at your end.

No, don’t do this.

Of course don’t message him focus on yourself

No. Don't message him.

You havent moved on and have hoped he would get back in touch.

You are not happy for him becaue of this.

So any 'congratulations' message you sent would be insincere at best and an attempt to remind him of your existence and resume contact at worst..

So, no.

No, don’t message him. If he’d been interested in your congratulations he’d have messaged to tell you about his engagement.

No don’t message him

Do not message him!

Absolutely do not contact him. This is where you draw a line under it, use this as closure and move on.

Don't message him ever, and stop keeping tabs on him. Block him on everything..no fake online accounts, no asking people about him, no receiving information from people about him especially if you tell them not to bring him up...if they do, cut them out of your life. . Don't allow him to re-enter your life.

Things didn't work out between you two. It sucks, but it wasn't meant to be.

Don't let the rest of your life remain at a standstill because of wishful thinking and longing. Please work towards moving on .. perhaps therapy would be beneficial.

Also, things would be the same if you two were together.

He has chosen to move on. Respect that.

It is unlikely that you will take any advice seriously, and will message him. If you do, I hope that he will make it very clear to you, or maybe not respond at all ...and that will cause you to finally purge him out of your system.

Why on earth would you do that? What would you hope to gain from it?

Also, you just want to maneuver and insert yourself back into his life anyways. You are hoping by sending that message, he'll respond friendly, and you'll take that and will keep on messaging him.

He may respond by thanking you..
Then you'll ask how he is doing...
He may respond out of politeness and ask you about your well being ...

Then it continues...and you'll get yourself into a bad situation with no happy ending for you, and possibly lifelong consequences.

If you’d moved on and got engaged I’m sure the last person you would want to hear from is your ex.
Delete them from your contacts.

Or how about if you’d just got engaged would you be happy if his gutted ex who wanted to get back with him suddenly resurfaced to “congratulate” him in a bid to see if he’s going to pick her instead.
Leave him to be happy and don’t cause trouble for him.

Please don't message him. I say that gently, because the reason you want to is in your own post: you cut contact a year ago, he was with her three months later, and part of you has been hoping ever since that you would hear from him again. A congratulations message would not really be congratulations — it would be reopening a door you already know hurts, and then waiting to see how he answers it. The engagement news is painful, but it is also the clearest closure you are going to get. Let it be the line under it, keep the no contact that has protected you this past year, and put that hope somewhere it can actually be returned.

Don’t you cut contact a year ago and from what you have said it sounds like you heard through a 3rd party. What do you hope to gain ? Ex has clearly moved on with his life and it’s best you move on with yours.

Thanks everyone for the replies!!!

I did hear through the grapevine.
Had no contact with him at all but was hoping that I might, as well being single obviously still not completely over him and then seeing he’s engaged. He had been talking to her whilst still in touch with me then seen they were together.

Ah, sorry to hear this, OP - it’s natural that you should find this hard, especially if you’re not completely over him. But so many of us have been where you are and have gone on to find love. Don’t contact him. Just get busy and interested in other things.

hes not coming back op, messaging him isn’t going to make him change his mind, I’m sorry.