How important is texting chemistry?

[datingchemistry]

I am 36 years old. Dating with intension, want to settle down and start a family. So I am picky, but because I'm looking for my forever person.

I have found online dating really difficult, it's been rare that I've met anyone I really like, and when I have, it's ended after a few months because of them. I am not attracted to the majority of the men I end up meeting, but like to give dates a chance to see if the attraction can come. It rarely does.

I met a man last week who is 37. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw him, I definitely fancied him. There wasn't fireworks, but I did like his look and so far no major red flags.

But I have started to realise I don't like his texting style. It's hard to explain, but I don't feel we are connecting over text. He has made a few spelling/grammar mistakes and I find that icky, and it's consistent. One of the things I am attracted to is intelligence and I am finding he is coming across the opposite despite having a job in management.

Is texting chemistry important when dating someone? I do like to receive texts and find it a big part of communicating with your partner. So is it going to work when I am always getting the ick over the way he has spelt something, or put punctuation in the wrong places? I am just not particularly enjoying our texting conversations.

Should I... go on a second date and forget the texting thing, concentrating on him in person. Or, should I cut my losses, I am attracted to him, but the communication would bother me?

It’s not important to me. Texting is just words on a screen with no tone. If you hinge chemistry on texting I think it’s a mistake personally. How they are in person is what’s important. He could have dyslexia for all you know and be perfectly intelligent. Texting to me is just sharing information or making plans. It’s not a way of building a relationship

Given that your post here isn't perfect, I wouldn't be too judgy when it comes to spelling and grammar.

LTB

Too easy😂

Luckily I can remember life before texting so I love a good chat on the phone. His style wouldn't upset me at all, if he couldn't string two words together it would 😁

Ha, there's always one. I'm not saying it has to be perfect. But some of the spellings and use of multiple exclamation and question marks are getting a bit annoying. He might say for example 'How has your day been ????' Do you not think that is annoying all the time?

I think assuming he’s less intelligent due to spelling or punctuation errors is small minded. He may be dyslexic for example, which has no link to intelligence but can mean someone genuinely struggles with spelling and grammar.

Personally, I don’t even consider texting style or content as a factor in a relationship. I only really care that they don’t ignore me if I message (in the early days at least). I’ve been with my dh a long time now and texting is pretty much only used to remind each other to buy loo roll on the way home, so probably just as well it wasn’t high on my list of relationship priorities!

This would annoy me too. I’d feel like we wasn’t a good match because of this. I personally hate it when people text “ain’t” and such like. I kind of roll my eyes and think, we are not compatible.

No more than mixing up intension and intention and not knowing how to use plurals. Both are irritating. If you are going to be that fussy and say that it makes you think he's a bit dim, maybe think about how you come across and whether it's accurate. If it's not, then it may not be for him either.

Its not at all important for me, unless the content was inappropriate (sexist etc).

Calls and talking face to face chemistry is very important, that's what makes or breaks a relationship.

IF you settled down with him, his poor texting skils will not matter one jot at 9pm on a Monday evening post child bed time wrangling.

Bad spelling and grammar is a huge turn off for me. Recently came across someone who in one spelled 'different' with an apostrophe! Differen't! Like...what. I understand some people might be dyslexic, but most people aren't, and in the day of spell checkers and autocorrect, I really don't know how some people's spelling and grammar is still so terrible.

OP it would put me off too. Knowing the potential father of your future children can’t spell is surely a massive turn off?

It doesn't matter how important it is to other people. It's clearly a dealbreaker for you.

Four question marks (even two or three, after one question) comes across as impatient and even aggressive, to me. I'm not sure why it has that effect on me, but I just hear that person's voice shouting "Answer me now!"

Given that we were the first generation to have phones, I'd say not important at all! Every other generation managed.
But if it's something really important to you, then obviously it's your choice. Many people choose to use incorrect spg in texts; it doesn't necessarily mean they don't know how to write correctly.

I get where you’re coming from OP but I know some highly intelligent people who are terrible on texts but witty and articulate in real life. I wouldn’t let it get to me if otherwise I liked the person. No one is perfect.

Gosh, I totally get it. This was one of my criteria when I was dating. My DP can hold a decent conversation by text without irritating me, which is lucky because, in contrast to PP who said this won't matter when you're wrangling kids' bedtimes, DP and I pretty much only ever communicate via WhatsApp since having children. 😐

It's pretty important to me. I used to have a 25-to-45-minute commute and DP and I had so many interesting, funny, wonderful conversations over text while I was in transit. I understand that it's different for people who have a more utilitarian view towards texting though.

It puts me off if messaging chemistry doesn’t match, whether that’s bad text spelling, infrequent or too frequent messaging, this is someone you’d have to put up with daily.

Texting chemistry? What fresh dating hell is this?????

Exactly what I was coming on to say - wtf is “texting chemistry”?! How many types of chemistry are you expecting to have with a man?!

Missing your point here, but I thought to myself 'we never studied that in chemistry lessons'.

My lovely, faithful, funny, articulate, intelligent, creative man is really dry and boring in his texting style bless him. He mainly uses it as a communication tool. He tries hard but it really does not come naturally to him.

So for me, it's really not that important. It's no measure at all of his character.

Hmm, I think your very judgmental response is very strange. Texting style is very rarely important. The more intelligent the person the less likely they are to want to text or - worse still - WhatsApp type social media. Three ??? means absolutely nothing.

I’d struggle to fancy someone who made lots of spelling and grammar mistakes.

By the same token, I was dumped once because I didn’t own a fleece.

We all have our random icks and dealbreakers!

You’re allowed to hold out for someone who won’t make you wince every time they send you a text or give you a birthday card.