How important is texting chemistry?

[datingchemistry]

I am 36 years old. Dating with intension, want to settle down and start a family. So I am picky, but because I'm looking for my forever person.

I have found online dating really difficult, it's been rare that I've met anyone I really like, and when I have, it's ended after a few months because of them. I am not attracted to the majority of the men I end up meeting, but like to give dates a chance to see if the attraction can come. It rarely does.

I met a man last week who is 37. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw him, I definitely fancied him. There wasn't fireworks, but I did like his look and so far no major red flags.

But I have started to realise I don't like his texting style. It's hard to explain, but I don't feel we are connecting over text. He has made a few spelling/grammar mistakes and I find that icky, and it's consistent. One of the things I am attracted to is intelligence and I am finding he is coming across the opposite despite having a job in management.

Is texting chemistry important when dating someone? I do like to receive texts and find it a big part of communicating with your partner. So is it going to work when I am always getting the ick over the way he has spelt something, or put punctuation in the wrong places? I am just not particularly enjoying our texting conversations.

Should I... go on a second date and forget the texting thing, concentrating on him in person. Or, should I cut my losses, I am attracted to him, but the communication would bother me?

Ive been dating a French guy for a few months and he texts to say morning and will respond to a text from me but really it’s just functional. I had previously spent a year in various relationships confined to online or otherwise where the messages came fast and furious and I really enjoyed it. However bar a couple of them every single one was a dick. The point is loads of guys were great at messaging but that’s where their skills began and ended.
I do wish my DP would text me more and it’s taken some getting used to but I am aware that it is how things are in person that count and as has been pointed out whilst it’s important to know what you want you would be wise to be a little more open minded or probably face a long search for the one

I love texting and conversation flow, sense of humour, language used to express affection, are often good indicators of chemistry. They also keep the communication and vibes going between dates. While I appreciate good spelling and grammar, it wouldn't be an absolute dealbreaker. Though I personally dislike the excessive use of 'x', because some people put it after every question or sentence, even when it makes no sense.
In what way are you not enjoying your conversations? Are they boring or one-sided? If you had a good first date, I would definitely give the guy another chance.

Texting too much would be my turnoff.

I can write a mean letter though and in cursive!

Spelling and grammar errors don't really bother me and I don't really consider them a clue as to the intelligence of the person texting. Things like dyslexia, keyboard errors, using a second or third language make that a pretty superficial take on intelligence.

Perhaps he doesn't think that you have a good grasp of spelling and punctuation and may simply be trying to match you, in an effort to make you feel less bad.

😂😂 tremendous response! (!!!!!)

I heartily agree with this.

Also, my grammar and spelling is pretty good, but my typing really isn't. That factors in to what ends up on a screen. It's nothing to do with intelligence.

Furthermore, some people have a different style when they text or email from the way they would normally write. I would never, for example, put an emoji in a handwritten card, but I might in a text, and I think duplicate punctuations marks falls into that category: something you might do in a text but not in formal writing.

Steady on with those questions marks! Op is in the building...

DH and I have been married for 25 years. Our text conversations consist of:

"Trains stuffed. Will be home late"
"Want to meet for lunch?"
"On my way home"
"Wine delivered apparantly"
"OK"

He often just answers with "Cool" a word he NEVER uses in real life. Does this make me think the worse of him? No, it's a joke between DD and I though.

Maybe I'm too old to have ever gotten into the habit of text conversations. In my experience the chemistry is in person, not on the screen.

Yeah, get off line and meet in person. Who texts anymore?

Who texts anymore? Erm...almost everyone? How do you keep the interest and conversation going between dates? And even while dating, how do you have conversations with your partner?

But this is a totally different situation. When you are living with someone and have been with them a long time, naturally the texts will be shorter or to the point or jokey. OP is still in the dating phase- how is that situation comparable to yours? Surely, when you are getting to know someone, long chats are part of it.

Nope. Even when we were dating it was like that.

Though to be fair, he was working in hospitals and had to have his phone off around the equipment so there was a fair bit of "Turn your bloody phone on!!"

Actually speaking to them on the phone? It's a fantastic invention.

There is no need to be sarcastic. It's not possible to always have phone conversations everyday during dating. In any case, it's not either or. You could do both text and call. There's also personal preference.

Honestly, there must be something in the water.

MN has always been prone to snakiness, but lately there are such touchy, tetchy sarcastic response over absolutely nothing worth getting wound up over.

Of course it's personal preference. But you did ask how people were supposed to keep in touch and have conversations with their dating partner. Surely anyone with a reasonably normal lifestyle can find time to make or receive a call on most days/evenings at some point. Especially in the early days of a relationship. And you're bound to get far more of a "sense" of someone by actually speaking to them.

It was in response to the person who texts anymore, as if its an unheard of or antiquated practice. In my dating experience, phone calls are not that common or often. Perhaps once or twice between dates. My ex didn't really like phone calls but was pretty good at texting.

Can you tell us more about the fleece incident Voltaire?! Did he give any explanation as to why this was a dealbreaker!?

The fact that I didn’t even own a fleece demonstrated that I was not taking seriously his passion for camping, and therefore we had no future together.

I mean, fair enough, I guess!

Completely unimportant.
what is important is, is he kind, loyal? Do you have similar values? Is he reasonably sensible with money and willing to introduce you to his family and friends?
Texting style is utterly unimportant unless it’s aggressive/abusive

OMG - that's hilarious! Although I'm sorry if it was upsetting for you at the time!

I was mainly irritated he got in there first. And a bit puzzled: of all our incompatibilities, my fleecelessness was the most minor by far.

@VoltaireMittyDream Humans can be such weirdos.

You asked a question and you got your answer. Now you’re trying to shift the goalposts to personal preference.