Husband has a new found sex drive

[ImperialGoddess]

So, a couple months ago my husband started working out. He honestly has hated working out since we have been together but always had to stay in shape for his job. So he would work out in the minimal amount of time and effort to meet the standards for his job, and stop until they had to test him again. BTW he is phenomenal at his job so thats not an issue.

But I have always been a gym rat. I love working out and lifting heavy.

So to see my husband suddenly go to working out 5x's a week, 2 hours a day is..a bit of a change. We have a 5 year old special needs child and my husband said he's doing it for him. Okay, fair.

But now..he claims he has a higher sex drive. He is 39. I am 42 and perimenopausal, I am on HRT and my sex drive is very scarce.. which its been that way for a while. Which is naturally for a woman of my age to go through, right? Like there are stages of life...ugh, anyway.

A couple weeks ago my husband was complaining about how he now masturbates 2x a day and wants to know why I have no sex drive because he wants to have sex with me all the time. He has been very touchy feely, telling me how sexy and pretty I am, and likes to make note of his weight loss and how he is looking better and its so damn annoying. While I do appreciate his hard work in the gym, I did tell him he can't do it for just looking better or expecting me to "jump him" because he's getting more muscles because its not going to happen. I'm exhausted at the end of the day and sex is the last thing I want. He doesn't get it.

Like tonight was my night off after our son went down, I took a bath and my husband came in, took a shower, then came out in a towel and tried to kneel next to the tub to" watch my show with me"..like dude! I'm naked..I know what you're going to try..go away!

Does anyone else deal with this? We have been together 11 years and it's not like this man has been deprived. I just don't have the sex drive I had in my thirties, before I became a SAHM to a special needs child, taking care of the house, cars, animals, bills, finances, ect. While still working out and I recently started to work P/T too. Can anyone else relate? What do I do?

Your husband is going to the gym 5x a week for 2 hrs at a time and he says he is doing it for your child?! Pull the other one! What a joke - he is doing it for himself and no-one else.

I would be wondering why there has been a sudden change in behaviour and what is driving this.

So just for context. My son is just shy of 4' tall and 60 lbs (he's a solid kid, not fat) and sometimes he needs to be carried. So this does make a little sense to me.

But I did wonder WHY the sudden change. Because I have been begging him to come work out at the gym for 8 freaking years..and he never did..and now he's all in it? I did tell him I was mad at him for that. I asked him WHY and he said our son.

If you go on the internet and look for DSO (Dad starring over) he has a book “The dead bedroom fix” it advocates for similar changes that your DH has undertaken.

If you’re willing to meet someone in the middle then reading or listening to Mating in captivity might do you both some good to understand how to navigate mismatched sex drives at different times in our lives.

Being horny and wanting to shag your wife who you really still fancy after kids, years together and everything you mentioned that goes with it is not necessarily a bad thing. Being a sex pest is ick inducing and iv been guilty of not getting that balance right in the past.

Sorted my own shit out and things are good. Good luck.

I'm 42 9 kids and can't say sex drive gone anywhere, still want my dh probably more than I ever did and luckily always reciprocated

From what you’ve written, sounds like he’s putting the effort in? Don’t understand the issue with it.

That's nice but you do know this thread isn't about you and your DH shagging like rabbits?

Do you have any helpful advice for the OP?

Exercise increases male sex drive.

Did you read the OP at all?

She even says I'm exhausted at the end of the day and sex is the last thing I want and can anyone relate? What do I do?

Hope that helps.

Could he be using anabolic steroids?

@FannybygaslightinGovan Yeah I read it but honestly it sounds like whining. We are all exhausted when raising kids working house bla bla bla.

I’m never suggesting sexual coercion but there needs to be a middle ground instead otherwise you’re just roommates. Ie effort on both sides.

He’s trying here - she’s repulsed by him?!

I would put good money on him taking supplements (testosterone? steroids?) to put on muscle and that driving his sex drive mad.

Tell him to cut them out.

I don’t think it’s particularly normal to have a low sex drive at 42. Nor do I think it’s a ‘joke’ that a 39 year old man has decided to start getting fit so he can be around longer for his child. I was 52 when I started going to the gym and I’d never been in my life but I decided I didn’t want to become physically unwell and a burden on my family.

Is he doing his fair share of which has to be done at home?

You absolutely definitely should not be pressured into sex but you should still want to have it I think.

He’s going to the gym and he’s feeling better for it. He’s probably feeling stronger, fitter, more confidence and energy which is probably having an effect on his sex drive…. Which is great for him however you need to tell him just because his drive has increased it doesn’t mean yours has. Do it when you want to, don’t do it when you don’t want to

On the flip side, I think if you’re a 42 year old with a busy life, kids, have been with your DH a long time (sometimes two decades) so all the shine has worn off then your hormones start plummeting… it’s very very normal to have a low sex drive.

if you’re lucky enough to have lots of space away from kids, money for babysitting for regular date nights or GPs who take the kids every weekend so you can reconnect then yeah, maybe it’s much easier to protect that part of the relationship. For most people it’s really hard and involves sex scheduling. Throw in a physical health problem (as in my case right now) and the whole thing can quickly go offline.

As for the OP, if this is a rapid change I would suspect he’s taking supplements for the gym

I can't understand some of the replies on here that are so blasé about OP's H's recent transition in to a sex pest.
I agree with those who suggest there is something more to this than just the exercising and very likely steroids or similar is the answer.

I’d be thinking steroids or T-Maxing (testosterone)

Nothing more ick inducing than a pushy man

Most people have busy lives though and I don’t know anyone whose parents take their dc at weekends. Our parents both live on different continents from us for example. We’ve never had any support and all my friends parents still work. The OP hasn’t been married for two decades. Marriage isn’t about the shine.

She’s asking if people think it’s normal to have a low sex drive at 42 and my answer is that I don’t think that it is.

Like I said though, she Shen being pressured into having sex or pestered by her own husband or made to feel in any way guilty.

Do you actually fancy him? I’ve discovered that was the problem for me.

He works out for 2 hours each day and also wanks twice a day? I guess that his parenting takes second / third place to that then.

It perfectly can be normal at 42 to lose sex drive, especially if perimenopausal and requiring hrt! Just because others don’t suffer the same doesn’t mean it’s not real.

I agree (I also have a teen Ds with autism and complex needs for context, I’d be really pissed off if my dh started going to the gym most days for 2 hours at a time)!

Whatever the reason for his change, your marriage is in a difficult place. Bluntly, you need to decide how much you care about that.

A fit 39 year won’t find it hard to get an affair partner. ‘Dating’ site for married people survive on custom from middle aged men like your H, and he sounds leagues above most of them in the physical fitness stakes.

😂 this! Ffs! He sounds like a twat