Husband has a new found sex drive

[ImperialGoddess]

So, a couple months ago my husband started working out. He honestly has hated working out since we have been together but always had to stay in shape for his job. So he would work out in the minimal amount of time and effort to meet the standards for his job, and stop until they had to test him again. BTW he is phenomenal at his job so thats not an issue.

But I have always been a gym rat. I love working out and lifting heavy.

So to see my husband suddenly go to working out 5x's a week, 2 hours a day is..a bit of a change. We have a 5 year old special needs child and my husband said he's doing it for him. Okay, fair.

But now..he claims he has a higher sex drive. He is 39. I am 42 and perimenopausal, I am on HRT and my sex drive is very scarce.. which its been that way for a while. Which is naturally for a woman of my age to go through, right? Like there are stages of life...ugh, anyway.

A couple weeks ago my husband was complaining about how he now masturbates 2x a day and wants to know why I have no sex drive because he wants to have sex with me all the time. He has been very touchy feely, telling me how sexy and pretty I am, and likes to make note of his weight loss and how he is looking better and its so damn annoying. While I do appreciate his hard work in the gym, I did tell him he can't do it for just looking better or expecting me to "jump him" because he's getting more muscles because its not going to happen. I'm exhausted at the end of the day and sex is the last thing I want. He doesn't get it.

Like tonight was my night off after our son went down, I took a bath and my husband came in, took a shower, then came out in a towel and tried to kneel next to the tub to" watch my show with me"..like dude! I'm naked..I know what you're going to try..go away!

Does anyone else deal with this? We have been together 11 years and it's not like this man has been deprived. I just don't have the sex drive I had in my thirties, before I became a SAHM to a special needs child, taking care of the house, cars, animals, bills, finances, ect. While still working out and I recently started to work P/T too. Can anyone else relate? What do I do?

It could be a number of things including him feeling good about his body, steroids or that someone else is turning him on (I am really sorry to write it, no-one else has, but I learned with hindsight that this was the case in my marriage). I also have a female friend that experienced the same thing; her husband had no idea that the catalyst for her renewed sex drive and love of sexy undies was someone else.

Sounds very irritating

He’s obviously got the major horn and it didn’t just come from increasing exercise.

Getting more exercise is a well known way of improving libido, for both men and women.

It says that’s literally his motivation. The sex drive is a consequence not the purpose.

I don’t see anything in OP’s posts to indicate that DH spends too little time with his son.

And she says she herself is a “gym rat”.

But I should not have been so rude to you in my previous post, for which I apologise.

I don't have much advice, as I have been in the same boat since I started having my children 5 years ago, and I am 37 now, but I just wanted to empathise. For some of us, libido comes from feeling close to our partner as sort of the end result of built up/ongoing affection and connection, where as for other people, sex is the thing they do to feel affectionate and close (so where they start from). I have found my interest in sex getting worse the more pressure I feel about it (the more I read about how my family is going to break up over it because apparently most people cannot live without it), and I feel put off in trying to build up connection/affection in my own way in case it leads my partner on and he instantly thinks I want sex after a few kisses before I am ready etc. So, I just want to say I get how you feel.

The OP also says it makes sense her husband is doing it for their son who is a sturdy boy that needs lifting. In time he'll require more strength.
The knock on effect os he looks good, feels good and is now hornier.

What is he doing at the gym that takes 2 hours? Surely an hour is enough?

One hour strength, one hour cardio, with plenty of recovery time between sets?

I did read @ImperialGoddess comment that being physically stronger to lift their DC was a motivating factor. That's good but it sounds as if she is doing the majority of parenting.

sounds like it's worth a look !!. when I read @ImperialGoddess post I thought oh for fucks sake. could do with it being good on both sides and everything would be ok but all the mess for 30 seconds is it worth it well obviously for one person....

Mmmmmm is your husband on testosterone? My fella likes to keep fit, he cycles testosterone and when he does it’s like he’s on heat.

I would honestly look at going to the GP and ask for some help with libido and getting some test gel

Is he taking testosterone potentially? This would explain the changes?

So he’s done exactly what you wanted, just not exactly when you wanted him to? He’s not the problem….

Also, presumably your son wasn’t as heavy when you wanted him to do this initially.

What he’s doing makes sense, you don’t.

tell him pulling his weight in the house and childcare is sexier than muscles.

he's working full time, gyming 2 hours, when does he see his son? wash up? chuck in a wash?

My first thought if he’s having an affair, contemplating one or has made a connection with someone he really fancies.

Every single possible issue in life is put down to PM and you're only 42 I know some people suffer with this - probably more full-blown menopause which you aren't anywhere near but PM is used as a
deflection and that's what you're doing I am sick to death of this constant chatter about all kinds of menopause.. take a accountability and stop blaming something that is natural and has happened since time immemorial

Childbirth has happened since time began but women still die whilst doing it.

Saffron extract for you will help

How is that helpful to the OP? 🤷‍♀️

He gets two hours to go to the gym as a break. Do you get a two hour break daily?

He gets two hours to go to the gym as a break. Do you get a two hour break daily?

He gets two hours to go to the gym as a break. Do you get a two hour break daily?

40s have been my most sexual so far by a long shot, so no it’s not typical. You need to look at why you don’t want it.

She said it was how it is for a woman of her age. But it is for some, not for others. She said it like it’s just how it is.
It is for her.