Bed sharing with children.

[ThatPlumSeal]

What's peoples views on children sleeping in the same bed as the parents. As a child I was always expected to stay in my own bed unless I was ill or occasionally I'd come in just before it was time to get up like Christmas or birthdays.
My ex has always insisted that both our children share our bed, when they were younger 3-5 if ever I complained I wasn't getting much sleep and it was affecting my work I'd end up on the sofa and after several days with a bad back she moved a camp bed into their room and slept with them in their room, for many months. This went on for several years, and due to various other factors but this being the main one we've now separated. The children are now 10 & 12 and still share a bed with her, but not when they stay with me. Everyone I speak to about it, friends and family seem to think it's completely wrong. Yet her and her group of friends seem to think it's perfectly normal. Is it just completely different styles of parenting?

I have never co slept past very early newborn days because I got no sleep and I am still unconvinced that safe co sleeping is any different to the baby in a bedside cot tbh

On here you will see it lauded as the solution to every sleep issue known to man. Maybe for some it is, for me it’s being elbowed all night and we disturb one another.

But I do know people who ‘love it’ and would ‘really miss’ their children if they weren’t in bed with them, which I do feel is bordering on a bit odd if I’m totally honest.

My children never ever slept in our bed. Even as babies. Not one night. They grew up never knowing it was an option.
Cuddly midnight snuggles might be ok for some. But nothing beats several uninterrupted hours kip in your own bed.
I never slept in my parents’ bed either. I had teddies and blankets. My children had the same. They’re now 21 and 23 and appear unscarred. And we all enjoyed their upbringing unmarred by sleep deprivation.

I would expect it to happen with small children if they wanted to.
Odd for an adult to be insisting on it, and weird at 10 & 12. I’m surprised they still tolerate it.

My youngest made an appearance in the middle
of the night for a short while when she was about 3. My older two never did except for a morning cuddle. It was never a thing for us.

It wouldn’t have worked for me at all.

I co sleep with my 5 year old, DH usually has her single bed or the sofa. I actually sleep better next to her than next to my husband! We still manage to DTD when she’s at school (or grandparents) haha. Why exactly is it wrong?

Not for me thanks.

Mine came in occasionally when they were very small and ill.

10 & 12? 😳

I never allowed it once they were out of our room (in bedside cot). I always went to them and made sure there was a comfy chair available. I never stayed with them while they went to sleep

Totally normal in our house. Always has been and it was always normal for both my husband and I when we were kids. It never caused any sleep deprivation or any discomfort. It’s whatever a family prefers but to label it ‘odd’ like some commenting on your post is frankly ridiculous!

Nothing wrong with it at all I have done it and also when older have had a mattress on the floor next to our bed they so they just came in and went straight to sleep. We did what we had to do to get some sleep.

All mine co-slept when babies but eventually moved into their own bed after I stopped bf and/or they slept through ( though one was bribed eventually)! They are all allowed in my bed whenever they need to be even as young adults ie when they are upset or poorly , cant sleep etc. My dd was the last to climb in and that was about 6 months ago, she was 17 and felt poorly and hadn’t slept all night, and obviously thought mums hot sweats were the thing to sooth her to sleep, and she did.
Have you asked your kids if they like it?

Absolutely normal for us.
Seems ridiculous that we expect children to sleep alone when adults are allowed to share a bed with someone for comfort and company

Yes, until about 4-5 years old. Afterwards another couple of years they came in the morning for a bit of a chat as a first thing in the morning.

Cosleeping is normal in most other countries and cultures. Mine never slept in our bed as a baby or young toddler unless poorly. But at age 3 stopped sleeping through and we are now doing whatever gets us the most sleep, which involves one of us jumping into his double or him coming in our king after about 2am. He falls asleep in his own bed and room. I imagine id be happy with this for another year or so and then will look to do some gradual changes.

My children are 9&11. There were some very specific reasons why our children slept in with us at times over the last year or so. 1 child with each parent in seperate bedrooms.
We are generally getting back on track with each child sleeping in their own beds. They do sometimes choose to come in with us if they've had a nightmare or are unwell.
We'll also share beds on holidays happily.
However I'm concerned about your ex insisting the children sleep in with her at their ages if there isn't an actual reason. Interesting that the children sleep in their own beds when they are with you!

Nope not doing it and I find it bizarre that children of that age would even want to. I think it’s a dangerous practice when babies (not to mention an intimacy destroyer) and impractical when young children.

We never co-slept when DS was a baby but if my DH is away with work, my 7 year old will share the bed with me. He considers it a massive treat!

it’s one way to stop a husband pestering his wife for sex….kids in the bed tend to put and end to “that kind of thing”!

Nope. Never had kids in bed with me. They are in their 30s now and it was made clear when they were babies that you should not have them in bed with you for fear of rolling on them and smothering them. I'm startled when I hear about people co-sleeping with babies - mine were always in a Moses basket next to the bed. Also, how and when do you have sex or any kind of intimacy if there is always a child in bed with you?

I loathe sharing a bed with anyone, but particularly a squirmy toddler. When they had bad dreams occasionally one would venture into the room - and knew us well enough that they headed round the bed to their father's side. He was big and comforting and pleasant whereas I would have been cross and nasty at being woken up. Mostly because he can sleep anywhere and drop off immediately - whereas I'm an insomniac who takes hours to drop off, and if you wake me in the early hours then that is it - I'm lying awake staring resentfully at the ceiling.

I'm one of those who thinks it is odd. I much prefer to sleep alone and always did. DH and I have separate rooms now and sleep much better. No kids in the house so we can shag and then go to our separate beds!

My kids would love to sleep in my bed every night but it’s a no! If they are unwell or having bad dreams etc then of course they hop in, but no otherwise. They have to learn to be independent and that includes sleeping

Coslept with all mine. My 5yo now sleeps in their own bed all night apart from perhaps 3 times a year they feel sad or sick and come for a cuddle. Stopped co sleeping around 2.

My 3 yo has slept in their own bed since just before 2. My baby is still in bed with me but probably will be in their own bed by 2-3 yo. I love a baby in bed with me, hearing their snuffles I do it because it means no walking around a cold house at night to find a crying child. Anyway whatever works for each family!!

My 12 year old hops into my bed every night, he is a confident, sociable boy but he also wants security from me. Why would I ever deny that to my child?! They are only young for a short period of time, I am hugely grateful that he still wants that from me, we get to watch random YouTube videos and go to sleep!!

I barely want to share a bed with husband, never mind my children! The noise, the kicking, the snoring, the fidgeting, fighting over the duvet. Just no. When we go on holiday l don’t want to share a room all together with husband and children either. Oh and zero chance of me leaving the biggest bed in the house in favour of my children. It makes me laugh on here when people suggest parents give up their bedroom to sleep in the lounge, bit fat no to that as well -so lm going to have to pay for everything and squat in the lounge?!

Perfectly fine if the children want to, perfectly fine if they don’t! My last baby of 3 has just turned 3 and I love when he wants to sneak in with me, the older two don’t really anymore but If they wanted to I’d never say no

I mean, I can see why you are 'ex' now, with your attitude. Why do you think you should get to share with another adult, but tiny kids shouldn't share with their parent? Pretty sad TBH.

co-slept with each as babies. Then when ex was travelling they'd both come and sleep in with me, then when I kicked him out, they'd sleep with me, which I reduced to the weekends only, then each of them just one night (they were getting big and the bed was too crowded), then by the time the youngest was about 11, he'd dropped the idea entirely and they both sleep in their own rooms (not even sharing a room anymore)

If either are sick they're welcome to come and share my bed though, and they still would as teenagers - and if we're travelling, we'll get a triple room and one of them will share with me/they'll share with each other - which is very handy.