Bed sharing with children.

[ThatPlumSeal]

What's peoples views on children sleeping in the same bed as the parents. As a child I was always expected to stay in my own bed unless I was ill or occasionally I'd come in just before it was time to get up like Christmas or birthdays.
My ex has always insisted that both our children share our bed, when they were younger 3-5 if ever I complained I wasn't getting much sleep and it was affecting my work I'd end up on the sofa and after several days with a bad back she moved a camp bed into their room and slept with them in their room, for many months. This went on for several years, and due to various other factors but this being the main one we've now separated. The children are now 10 & 12 and still share a bed with her, but not when they stay with me. Everyone I speak to about it, friends and family seem to think it's completely wrong. Yet her and her group of friends seem to think it's perfectly normal. Is it just completely different styles of parenting?

My youngest shared a bed with me for years, but none of the others as they were content in their own bed. For most of those years I was single, so it was fine. She is an adult now, and moved to her own bed around 10-11 I think.

This with bells on.

Your DC will tell you what they need and how long they need it for.

If mine wanted to co sleep, I let them. In fact, we bought a bigger bed before the arrival of DC3, so that if needed, we could all cuddle at the same time.

I can’t imagine lying in my deathbed thinking that I wished I had stopped my DC from coming into my bed with me.

DD is 27, never coslept except occasionally when she was ill and even then that that petered out when she started school. Dh worked nights as well, so it was not borne out of intimacy, I think we just preferred our own space.

my son used to co-sleep with us and it was fine, it’s actually something I look back on very fondly.

“I can’t imagine lying in my deathbed thinking that I wished I had stopped my DC from coming into my bed with me.“

A bit dramatic

I think there is a very very wide spectrum of preferences on this and I don't think there's anything wrong with people on either side of the spectrum.

My SIL still bed-shares with her mother when she visits. There are large parts of the world where people sleep many more in more confined spaces, including bed-sharing. It's not that weird that humans, like so many other species, might enjoy sleeping together for safety or connection!

And it's also not that weird to decide you'd rather not be that close to other people breathing, wriggling, drooling, kicking.

I agree with you it's culturally rather unusual at this age in the UK, and for that reason I might not like it myself as an ex.

But what to you think to achieve by rabble-rousing your friends about something you have no standing to change?

Both of mine coslept from birth. We got them their own beds around age 3, but the 4yo still comes into our bed at some point most nights and the 7yo comes in a couple times a month. We have a superking bed so there's plenty of room.
There are a lot of very strange, Western-centric assumptions on this thread. In most of the world, bedsharing / a family bed is the norm. But in the West we manage to sexualise everything - even sleep 🥴 - so that people balk at the idea of a tween or teen in bed with a parent.