Bed sharing with children.

[ThatPlumSeal]

What's peoples views on children sleeping in the same bed as the parents. As a child I was always expected to stay in my own bed unless I was ill or occasionally I'd come in just before it was time to get up like Christmas or birthdays.
My ex has always insisted that both our children share our bed, when they were younger 3-5 if ever I complained I wasn't getting much sleep and it was affecting my work I'd end up on the sofa and after several days with a bad back she moved a camp bed into their room and slept with them in their room, for many months. This went on for several years, and due to various other factors but this being the main one we've now separated. The children are now 10 & 12 and still share a bed with her, but not when they stay with me. Everyone I speak to about it, friends and family seem to think it's completely wrong. Yet her and her group of friends seem to think it's perfectly normal. Is it just completely different styles of parenting?

DC are 15 and 11 and will still sometimes climb into bed with me when dh is on nights. DD in particular struggles to drop off, and it happens quicker when she's in with me.

My DC are welcome to climb into bed with me any time they want. It makes them feel safe and comforted and I don’t see how that can be a bad thing.

I was broadly a no on this, with some leniency when kids were eg frightened after a bad dream. Usually let them lie for a while then took them back to their own bed.

People are really different on this - I was not quite maternal enough to want to cosleep. Like I did the required 6 months BF but was then ready to stop. For me it was important my kids learned to sleep in their own beds.

These kids are about 12. It's too old.

And how can you maintain a relationship with your partner with a child(ren) in your bed?

If you’re talking about sex then we do it at other times. I’m usually too tired by the time we go to bed anyway.

I doubt i’ll be sharing with my child at age 12 but at almost 5 she still seems to want it and i am happy with it. It’s quite a lovely thing and i know it won’t last forever. It’s certainly not a disservice. She is a very confident, well rounded child.

My very nearly 3 year old starts off in her bed and then about half the time wakes in the night shouting for one of us to get her. Then she gets in our bed and says “sleep on mummy’s arm” and she snuggles in and swiftly goes to sleep. I shift her to the middle and go back to sleep. We usually have lovely morning snuggles too. It started as it was just quicker and easier to settle her in our bed as she’d massively kick off in her bed if we tried to get her back to sleep there. I do love it now. Yes ocassionally it’s annoying (last night I laid on my side and she climbed on top and fell asleep there randomly!), but overall I don’t regret it.

My 10 year old would still love to get in bed with us, but there definitely isn’t room for her. When she’s ill we put a mattress on the floor in our room, as that’s where she wants to be.

I do think it probably runs in families a bit. My parents had a big bed and loved snuggling up in there. Such lovely memories!

When I was a kid, my parents bedroom was out of bounds and it’s the same for my kids now. They have their own beds

So it’s all about you. What does your DH think about killing his back on a sofa or a child’s bed when he could be in own bed with his own wife, as is normal. As for scheduling sex for when she isn’t there, how romantic!

Not for me, I hate being too hot in bed & kids are like mini furnaces.