What is it with men?

[ToBeOrNotToBee]

Story is matched with this man, we arranged a date which became quite short because of time constraints, I was flying out the next day. There was a lot of mutual flirting and attraction and we ended up in bed not long after.

Unfortunately, he suffered a bit of ED so nothing penetrative happened. He then got quite embarrassed and before I fully realised what was happening he was dressing and left shortly after, saying this was obviously a one time thing, meanwhile I'm starkers laying in bed below him.

I text him shortly after he left when I was still thinking things through. He didn't reply all day yesterday, today I get this pretty awful message, and I just feel disgusted.

Was this him making light of the situation or does he genuinely see me as only good for pleasuring him.

What a charmer 😆

Why did you feel bad about it though? I think your kindness and understanding was misplaced with this one, but I’m sure there is a lovely man out there x

Another pornsick loser - don't feel bad about it, he's a creep.

Another porn obsessed old fart. There’s an epidemic. Forget him.

Were you looking for something serious? Based on what you have shared so far, it sounded more like a ONS/hookup?

His text appears to have the same understanding? That this is a casual fling for sex.

I would just block, move on and next time take it slower. Get to know the guy before jumping into bed.

Your text to him reads very much like an apology when you have nothing to apologise for or feel bad about:
I feel really bad about this….

Yeah while the whole encounter seems disappointing, neither of you behaved like it was relationship material?

She might have just wanted sex. Women don’t always want a relationship.
She was happy to go to bed with him on the first date and that is completely up to her and she should not be shamed for it.
Men have been doing it forever.
If he could get it up she might have had a nice time.
Sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet OP.

Unfortunately, he suffered a bit of ED so nothing penetrative happened. He then got quite embarrassed and before I fully realised what was happening he was dressing and left shortly after, saying this was obviously a one time thing, meanwhile I'm starkers laying in bed below him.

And after that, you texted him asking him to meet up for a coffee? Why on earth would you ask him FOR ANOTHER DATE? And tell him you felt bad?! He literally abandoned you in the middle of sex. How the fuck was that not a colossal red flag for you?

My favourite reply to any insult these days is ‘get well soon’ and I really like it.

I would have absolutely fuck all to do with anyone who spoke to me like that

‘You had one job mate’
And block

That isn't on OP - he is just a knob jockey.

The thing is, for those of us who have been in relationships with men over 40, ED is common and can be very tricky to navigate. Many women do feel responsible and are usually advised not to make a big deal of it because it can stem from pressure on the man. However often when you realise the man is still able to wank to porn, other people's photo's, in the shower etc, it can feel increasingly like they don't like the way you look and it becomes personal. Women get stuck in a position where they can't complain but also can't get what they need despite offering support for years, etc.

The fact men get to this age single and expect women who they haven't put any love or care into to do the same apologising really does speak volumes about society and how women are still told they are responsible for the functionality of male penis.

I think you mean blue pill ?

Shall be using this going forward, savage

Because sex isn't a tool to bargain commitment from someone.
What an utterly bizarre attitude to have.

What @freshofdablock i think is trying to convey is that sex is what men want without any effort or "coffee dates" so because you offered sex previously he thinks that's it, he doesn't need to put in any more effort to 'warm you up for it' and can ask for it.

Whether we like it or not, the fact is men like getting fun on tap without putting much effort in. However, if you hold off sex for example for a year and get to know a guy first, chance is he will have gotten to know you as well and doesn't just want sex on tap, but also your company, dates, time together etc.

Big part of heterosexual sex is that a penis goes INSIDE a woman. Inside her body. That is a lot. If I am allowing someone do that I want some commitment. That is no bargaining. Bargaining is if it could go either way. It's rule for me. No commitment, no action for you. That's my stance.
It's ok, if someone has different attitude.
You wanna a fuckbody, find a fuckbody. But in that kind of arrangement, it is only about fucking. No place, for I am feeling bad, coffee, emotional care.
You have to know what you want and what other party wants. Either it matches or not.

Very true & great points. It is amazing that we still must manage men’s feelings.

Start dating women, your love life will improve exponentially I can promise you that.

Men really do need to wise up to actually having a backup plan. It says a lot that he didn't even try to give you head to compensate or do anything to get you off. IME this is true of a lot of men. Once Mr Floppy is out why aren't they apologetic and trying to make it up? If it happens a lot, which again is my experience over men over 40, they really do need to learn another skillset.

You could’ve replied “what dick?” but probs best to just block, delete and move on

Well he doesn't really sound like he's going to be a candidate for a happy life does he, i'd just move on, i have no doubt you can do better, good luck x

@ToBeOrNotToBee I would just block and ignore but a part of me thinks a parting insult about his flacid member might be in order.