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Original poster

Dating men with kids when I am childfree

125 replies

SharpBluePoster · 27/09/2026 08:31

I am 43 and have been separated for 9 months and divorce hopefully will be finalised in November.
Have dated a few men and realised I do like the company of a man and would like another relationship at some point.

However, I chose not to have children and most men around my age have them. I have been seeing someone for 5 months and we have been taking it very slowly and I do really like him. However he has an 8 year old and a 3 year old and the 8 year old stays with him every night which means we don’t get to spend the night together which I just don’t think is for me. I have all the freedom in the world and he has to be home at 8pm every night.

i also dated another man who had his kids every other weekend which was better but even then I thought if I was with him long term I would be on my own every other weekend and he is also quite tied down.

I really value my freedom and being able to be spontaneous and spend my money on whatever I feel like and it makes me a bit sad that I will struggle to find someone in the same boat to enjoy our freedoms together!

But if I limit myself to men without kids that’s slim pickings in the 40s! Or maybe older men whose kids are older might be better……

thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 27/09/2026 15:03

You're incompatible with men with kids if what you really want is spontaneity and freedom. Men with kids are tied down unless they're deadbeats, who make shit partners.

Stick to childless men.

Adding, you're likely to be attractive to men with younger kids who are looking for women to help them raise their kids. You have more free time and income than a woman with children so be wary.

NowStartingOver · 27/09/2026 15:06

Don't bother. If you are child-free, best to find someone else who is too.

I see a lot of threads on here from women with children demanding that the men they meet are child-free. I think the child-free men are better with child-free women.

JustSetFireToIt · 27/09/2026 15:07

I’m childfree by choice and found that men with children had no time and no money, so a poor match. Even when the children go to university, the enmeshment doesn’t end.

JenniferBooth · 27/09/2026 15:12

Im child free and i wouldnt even date a man with adult kids Why?
Because of the now expectation that grandparents are expected to help with childcare
Women now have to be wary of being granny with a fanny as well as nanny with a fanny

Nevernotgoingto · 27/09/2026 15:39

I don’t know how you can have a full relationship with a man who has an 8 year old every single night, especially in the early days when you are getting to know him and not staying at each other’s places etc. That is an unusual set up.

When I was online dating I found it surprising how many men in their 50s had young children (under 5) and like a pp said, some had grandchildren. I don’t blame you for not being keen. I gave up dating as I had two dc 100% of the time and it was not fair on the men I met. I would definitely stick to child free men.

Original poster
SharpBluePoster · 27/09/2026 16:38

MsPrufrockk · 27/09/2026 12:37

Why do you want a relationship where you can never spend the night together?

When I was childfree, I only dated childfree men. Now I have a child, I only date men with children. It's your choice, but personally I think you're making your relationship more difficult.

Show quote history

I don’t.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 27/09/2026 16:43

A man who only sees his child every other weekend isn’t better. First, a good quality man would want to be more involved with his children. Second, if a man has children the schedule can change with no notice. At any point in time they could come live with him full-time. If you aren’t prepared for 24/7 children, you should not date men with dependent children.

You could date older men whose children have truly launched into adulthood. You will still have to navigate family celebrations and babysitting grandchildren, but it is not the same as parenting.

sillylittlerabbit · 27/09/2026 17:31

Did it once, then met a man without children. Worth the wait.

SortingItOut · 28/09/2026 06:50

I'm in my mid-40's and had my children young so mine are adults now.
When I was dating I noticed so many men my age had young children and I know I definitely don't want to be involved with young children.

I went older and had a relationship-lite with a guy who had the same age kids as me......
But his youngest is now having a baby with his girlfriend so soon he'll be a grandparent which is a whole other situation and one I had concerns about.
We've split now (for other reasons) and when I date again I'll either look at someone with no children or who's children are adults.

Dancingonlies · 28/09/2026 06:53

I don’t think it’s very fair on children when people who don’t like or appreciate children or even resent them get into a relationship with their parent. Mainly responsibility that falls on the parent of course. But the longer the relationship, the more you have a responsibility here too. Don’t make pain for them and yourself. Step away now.

Whoddathoughtit · 28/09/2026 07:40

SharpBluePoster · 27/09/2026 16:38

I don’t.

Show quote history

OP, please DO NOT get involved with someone who has kids, there are so many adults have relationships with people with existing kids who feel like an inconvenience and it’s heartbreaking to see. The kids know. So I think you’ve got it right, if you don’t want to be involved with someone’s kids at any point in the future then you don’t get involved with the guy

DurinsBane · 28/09/2026 07:44

You have been seeing this guy for 5 months, so 4 months after you separated from your husband. And you mentioned a guy you were seeing before that. Maybe you need to take time to heal from your separation? It all seems quite quick after your marriage ending.

Candlesniffin · 28/09/2026 07:45

Userengage · 27/09/2026 09:36

Childfree men all the way, girl. I have children and there is so much drama.

Same, I'm enough of a hypocrit that after divorce I went for childfree men because I'd be a shit stepmum, and my poor partner has to deal with all the drama from my kids and babydaddy 🙈 I also come from a blended family and there's still drama UP the chain to this day. I hate it all so much.

Just don't do it!

Nutmuncher · 28/09/2026 07:47

Hold out for a fellow child free guy OR someone that has adult kids who have their own lives. The last thing you want to be dealing with is the mundane drudgery of someone’s kids and their mum lurking in the background.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 28/09/2026 08:00

I wouldn’t either op!

(I say that as someone with a husband who has a kid) he was 5 when we met

however his ex and child lived in a Sweden - so he had his child for chunks of time in school
hols rather than a every or every other weekend

this suited me fine as I was happy to have chunks of time to myself and to plan trips and things with my friends at those times

Sally2791 · 28/09/2026 08:06

Grown up kids will mean grandchildren likely at some point. I think child free men would suit you best.

GreyCarpet · 28/09/2026 08:28

I have two children and I chose not to date men with children too.

I didn't find it reduced the pool massively.

I did eventually begin a relationship with a man who has adult children. Our children are all in their 20s and get on well. But I had no interest at all in dating a man with young/teenage children. Just way too much drama.

Blueberrymuffin8 · 28/09/2026 19:06

Men can't be alone, need the next woman to look after him and his kids. It turns my stomach.

Sodthesystem · 28/09/2026 19:53

I can’t even find someone I like as is, before even factoring in the fact I’m also childfree lol. I mean I think if I found someone I actually fancied and they had a kid, I’d just make a point of never moving in with them.

Are you absolutely sure he is separated? Just checking.

I’d also be wary of men who have young kids and are dating. Like that child would have been 2.5 when you started dating. When did he leave the mum? And presumably this is the second failed relationship he has had a child with. Be judgy af when it comes to the possible risks. Protect yourself.

I think…when the fun stops, stop. You already know he’s not a keeper cause if you moved in with him you’d have to play stepmom. So if this doesn’t work for you anymore then chuck him back.

Sodthesystem · 28/09/2026 19:57

Also…I’m mid thirties and I’ve never dated a man who has kids (well, as far as I know lol). Like, it’s just worked out that way. I think quite a lot don’t have children. To be fair though, the worry is they might still want kids. But meh, you can just dump them if and when they decide they do. So long as you know your own mind and won’t get talked into it.

Fuschiagreen · 28/09/2026 19:58

Childfree and never dated men with (under age 21) children - no point being childfree if you’re going to get involved with someone else’s..

minniewin · 28/09/2026 19:59

Run, very fast.

Themoonisntaballoon · 28/09/2026 20:01

MythologyWriter · 27/09/2026 09:00

Like you said slim pickings if you restrict yourself to childless men. I say adult children only.

When I was divorced and dating I said 'no dependent children'.
I am now remarried to a guy who didn't have any children, so they do exist !

Original poster
SharpBluePoster · 28/09/2026 20:28

Sodthesystem · 28/09/2026 19:53

I can’t even find someone I like as is, before even factoring in the fact I’m also childfree lol. I mean I think if I found someone I actually fancied and they had a kid, I’d just make a point of never moving in with them.

Are you absolutely sure he is separated? Just checking.

I’d also be wary of men who have young kids and are dating. Like that child would have been 2.5 when you started dating. When did he leave the mum? And presumably this is the second failed relationship he has had a child with. Be judgy af when it comes to the possible risks. Protect yourself.

I think…when the fun stops, stop. You already know he’s not a keeper cause if you moved in with him you’d have to play stepmom. So if this doesn’t work for you anymore then chuck him back.

Edited

I think the 3 year old is nearly 4, she was 3 when we first met. Both kids with the same mum. I know he is separated (they never married) as I have spent a lot of time at his house, there is no woman living there :) The mum left him he says. Which also makes me question things because why would a woman with two young children leave a good man…? Yeah, I need to run :)

OP posts:
JellIa · 28/09/2026 20:30

I genuinely think that men with children are the least attractive category of people to date for any woman.