Wedding costs - who pays for what!?

[blistering]

I am preparing for my marriage with my long term and was wondering about expenses and who pays for what etc. I know this is clearly a personal matter and down to the individual couple but am curious to know how other couples have done it.

So in most cases, to start with the engagement ring would be purchased solely by the man. There are some couples who do actually share the cost is that right?

What about other stuff/expenses in relation to who pays for stuff -
e.g. honeymoon (is this generally shared?)

The other tradition that I'm aware of is that whilst most men pay for the engagement ring, at the very least the couple should pay for each other rings, is that correct? Is it fair to expect the man to pay for the engagement ring and both the wedding rings?

Also I hear that the father or family of the bride, again traditionally, foots the bill mostly for the entire wedding (venue etc.). I'm just going on western tradition here, so not making any judgements or opinions either way. I'm just curious as to how you (if you are married or have got married or are getting married like myself) navigates finances and funding and who pays for what....

My DB married his long term partner we didn't even know until after the event.

Presumably this is intended to just be rage bait ?

I got married 30 years ago so things have probably changed a lot since then but this is how we did it (we didn't ask anyone help; they all offered):

My DH paid for the engagement ring; we each paid for the wedding rings
I paid for my own wedding dress and accessories.
My mum paid for my sister's and niece's bridesmaids dresses and MIL paid for the other bridesmaids dresses (DH's stepsisters)
My FIL helped pay for the reception
My Dad paid for the honeymoon
We paid for the photographer, videographer and DJ
DH, the best man, ushers, my Dad and FIL all paid for their own suits (hired)
DH paid for the cars
I paid for the flowers
The cake was gifted to us
All other expenses were covered by both of us

We’re getting married later this year and probably won’t tell anyone about it either before or after the event.

The only person we will tell will be the solicitor who updates our wills.

Sorry…I’m not ‘being silly’ I see many people asking for donations to charity in place of birthday crap.

DH bought my engagement ring and wedding rings came out of our joint account (we’d been together 8 years and living together for 5 before we married). My Nan & Grandad (who raised me) paid for our wedding venue, 2 weeks all inclusive 5* in Jamaica for our honeymoon and for my wedding dress. My Mum paid for my veil and hairband. My Dad paid for our photographer. We paid for everything else like bridesmaids, the suits, hair and make up, evening buffet, DJ and flowers.

You pay for the wedding yourselves. Offers to help may come in, but ultimately, it's your day, so you pay.

You presume incorrectly. Getting married is an important, and if you've chosen correctly ( a property developer who just happens to own a six bedroom house in the middle of leafy Warwickshire) then the least he can do is to bank roll the wedding.

Being poor is a bit like being short or being, shudder, kind - very undesirable. It's s bit like finding out the man your marrying has not got a criminal record, what a passion killer.

We had a fairly small wedding, by our own choice. 22 guests to the day, then 150 to the evening. My husband bought my engagement ring and then nearly every single other cost we paid for ourselves out of our joint money. We pool our money each month. My dad did surprise us with a generous gift of cash which we used to pay off our honeymoon, though we didn’t need it and would never have asked. And he did end up paying for the groomsmen’s suits on the day they went out to try some on. He didn’t tell anyone, he just snuck off to pay the cashier and so when my husband went to pay, found it was done already 🤣 my dad would rather do things like that.
My mum is no longer with us but if she had been then I know she’d have offered to pay for my dress. My dad would have if I’d asked, but we had it planned so didn’t need the help. So while we ended up having a little help with suits and the honeymoon, we’d originally had those costs covered and had no plans to ask anyone. When it came to the wedding rings we went out shopping together to pick ones we liked and just paid for them out of joint money.

Like the pp said, ragebait. Colour-by-numbers ragebait.

Most of my childrens friends arrange their own wedding, parents if able give a fixed contribution. ( that varies between a few hundred and £5k). Alternatively they pay for a specific thing, eg brides dress.
Bloke buys engagement ring, if they get one, not all do that/bother. Not sure about wedding rings.

My husband bought my engagement ring (as although we had talked about it the engagement was a surprise) and I bought him a gold necklace afterwards as he already had a signet ring. My mum and dad bought my dress. We paid for everything else jointly. We opened a joint account and put money into it and chose the things we did / had together, the same for the honeymoon. It was however a long time ago 😂

We gave each of our sons a cheque for several thousand pounds. They had the choice as to how much to spend on the wedding, how much as wedding presents and how much towards honeymoon. One couple came in under budget for the wedding, the other had to add some to the cost of their wedding. Entirely their choice. I will grant that we are very lucky to be able to afford this.