Wedding costs - who pays for what!?

[blistering]

I am preparing for my marriage with my long term and was wondering about expenses and who pays for what etc. I know this is clearly a personal matter and down to the individual couple but am curious to know how other couples have done it.

So in most cases, to start with the engagement ring would be purchased solely by the man. There are some couples who do actually share the cost is that right?

What about other stuff/expenses in relation to who pays for stuff -
e.g. honeymoon (is this generally shared?)

The other tradition that I'm aware of is that whilst most men pay for the engagement ring, at the very least the couple should pay for each other rings, is that correct? Is it fair to expect the man to pay for the engagement ring and both the wedding rings?

Also I hear that the father or family of the bride, again traditionally, foots the bill mostly for the entire wedding (venue etc.). I'm just going on western tradition here, so not making any judgements or opinions either way. I'm just curious as to how you (if you are married or have got married or are getting married like myself) navigates finances and funding and who pays for what....

We had a small and fairly informal wedding quite young, and our parents spilt the cost of the reception between them; my family paid for my dress, and myself and my partner paid for the registry office, the rings and the honeymoon.
It all depends what you want, how expensive it is, and how able people are to pay. If you're 35 and have lived independently of your parents for years and suddenly want a big expensive party for your friends, it's a bit much to expect parents to pay. If you're 25 and are willing to cut costs by hiring the local village hall and inviting family friends, then it feels more reasonable that parents pay a share, if they can afford to.

We paid what we could afford.

My husband got my engagement ring very simple and inexpensive. (We did replace all rings
later in our marriage as lovely as the rings where it was always said it was temporary rings)

We paid for our wedding , very simple and small, My Mum offered to pay for my dress. My godmother did pay for the buffet and family member made my cake.

As parents of two children, I’ve said to both we would be happy to help financially. They would need to save for the type of wedding they wanted we wouldn’t pay for it.

We did it the old fashioned way in that we didn’t live together prior, we bought a house and stayed in it the odd weekend while we were decorating and furnishing it, but we only moved in after our honeymoon. So we also had an old fashioned registry full of things we needed for our home, family and friends bought us gifts by visiting or calling John Lewis and selecting something from our list. Seems other worldly now, but it was the late 90s.

My parents paid for our whole wedding. My in laws paid for the honeymoon. I’d been left a couple of thousand by a great aunt that she’d specified was to be used for all of the flowers. My husband had bought the engagement ring and my wedding ring. His wedding ring is in grandmother’s, so no cost there.

It very different now, almost 30 years on. It’s the norm to get married years after moving in together and after having had kids. There’s no way I’d expect or want my parents to pay for a wedding in this scenario.

Parent paid for my wedding (only child), DH’s family paid for booze. While I was careful to make savings as far as possible to keep the costs down, it still cost a packet!

Now I can’t help but think how useful that money would have been later to help our kids etc. It was a great day but so unimportant in the grand scheme of a long marriage and family. If I had to do it all again, I’d do registry office/pub and stick the savings in ISAs for the kids, or go on some amazing family holiday!

I don’t know anyone whose father paid. We paid for our own wedding, my dh bought the engagement ring. My mum paid for the dress.

My sister dh is Chinese and she had a massive wedding paid for eventually by the guests who give money in red envelopes as wedding presents which paid for the fourteen course meal and everything else.

Didn’t have an engagement ring

the cost of everything came from a joint account which at the time we contributed into 50/50

his family paid for flowers and a cake
mine got some beer and champagne

And I think the cost was something like 10% of the average wedding cost at the time

There’s no right or wrong way to do it.

My husband bought my engagement ring, then we split everything to do with the wedding three ways between us and our parents. It was a big wedding and they were keen to contribute (and invite some of their friends!). There was no expectation from us, we had budgeted to do it ourselves.

We paid for the honeymoon as a couple - this didn’t come out of the wedding budget (we did it a year later which worked nicely for us as meant we could save).

I married by long term partner (10+ years together), already had kids and a house. We paid for everything out of our joint bank account. I don’t have an engagement ring. Parents from both sides gave some money towards our honeymoon.

Small wedding less than 30 people.

DH bought my engagement ring, but other then that we jointly saved for everything else together. We were living together so by that point had shared finances anyway.

Whoever asks buys the engagement ring, everything else comes out of joint funds of the bride and groom.
we decided buying a house was a bigger priority than a party so did super low key with just 2 witnesses and friends met us down the pub afterwards

My husband paid for the engagement ring, I paid for my dress (it was just a dress from Coast, not a wedding dress), we split everything else between us. My parents chipped in a couple of hundred pounds in cash each, my in-laws slaughtered a bullock and we had the roast sirloin as one of our wedding breakfast optons. They wanted to pay for the whole meal for everyone, but I declined, I think.

Seems these days that couples expect the guests to pay for the wedding….and contribute to the honeymoon!

My DD was married 3 years ago. Her husband paid for the rings, I paid for her dress, the bridesmaids’ dresses, made a contribution towards the wedding venue and catering as did her husband’s parents. The couple paid for the celebrant, the entertainment and the cake. Weddings vary as do people’s financial circumstances, so I don’t believe there’s a right or wrong way with costs.

I think that the idea of the bride's father paying for the wedding is very outdated. I would be surprised if anyone still expected that to happen. I assume that the tradition grew out of the practice of providing a dowry for brides.

These days, most couples have been working for years (and often living together) before getting married so I would expect them to save up and pay jointly for a wedding.

It's nice if one or both sets of parents offer to contribute but I don't think that it should be an expectation.

IMO asking for a contribution to the honeymoon is awful. If you already have a house full of appliances, tea towels etc and you know guests will want to give a gift, suggest your favourite charity instead.

You cent get married for £62.

It really does depend on families, my mum and dad paid for the big day, I paid for my dress my husband paid for the honeymoon, my in laws paid for the photographer and cake and my brother did the flowers as he works in a similar field.

We were both orphans when we got wed, and I don't wear rings so no engagement ring - wedding rings were our parents/grandparents reused as neither of us wear rings!

Most couples pay for the wedding themselves these days, some parental contribution is great obviously but does leave you open to interference!
DH bought my engagement ring and proposed on holiday, but again many couples choose the ring together theses days. We each bought each other's wedding rings. I paid for my dress, bridesmaid dresses and hair, he paid for suit hire for best man and ushers. We paid for their gifts.
My parents and PIL did give us a chunk of money but then felt they should have influence on the guest list and other things.
We got married 24 years ago, younger colleagues and friends seem to do it alone generally

We paid for it all ourselves. Combined finances so money in one pot.

There is no tradition to call upon here.

The traditions came from the times where people getting marries were relatively more similar to each other (rather young couples, women earning less than men).

Now financing the wedding is an exercise in communication, which has it's own value.

The default is that the couple starts from what they can arrange together and get some rough idea.
Than they can talk about their intentions with their parents (or other relevant close people who have money and had shown some inclination to take care of your life - grandparents, godparents, childless uncles, caring much older siblings) and ask/see whether they offer to help with funding.
Some may offer to cover one area, or give some sum of money as an early wedding gift towards the wedding.

If any tradition is in play, it will be on the side of the one offering money, not the couple finding some "tradition" to use to expect money.

46 for legal plus around 60 for the registry office I think is the minimum these days

My adult DC know I will pay for honeymoon but nothing else. I would prefer it if they just eloped tbh but obviously it’s their (joint) decision.

I think weddings are a disgusting waste of money.

First time round no engagement ring, bought each others' wedding rings, my mum paid for my dress, I mostly paid for everything else but was low-key so not ££££ (should have seen the signs of things to come)

Second time around I have a very lovely (and completely unexpected) sparkly ring bought by my dfiance, he doesn't want a wedding ring (fine with me), I'll buy my dress, everything else is split between us, shared party, shared expenses. Any sort of honeymoon will be a joint expense to somewhere we both plan rather than some tropical dream destination because that's some sort of societal expectation.

In this day and age when you're going into a partnership I can't get my head round he pays for this, I pay for that - it's a joint event to celebrate your togetherness - you pay together for the party you can both afford surely?

I can imagine folk experiencing a LOT of pressure from parents if they contribute - that's the price you pay I guess if you want a ££££ wedding that's out of your own budget.