Wedding costs - who pays for what!?

[blistering]

I am preparing for my marriage with my long term and was wondering about expenses and who pays for what etc. I know this is clearly a personal matter and down to the individual couple but am curious to know how other couples have done it.

So in most cases, to start with the engagement ring would be purchased solely by the man. There are some couples who do actually share the cost is that right?

What about other stuff/expenses in relation to who pays for stuff -
e.g. honeymoon (is this generally shared?)

The other tradition that I'm aware of is that whilst most men pay for the engagement ring, at the very least the couple should pay for each other rings, is that correct? Is it fair to expect the man to pay for the engagement ring and both the wedding rings?

Also I hear that the father or family of the bride, again traditionally, foots the bill mostly for the entire wedding (venue etc.). I'm just going on western tradition here, so not making any judgements or opinions either way. I'm just curious as to how you (if you are married or have got married or are getting married like myself) navigates finances and funding and who pays for what....

We refused parental help and had a big wedding.
If you allow others to pay you have to allow a say and that’s tricky.

My now husband bought my engagement ring. My mum bought my dress, veil and accessories and his parents contributed some money but we paid for the vast majority of it. We had been saving and had a two year engagement to be able to afford it.

My godfather paid for everything to do with the wedding. We didn’t have engagement or wedding rings and DH and I paid for the honeymoon.

Other than the engagement ring, if it’s a surprise, then everything split equally surely?

I’d start off with paying for it all (excluding engagement ring, which is a gift from husband to be) yourself (you’re a grown-up - I presume - after all). With yourself = the couple. No point debating his / hers at this stage given finances will become legally joint anyway. Enjoy your wedding!

My DH paid for my engagement ring, we both paid for the wedding rings, my parents paid for the wedding (with no control over the day) and DH and I paid for the honeymoon but my parents contributed and we put money we received from wedding gifts towards it too

We just paid for everything together, a bit from savings, a bit from selling an asset of DHs, a bit with a joint loan. My godmother bought my dress. You’re getting married it’s all both of your money now.

We’ve spent £62 all in so the question of who pays what hasn’t really been discussed at length yet.

We’ve been married for 40 years. We saved together and paid for everything out of that and also our honeymoon. We got a lot of money gifts, but we didn’t need them to pay for the wedding.

When our DD married a few years ago, we gave them a set amount (it ended up covering the whole reception) and they jointly paid for everything else.

These days most people live together first, and want to decide on their own things, so the old idea of the bride's father (!) paying for everything isn't really done now.
It's probably easier just to split costs-you and your partner could set up an account just for the wedding you put money in, then buy everything from that.

If family want to offer, they should, but if you feel they might be scared of looking pushy, you could invite them to wedding fairs/talk about it, so they will hopefully offer if they want to-I wouldn't want to ask, it could look cheeky! If you're taking mum and MIL to dress shop, you might find they want to contribute. Obviously not saying take them just for that reason, but inviting them makes it clear you're happy for input.

DH bought the engagement ring, everything else we paid for between us. My parents were not in a position to pay for anything and it would not have occurred to MIL to offer.

I wouldn’t have expected anyone else to pay though. We had been living together for years, not anyone else’s job to pay for our party.

Traditionally the brides father paid because girls didn’t have any money and they were being ‘given away’, not relevant now.

I don’t have an engagement ring, neither of us had wedding rings, and we both paid for everything ourselves, split equally.

MY DDs and their husbands paid for a lot of the costs themselves. I made a contribution and provided the cake and other bits. They had generous godparents who helped. My sister, on the other hand, is sufficiently well placed that she and her DH paid for her DD’s weddings. OP, I think it depends entirely on family circumstances as to who pays for what, and how big the wedding is. My DS’s wedding was paid for by him and his bride, with a huge chunk coming from her parents, and a contribution from me.

Bottom line is the couple look at their budget and what they have, and are prepared to spend on the day, then plan the wedding within that budget.
That might mean cutting cloth, that might mean saving for another year, or (and I wouldn't advise it) that might mean going in to debt.

Some couples are lucky enough that their parents give them generous gifts towards costs. Sometimes that is phrased as "I'd like to pay for X or Y" and sometimes it is an amount for the couple to use as they will.

Some couples are even luckier and have the whole thing paid for by parents, but that is much less usual in 21st Century than it was in 20th Century.

But, every couple arranges their finances differently. Some people pool everything and some like separate finances. Arising from separate finances, many couples with set up a wedding fund and put money into an account for spending on their wedding.

There's no right or wrong way. You talk about it together and work out what is best for you.

I have had 2 weddings - 1st wedding both sets of parents contributed but we chose to use most of that towards a house and have a cheaper wedding which was within the budget that we could afford between us.
second wedding, again, we chose and organised a wedding that was perfect for us that was within our joint budget.
for both occasions, we were already partners so there wasn’t any of the - he paid for those, I paid for that kind of thing. If you’re getting married, surely you’re a team already and money is generally pooled.

There is no set protocol for this, no rule book, it’s what works for each couple.

Split all costs down the middle, or if you parents are rich enough they might pitch in, or you might elope and do it for the price of a licence.

The father of the bride paying is an old tradition and not so common now that couples often live together first and are both working. Also, weddings were either in a church or registry office, and not pimped up for Insta, so we're a lot less expensive.

Parents on both sides may make a contribution, but I'm not sure how common it is for families to pay large amounts any more. I have two DDs and, being widowed, I certainly won't be paying for their weddings, just making a contribution to certain things.

From recent experience and family members. The parents on both sides make a contribution of what they can afford and the bridge and groom pay rest.

First marriage my parents paid for most of it and we’re still paying for it 2 years after we divorced. Second marriage we paid for it all although both sets of parents gave us £1000 and we paid our open bar bill with it. Second marriage was last knocking a in a registry office and a massive evening party straight after Covid so first time everyone had seen eachother in years. Was the best party I’ve ever been to. A girl at work just spent 80k on her wedding well her parents did. What a waste of money. My ex partner had 800 people at his wedding I don’t even know 800 people. My husband bought my engagement ring but even then that rule of thumb was questionable as I proposed to him on leap year! I guess if you have money to waste on what is around an 8 hour day from start to finish then waste it but the thought of ever paying stupid amounts of money for everyone to have a sit down meal and a party sends me loco now. The best weddings I’ve been to are not the ones with the sit down meal for sure. I love being the guest in the evening myself.

We paid for our own wedding. He bought my engagment ring, I bought my wedding ring , he used his late fathers ring

We did pay towards our daughter's wedding - the venue and meal. She and DH to be paid the registrar, photographer and band and the hire of the groom and groomsmen suits Her aunt made the cake as her gift, her mother paid for the dress

There's really no set rules.

Most couples live together before marriage these days so essentially they share the costs of everything, parents may contribute but rarely do they foot the bill for today’s extravagant weddings. We are giving dsd enough money to cover the ceremony, drinks and a finger buffet i think they have settled on plus a modest cake at the ceremony venue but the later party, fancier food, dj, custom dress etc is on them.

my parents paid for my first wedding but it was church followed by a reception in their garden and I catered it myself so only cost £1500 was really cheap even 25 years ago.

I think these days the couple plan on spending what they can jointly afford. Parents or Grandparents may offer to contribute (or I guess pay for it all if they are wealthy) but this certainly isn’t expected these days and you should wait for them to offer.

If the engagement was a surprise I’d expect the person asking to pay for a ring. But if a mutual decision to get married and depending on circumstances this could be a shared cost. It’s really up to the couple.

Completely agree with @Summerbay23 Remember that the traditions around paying for weddings were formed when people typically married much younger, often straight from their parents’ home (the woman in any case) and, for certain parts of society, at a time when many women were prevented from working and had to rely on family money for income. I don’t think most modern couples really expect other people to fund their wedding.

Currently in this process planning a tiny do (parents and siblings only due to insanely complicated fall outs within both families)

DP bought my ring

My mum would like to buy my dress but I want something super simple and she doesn’t like anything I like and I might just tell her to forget it at this rate. My sister had a gown that cost thousands and she loved shopping for that, she’d disappointed she won’t get the same experience with me I think!

We (me and DP) will split the cost of the ceremony and take everyone out to a very posh gastropub in the evening

In Australia in 2004 so not sure if that makes any difference. My parents paid for the cars and the reception meal. I paid for the band, the invitations, my dress, photographer, flowers, hair, make up, DH’s ring and honeymoon. This was supposed to be spit between me and my DH but when it come to the crunch he didn’t pay because he was skint. We pooled finances on day one of our marriage so at the time I thought it wasn’t a big deal. DH paid for my rings. His groomsman paid for hasDH’s suit hire because he was so broke but I didn’t know until after. My PIL gave us 2k as a contribution to offset everything but after the wedding as a gift. We didn’t know it was coming and it would have been super handy before hand for planning.

I felt very luck about my parent’s help but it also put me under a fair bit of pressure to make them happy. I actually wished we could have just got married privately on our own but DH wanted something big.

It was typical in my circles for the bride and groom’s family to go 50:50 with the reception costs that my parents paid but my in laws didn’t offer and it was super awkward. I think that DH should have spoken to them but I’m sure why he flaked.

Biggest problem was communication and the lack of clarity.