Wedding costs - who pays for what!?

[blistering]

I am preparing for my marriage with my long term and was wondering about expenses and who pays for what etc. I know this is clearly a personal matter and down to the individual couple but am curious to know how other couples have done it.

So in most cases, to start with the engagement ring would be purchased solely by the man. There are some couples who do actually share the cost is that right?

What about other stuff/expenses in relation to who pays for stuff -
e.g. honeymoon (is this generally shared?)

The other tradition that I'm aware of is that whilst most men pay for the engagement ring, at the very least the couple should pay for each other rings, is that correct? Is it fair to expect the man to pay for the engagement ring and both the wedding rings?

Also I hear that the father or family of the bride, again traditionally, foots the bill mostly for the entire wedding (venue etc.). I'm just going on western tradition here, so not making any judgements or opinions either way. I'm just curious as to how you (if you are married or have got married or are getting married like myself) navigates finances and funding and who pays for what....

If you've been together a long while surely you would just pay for the wedding yourselves? Do you share money or have separate?
I think if you buy an engagement ring the man buys it for the lady.
I would never expect the girls parents to pay, thats an old tradition. I have 2 sons and we will pay towards their weddings when the time comes.
That said I have been married twice and each time my parents paid but they offered, I didnt ask. First time they paid for everything except the men's suits and honeymoon. My ex in laws gave us £100 (not because they were poor but they said no one paid for their wedding so why should they pay for ours). Second time my parents paid for the hotel reception and evening and we paid for everything else. My in laws gave is £100.

We get married in 3 weeks! My dad generously offered us £15k. I think he thought that would more than cover everything, he hasn't been to a wedding in 20 years so didn't know how much quite how prices had gone up. We ended up using £9.5k from him to pay the package for our venue and we have paid for everything else, saving £500 a month each into a joint account. His parents haven't given us anything but have promised us £1k towards honeymoon.

We paid for everything ourselves. Apart from my shoes, my dad bought them but it was spur of the moment as we were passing a display and they were £50.

But our wedding was a 50-person affair, town hall (which admittedly is beautiful inside and out), antique ring, eBay dress (not white not traditional), reception was lunch and that's it, I didn't want a band and dancing etc. Paid for our own honeymoon. I don't like being the centre of attention and we'd been together 12 years, so small and unfussy was the way for us.

I get how miserly that sounds to many, but if I were to do it again it'd be smaller or I'd elope. What suits one couple doesn't suit another.

Most weddings I've been to were traditional white church ones paid for with a mix of funds from the couple and parents. The best was at the royal military academy at Sandhurst, the bride designed her dress and the 3 bridesmaids', she wore Gucci shoes (they all looked amazing!) and she let slip it was a 55k wedding 😱 it was great fun and funded by a variety of ways, but fuck my face that's a lot of cash!

Anyhoo. I think traditions come and go: who pays, who walks down the aisle, who gives the speech, some old/new/borrowed/blue, throwing the bouquet or the garter <boak> , changing surnames... The list is endless. It's very personal who chooses to do what/pay for what.

Our kids will have to pay for their own weddings cos we're not well off in the slightest! Driving lessons, uni fees, deposits for a house/flat? LOL how the other half live!

We bought each others’ rings and planned to pay for the wedding, although my wonderful parents stepped in at the last minute and covered the cost. MIL
generously paid for the flowers and they were beautiful.

What my parents did was clever because it meant we planned the wedding we wanted and could afford, without either worrying that things would be too expensive for them to pay for (or thinking “hooray, someone else is paying” and going large.) Also it meant they weren’t controlling of the invite list at any point (not that they would have been but many parents are.

I agree with this - it made sense when the cost of keeping the woman was transferred from the father to the husband but most marrriages are a bit more modern these days.

We had a small family and close friends only wedding. My husband bought my engagement ring (no input from me and I still love it). We paid for the registry office and registrar, my bouquet and our rings but my parents paid for the meal and overnight accommodation for them and me the night before. There was no evening do but my side of the family had a meal and drinks because they don't get together very often. We paid for our honeymoon. My parents wanted to pay but let me plan everything (there would have been a little of things we didn't want if they'd been in charge!) We had the wedding we wanted and my parents had a much smaller bill than they expected.

We had already been together years so it all just came out of our joint savings with the exception of what parents paid for and the engagement ring.

When we got married, DH purchased my engagement ring, we share the costs of the wedding rings.
Our wedding was funded 30% DH’s parents, 30% my DM who passed away 3 months before the wedding and 40% by us jointly.
DH and I paid for the honeymoon ourselves.

the parental contributions were offered, never expected, and were given with no demands

Ideally, you both pay. And leave anyone else out if it. 👍

Husband bought engagement ring.

my mum bought my dress.

we jointly paid for everything else ourselves.

We’d already been living together for a few years so it was all coming from our joint account anyway. We decided a budget and went from there

As the bread winner I pretty much paid for everything.

DH and I paid for the other's rings, of course, also our wedding and honeymoon. Would never have expected my parents to, this is an out of date tradition and not fair. Our parents gifted us some money towards it, which was lovely, but not anticipated.

Be prepared to pay for everything as a couple, then if either family offers anything it's a bonus. My partners parents gave us 5k to spend as we choose.

If parents pay for it, be prepared for them to want to call the shots. A friend of ours had hers paid for by her family and the guest list was mainly their friends etc, but what could they say really as the parents paid for it

Never heard that before. It used to be that the bride’s parents paid for the actual wedding but that’s very unfair imo. Nowadays couple pay for themselves with parents helping if they can.

Married 12 years
he paid for the engagement ring as I didn’t even know I was being proposed to
we did already live together and have a child
my parents paid for the all the food and drinks through the sit down dinner and the food for the evening
his mum gave us £500 I think
and his grandparents gave a small amount

and then we just paid everything else between us
we had a joint account and seperate accounts
so whoever has money paid for it
I bought my own dress and all the bridesmaids dresses and all of their hair and make up

we didn’t actually have a honeymoon
but we have been on several trips just the 2 of of us since then

Why should the man be expected to pay and not the woman?

Love this! That's what I would have wanted but dh wouldn't let me get away with it so we spent around 3000£ for restaurant meal for family and some close friends.

My husband and I went halves on venue, food, photo/video, and the venue decor. We went against tradition and paid for our own rings. My logic was, I don't want to feel guilty asking for something that costs a bit more (we earn the same). So I'd rather pay for my own then have free reign. My parents wanted to contribute, so they paid for the celebrant, the ceilidh duo and my flowers. I paid for bridesmaid dresses and hair styling, he paid for groomsman suits. Then I got my dress in a bridal shop sample sale. I paid half of it, and a couple of female friends chipped in cos they were a bit stumped at what to get for a present and they thought me looking bang tidy for my husband was as good a gift as any lollll. So that was our non-conventional divvying up of expenses!

Traditionally the brides family pays for everything but its a very outdated idea these days. We had a chunk of money from his parents, plus they paid for an evening buffet, and my hair do cos his Mum and i went together on the morning. My Mum paid for my dress, the flower girls dresses, part of the food, she gave me an allowance for lingerie and accessories and her partner provided the music. My 'something borrowed' was my cousins veil. We paid for the venue, the rest of the food, the flowers, gifts for bridal party and goodie packs for kids. We bought ties and cufflinks for groom, best man, my brother and FOTG, we told them to wear their own suit, the grownup bridesmaid bought her own dress, she did her own hair and makeup, I did my own makeup.

I bought my dress annd accessories and my mum in law gave me money for bridesmaid dresses. DH bought his shoes, suit etc. Flowers came from mum in laws allotment and sil bought a cake. We paid for the food, room and registry office between us. I bought our rings. Really it just came down to family wanting to do things and we paid for stuff as we went along with whoever had their card out at the time

oh and I paid for hair and make up for myself and bridesmaids and bought them gifts. DH bought gifts for the mums

husband bought engagement ring. He said in the shop they kept calling it ‘the investment’ 😂
wedding bands bought from joint accounts.
both sets of parents helped us out but I know we are extremely lucky with that. Grooms parents paid towards the venue, my parents paid for my dress (not an expensive one) and flowers. Everything else paid from our joint cards. Instead of gifts we asked for voluntary contributions towards a honeymoon. Also I will add we had a simple local wedding, most people didn’t need to travel far, could take public transport. I think if you have a destination wedding where people have to pay for travel and hotels you shouldn’t expect them to pay for anything on the day or for gifts

Long term partners you pay for everything out of joint funds surely. It's too late to expect parents of the bride to pay and I assume you already have joint finances to some extent.

My sibling got married recently - parents of the bridge for the wedding and the dress, sibling and partner paid for each others' rings, and the honeymoon was paid for by wedding guests / friends / family (they asked for donations to honeymoon fund instead of wedding gifts)