Am I overthinking staying over after my friend's comments about him?

[Clubsoda1]

I’ve met a guy through some friends and I really like him and the chemistry is amazing. Really funny, engaging (although a bit weird), and really good looking too.
My friend has known him for a few years which I think is a good sign. Him and I have been messaging a bit and when I told our mutual friends she was all excited but she said a few weird things but because she was a bit tipsy I don’t know if she was joking (basically alluding that he is a nice but horny bloke I think).

He did invite some of us over to his new place and also offered me to stay over as I live quite far away so it would be difficult to get back home. He’s not given me any reason to be suspicious and even said that I can have my own room but I’m a bit hesitant now following my friend’s comments. I think I’ll ask her about those tomorrow but I’m a bit annoyed with myself to be questioning things just because of some comments.

As I said he seems really nice but I don’t want to be stuck with someone who will expect me to have sex even if I’ve said that I won’t be doing anything and just sleep over. I’m not even ruling out that I want to do something but I wanted to lay the foundation that I won’t so there won’t be any expectation.

Yes I know that I’m probably making this 10 times more complicated than it needs to be but that’s unfortunately how my brain works and I have a habit of self sabotaging.

But, respectfully, that's a very poor basis on which to stay overnight in the house of a virtual stranger whom you have met twice in a group before now -- and this same friend you say knows him also said 'a few weird things about him', about him being 'horny'. The fact that it didn't appear to occur to you that it was not a good idea to stay over in the house of a virtual stranger, and that you noted approvingly that the guy 'didn't argue' about it (!??) suggest you are unusually naive and gullible.

So I’m naive, gullible and “desperate”? Lovely. Especially the part part. I know where I won’t be asking for advice again.

This. I was in my 40 s when I met DH but he didn’t know where I lived for 4 dates and he certainly didn’t stay over or vice versa until I was ready and he left it up to me. I think it was about 3-4 months!

You’re none of those things, ignore the nasty posters on here, there’s plenty of them and they seem to enjoy making people feel rubbish

@Clubsoda1 - you stayed over in circumstances which made perfect sense - your friend and her husband stayed over too so why would you have left? You say you enjoyed Sunday. That all sounds great. Obviously, we all exercise our own judgment as to when we first enter a bedroom with a man - some people might take months to get to that point but many of us get there somewhat sooner. You clearly weren't born yesterday. As long as you trust your own instincts on this and ensure you can get away if you need to (e.g. phone charged; car or money for a cab etc), hopefully this can continue to unfold enjoyably.

Thanks 💗
I don’t use that much time but I don’t want to be rushed or put under pressure which is why I had been unsure. Thanks for all the helpful advice

I’m 29, but I’m still not sure why this is relevant. He is ten years older than me (which I’m sure will please some people who want to have a go at me - not meaning you personally btw). I’ve had relationships before and I know that sometimes things don’t work out that way.

I was going to stay with my friend and her husband but the night got quite late and he got tired and decided to have some drinks too so we ended up staying. They did not stay because they were worried about me being alone with him.

I reckon they were Op

against the back drop of your friends comments

anyway all we are doing is making the point that you need stronger boundaries given you were seriously considering accepting

What a strange thread. What are these red flags that everyone keeps mentioning, has something been deleted? What has he done apart from an invite with likely indecent intentions?
Sometimes I wonder if we have stepped back into puritan times here...

A good friend who’s known him years was saying things about him that the Op was concerned enough to start this thread.

and would you stay the night with someone you’ve met twice, not as a date but as group, and someone who is definitely a bit weird

He’s not given me any reason to be suspicious and even said that I can have my own room

what a gent 🤔

After all of that… are you going to see him again??

Yes, I had a great time and I really like him. Seeing him on Friday 😊

How far are you from him? Staying over again?

Sounds like you need to get on with the business 😉

You've met him and you like each other so just to for it. Don't let the negativity here win.

It’s not that far by car, but awful to travel by public transport at nighttime unless you want to pay a lot for a taxi.

We’re going out for dinner. The topic of staying over hasn’t been raised yet but at this rate I wouldn’t mind because I got to know him more.

To use a term of my sister “it’s time for the ceremony of the removal of the knickers”!!!!

😂😂