Am I overthinking staying over after my friend's comments about him?

[Clubsoda1]

I’ve met a guy through some friends and I really like him and the chemistry is amazing. Really funny, engaging (although a bit weird), and really good looking too.
My friend has known him for a few years which I think is a good sign. Him and I have been messaging a bit and when I told our mutual friends she was all excited but she said a few weird things but because she was a bit tipsy I don’t know if she was joking (basically alluding that he is a nice but horny bloke I think).

He did invite some of us over to his new place and also offered me to stay over as I live quite far away so it would be difficult to get back home. He’s not given me any reason to be suspicious and even said that I can have my own room but I’m a bit hesitant now following my friend’s comments. I think I’ll ask her about those tomorrow but I’m a bit annoyed with myself to be questioning things just because of some comments.

As I said he seems really nice but I don’t want to be stuck with someone who will expect me to have sex even if I’ve said that I won’t be doing anything and just sleep over. I’m not even ruling out that I want to do something but I wanted to lay the foundation that I won’t so there won’t be any expectation.

Yes I know that I’m probably making this 10 times more complicated than it needs to be but that’s unfortunately how my brain works and I have a habit of self sabotaging.

I’d ignore your friend, but be sensible, but if you feel uneasy with this guy, just book a cheapie hotel or Airbnb..

Why on earth would you ignore a presumably trusted and close friend that you had known for years?

No the activity the day after is a date. It’s just a slightly unusual thing and it’s not too far from his place. I prefer that over a coffee/ pub type of date to be honest. It’s something that I’m actually looking forward to. I think he might have been chancing it with asking me to stay over though.

How far away is “I live quite far away”?

If you are being honest - you have met him just once haven’t you? Yes of course I have met him before but only with others around too, which is when we exchanged numbers and started messaging.

Twice. But I don’t know why this is relevant?

You are joking? Yes?

You don’t know why it would be relevant how often you have met him before you stay the night alone with him? Oh dear

Sorry if mentioned but how old are you?

I don’t think it matters what answers I give because you just want to have a go at me anyway.

What on earth are you talking about?
You asked how relevant it was to say how often you’d met him in person? Surely you can understand it’s very relevant.

Sadly, plenty of women have been assaulted by men they have known for years. So how long you have known someone may not be such a useful measure.

Well let’s just say Socially meeting a man who isn’t local and with lots of people around on 2 occasions is a good benchmark for what wouldn’t be sensible to stay the night at his.

Wearing a seatbelt isn’t a guarantee
but it massively reduces the risk

People are giving you advice about protecting yourself.

Even her own friend is basically giving her a heads up

Yeah I appreciate that. Just didn’t appreciate the tone of some posters.

What posts? Or are you referring to the ones suggesting that he’s simply doing the low-effort option of jumping straight to “stay at mine” despite having met you twice in a group setting

I suspect he's engineered a situation where staying over makes sense because he wants/expects sex. Maybe he is nice....maybe he's not....you simply don't know. My advice would be to stay with your friend and meet up the day after the party for the activity and get to know him a bit better

The fact you’re even considering this @Clubsoda1 is a little concerning really.

Why on earth would this be concerning? I did stay over, but so did my friend and her husband as the night had gotten a bit messy and they didn’t want to drive.

Why would it be concerning for a woman to accept the invitation to stay the night of a man she’s met twice and not even on a date but rather in a group? AND a man that her friend has indicated may not be all as he seems?

I can’t possibly think why it might be concerning that you were considering this 🤔

I met my boyfriend of 7 years this way.

He moved in with me 18 months ago. Before that, we were spending weekend at one another's homes. He lived 2.5 hours away from me.

I did not stay at his house until we had been dating for about 4 months. Before my first weekend there, he assured me he had a spare room and I could sleep in that.

You need to ask your friend first of all about her comments. Then, if you still think you are interested in this guy, go on some dates with him. If you stay at his house, you will sleep with him. Just get to know him first.

I did not stay the night alone there, and I had asked her to clarify what she had meant with her previous comments. As I said before I am not 100% if we will be compatible but I won’t know until I get to know him better and try it. I spent Sunday with him and that was very nice.

Yes but just because my friend has known him for years and has been friends with him too.