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Original poster

Am I overthinking staying over after my friend's comments about him?

72 replies

Clubsoda1 · 24/09/2026 19:33

I’ve met a guy through some friends and I really like him and the chemistry is amazing. Really funny, engaging (although a bit weird), and really good looking too.
My friend has known him for a few years which I think is a good sign. Him and I have been messaging a bit and when I told our mutual friends she was all excited but she said a few weird things but because she was a bit tipsy I don’t know if she was joking (basically alluding that he is a nice but horny bloke I think).

He did invite some of us over to his new place and also offered me to stay over as I live quite far away so it would be difficult to get back home. He’s not given me any reason to be suspicious and even said that I can have my own room but I’m a bit hesitant now following my friend’s comments. I think I’ll ask her about those tomorrow but I’m a bit annoyed with myself to be questioning things just because of some comments.

As I said he seems really nice but I don’t want to be stuck with someone who will expect me to have sex even if I’ve said that I won’t be doing anything and just sleep over. I’m not even ruling out that I want to do something but I wanted to lay the foundation that I won’t so there won’t be any expectation.

Yes I know that I’m probably making this 10 times more complicated than it needs to be but that’s unfortunately how my brain works and I have a habit of self sabotaging.

OP posts:
itsnotalwaysthateasy · 24/09/2026 21:43

You've been chatting to someone but don't truly know them. As a woman in my 50s I certainly wouldnt stay over.
Never put yourself into a position where you are left alone in a bedroom with someone you don't truly know. It's far too dangerous.
Please think of your safety. There are so many other boys/men in the world.

Loloblue · 24/09/2026 21:53

I don't think staying over immediately is a good idea for several reasons. Sure you fancy him but it's a bit extreme no? Please be careful.

RosaNovella · 24/09/2026 21:57

@Clubsoda1
What do you mean by a bit wierd?
I wouldnt be doing this at this stage tbh

ScorpionLioness79 · 24/09/2026 22:07

So I gather your goal is not to have a fling with anyone, and that dating someone, hopefully longterm if things go well, is what you're seeking.

You say you live a bit far from. If he happens to be a player or finds you attractive but he's just that into you, he won't be putting any effort into asking you out on proper dates. For now, you'd be making the effort of going to his place and so that's no gauge on whether or not he'd actually put effort into one-on-one get togethers with you.

I'd pass on the party. If a guy won't ask you on a date within 2 weeks of talking, he's a time waster. A guy who is into you will want to be smart and not let a golden opportunity pass him by.

I'd also pass on spending big chunks of time with a new dating prospect at the very beginning. It's not a normal pace where outings should be brief at first and then build upon that time if things go well.

Don't let the fact he's cute and fun cloud you. See if he asks you on a date out in public, and then you can find out from the horse's mouth about his relationship history. I wouldn't ask a lot of details, just the length of his previous relationships, why they broke up, and when the last one ended. That should give you a clue of any pattern. If his longest relationship was 2 months or less, expect the same for you if you accept more dates after that. If he doesn't ask for a 1 on 1 date, or only invites you over to his place, your friend could be right about him.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/09/2026 22:09

Talk to him about your concerns before staying over, his reaction will tell you all you need to do, set boundaries and expectations beforehand.
It is an odd comment to make, aren’t most men horny?

SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · 24/09/2026 22:15

Don’t stay over. You barely know him.

whippersnapper55 · 24/09/2026 22:16

If you're feeling hesitant, please trust your instincts and don't go. There's no rush. Get to know him better and have a serious (sober) conversation with your friend and get to the bottom of her comments!

StarlightLady · 25/09/2026 07:44

If the chemistry was really there you would want to have sex with him. If you don’t want to have sex with him, he’s not the one for you. Certainly don’t stay over.

Dery · 25/09/2026 07:52

Another here who thinks it’s too soon for you to stay over. Do not talk to him about your concerns. He’ll just tell you what you want to hear. You’ve mentioned “weird” in connection with him - that suggests to me that you’re picking up on something energetically that doesn’t feel quite right. You need to get to know him better before taking this step and also understand better what your friend was saying. Horniness isn’t usually regarded as a problem so she’s probably suggesting that he’s a sex pest.

pastadish · 25/09/2026 08:00

Have you met him before in person or would this gathering be the first time? Has he asked you for a date, even a lunch date during the day so getting home late is not an issue?
Also why is he weird? I’d I thought someone was a bit weird I probably wouldn’t want to date them
But if you really want to go to this party then book a hotel nearby then you can go but not have to stay at his place.

Venusunbroken · 25/09/2026 08:03

Bit confused by this thread, are you the only person staying over, why would you assume he expects you to have sex?

StarlightLady · 25/09/2026 08:13

StarlightLady · 25/09/2026 07:44

If the chemistry was really there you would want to have sex with him. If you don’t want to have sex with him, he’s not the one for you. Certainly don’t stay over.

I misread this thread, so quoting myself, l hadn’t realised they had not met previously. Hence, my previous comments don’t stand. Sorry everybody.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 25/09/2026 08:16

I wouldn't stay over at a man's house until I was ready to sleep with him. Not because he should expect it or anything but it's just a sensible boundary to draw IMO. I wouldn't worry about him being nice but horny - that's the ideal 😄

Bellesbest · 25/09/2026 08:18

You are considering staying over? Op you sound too vulnerable to date and I suspect your friend is concerned

Catza · 25/09/2026 09:05

Have you or have you not met this guy in person? If not, then why would you stay at a stranger's house? Anything else aside, this seems like a weird idea.
"Nice but horny" is surely something you would encourage in a romantic interest. I'd take that over "horrible and celibate" any day. But it doesn't sound as though you've exchanged more than a handful of messages at this point so you are not even romantically involved. Why would the assumption be that you would sleep with him?

Branleuse · 25/09/2026 09:11

Can you ask your friend for clarification?

I think that I would take it on board and definitely not stay over at his till you have known him longer and feel comfortable doing so.

TheOccupier · 25/09/2026 09:25

Best to be cautious. Personally I wouldn't stay over in a man's house unless I wanted to sleep with him!

Original poster
Clubsoda1 · 25/09/2026 12:04

Sorry I didn’t expect so many responses!
Yes of course I have met him before but only with others around too, which is when we exchanged numbers and started messaging.
He has asked me out but we haven’t found the time just yet as things have been a bit hectic. He suggested an activity for the day after the party and said that it would make sense to stay over. I’m definitely attracted to him but I simply won’t want to be expected to do anything.
Regarding my comment about him being weird. He is definitely a bit weird but not in a creepy way. Unconventional and completely disinterested that others find him odd, which is quite endearing to me. He’s definitely more forward and extroverted than me.

Yeah I’ve asked my friend to clarify as I am unsure. I’m not sure if anytime else is staying over. I could probably just stay with her and her husband otherwise.

sorry for my delayed responses, this day turned out to be super hectic for me!

OP posts:
dairydebris · 25/09/2026 12:07

I'd tell him I'm not staying over but have a few bits on me just in case. I'd decide on the night and not get too drunk.

I absolutely would not stay over unless I had an absolute cast iron way to get home if necessary.

Dery · 25/09/2026 18:40

The bottom line is you're sufficiently uncertain about the proposal to have posted on MN about it which suggests to me that it's just not quite right for you. But if you're starting to lean towards staying, @dairydebris's approach sounds like a good way to play it; don't commit to anything right now and see how things unfold with a cast-iron Plan B if necessary. Or stay with your friend and her husband and go back the next day.

Original poster
Clubsoda1 · 26/09/2026 09:23

dairydebris · 25/09/2026 12:07

I'd tell him I'm not staying over but have a few bits on me just in case. I'd decide on the night and not get too drunk.

I absolutely would not stay over unless I had an absolute cast iron way to get home if necessary.

Yeah I can stay with my friend if needed. That’s a good idea. To be honest I am not 100% if we are compatible now but he has been nothing but nice so far so I’ll try it.
I told him that I’d be staying with our mutual friend and see him the day after and he was fine with that and didn’t argue. Not sure if she said something to him but I don’t think so.

OP posts:
Roosthename · 26/09/2026 15:45

Clubsoda1 · 26/09/2026 09:23

Yeah I can stay with my friend if needed. That’s a good idea. To be honest I am not 100% if we are compatible now but he has been nothing but nice so far so I’ll try it.
I told him that I’d be staying with our mutual friend and see him the day after and he was fine with that and didn’t argue. Not sure if she said something to him but I don’t think so.

Show quote history

Well that would have been bloody concerning if he’d argued about it @Clubsoda1 !

Roosthename · 26/09/2026 15:45

100% stay with your friend.
Totally bizarre not to

outerspacepotato · 26/09/2026 15:54

ScorpionLioness79 · 24/09/2026 22:07

So I gather your goal is not to have a fling with anyone, and that dating someone, hopefully longterm if things go well, is what you're seeking.

You say you live a bit far from. If he happens to be a player or finds you attractive but he's just that into you, he won't be putting any effort into asking you out on proper dates. For now, you'd be making the effort of going to his place and so that's no gauge on whether or not he'd actually put effort into one-on-one get togethers with you.

I'd pass on the party. If a guy won't ask you on a date within 2 weeks of talking, he's a time waster. A guy who is into you will want to be smart and not let a golden opportunity pass him by.

I'd also pass on spending big chunks of time with a new dating prospect at the very beginning. It's not a normal pace where outings should be brief at first and then build upon that time if things go well.

Don't let the fact he's cute and fun cloud you. See if he asks you on a date out in public, and then you can find out from the horse's mouth about his relationship history. I wouldn't ask a lot of details, just the length of his previous relationships, why they broke up, and when the last one ended. That should give you a clue of any pattern. If his longest relationship was 2 months or less, expect the same for you if you accept more dates after that. If he doesn't ask for a 1 on 1 date, or only invites you over to his place, your friend could be right about him.

This says it all.

He's asking you to spend the night at his and do something around his place the next day, not out on a date. That's low effort, and as you barely know him, not safe.

I also agree don't have these endless dates. Go on a real date, then go home. You have a life and things to do.

Roosthename · 26/09/2026 16:03

Yes low effort
As low effort as they come I would say… he doesn’t even have to bother walking out his front door