He owes me- so what’s my best plan?

[Heowesme]

I will be brief. I have been in a relationship- very loosely- for over 2 years. During that I have lent him a significant amount of money for lots of valid reasons. Him paying me back has always been about when he received an inheritance. We were in regular communication and have always got on well. No word from him since mid June. We have had periods like this before. I then discovered that he had been on holiday- presumably using money that really should have been coming my way. I have reached out twice with pleasant, non confrontational messages and in the second referenced the money. He has 2 elderly relatives that he more or less cares for so concerned something has happened . I also know that he could or should have told me though if that was the case. I’m tempted to just turn up where he drinks on a Saturday night to get a FTF conversation about what is going on. I have looked into my legal options and I have some messages and texts that reference the money being a loan. But it would cost me to go through small claims court. I am not looking to pursue any further relationship with him. I am utterly frustrated with myself for lending so much and his arrogance at ignoring me. Do I turn up at the pub? I’m fed up of this churning around my head.

What is your evidence?

My understand is small claims is not like a criminal court, it doesn't have to be beyond reasonable doubt, it just has to have evidence which shows what is probably what the likelyhood is. .. so if you have what's Apps showing conversations about the money being a loan or even from you referencing it.. it would be dated and if the other side didn't have a dated text denying that, sent in reply.. then the likelyhood is that OP understood it was a loan and had expressed that to her ex. Plus you have bank statements, texts etc.

I'm not an expert so it is worth checking. There's loads of info about this on gov.uk and you can also ask Chat (which can be wrong so needs checking) It's not a difficult form. You can do it all online. Then its a waiting game. You have to be patient.
He would then have to reply with a defence. If he doesn't bother to reply, the court will have a good reason to rule in your favour. At least you will have had the chance to have your say in your submission. And validation of your case if you are successful. But I'm not an expert so you do need to do your research. What you are asking for is fairly straightforward and you have documented contemporary evidence, whilst its not an actual loan agreement, it does (from what you've said) show your intent as far as I understand it.

Maximum amount for small claims is £10,000.

how are you going “to find out if my evidence is strong enough” @Heowesme ? By consulting a solicitor? You’ll have to pay.

@Heowesme don't let other posters make you feel this is your fault. You can go to the police about this, this is essentially a romance scam and (unlike MN apparently) they take it very seriously these days, it is not simply dismissed as you giving it willingly. He has obtained this money from you fraudulently through promises of this big inheritance, it's right out of a scammer's playbook. You can also speak to your bank.

People like this rely on you feeling too embarrassed to do anything about it. It doesn't have to be a guy on the Internet that you haven't met to be a con. Look up Christopher Malcolm who has recently been convicted in Scotland, just one example, he lived with and was engaged to some of his victims. There are action groups you can also contact. Don't take this lying down.

And frankly I don't think there would be anything wrong with calling him out on taking thousands of pounds from you and then disappearing in front of his elderly relatives, or anyone. Although you might want to get specialist advice about whether that is the best approach.

@BeEagerRubyBird thank you. Your post is very welcome. And as you have summarised the essence of what he has done I feel even more justified in my desire to hold him accountable rather than simply accepting that I am in some way to blame for allowing myself to be taken advantage of.
My plans are on hold though as today I am coming to terms with a sudden death within my own family.
I will update the thread as soon as I have taken the next step. Thank you

This is great advice. A great way to approach it