He owes me- so what’s my best plan?

[Heowesme]

I will be brief. I have been in a relationship- very loosely- for over 2 years. During that I have lent him a significant amount of money for lots of valid reasons. Him paying me back has always been about when he received an inheritance. We were in regular communication and have always got on well. No word from him since mid June. We have had periods like this before. I then discovered that he had been on holiday- presumably using money that really should have been coming my way. I have reached out twice with pleasant, non confrontational messages and in the second referenced the money. He has 2 elderly relatives that he more or less cares for so concerned something has happened . I also know that he could or should have told me though if that was the case. I’m tempted to just turn up where he drinks on a Saturday night to get a FTF conversation about what is going on. I have looked into my legal options and I have some messages and texts that reference the money being a loan. But it would cost me to go through small claims court. I am not looking to pursue any further relationship with him. I am utterly frustrated with myself for lending so much and his arrogance at ignoring me. Do I turn up at the pub? I’m fed up of this churning around my head.

Oh dear.

Ok ok go for small claims and let us know how you get on

in the meantime, please don’t for the pub confrontation notion

@Heowesme
You got very badly burned
Accept you're not going to ever see that money again and
Because you've learned this lesson the very hard way you'll never make that mistake again.....

Talk to the legal helpline you have via work.

Do you have his home address for any legal letter ?

Talk to the legal helpline you have via work.

Do you have his home address for any legal letter ?

@PJ98
But was there ever really an inheritance?
He mightve parroted back what he found out about @Heowesme to his advantage

He’s a nasty conman. To be honest, the vindictive part of me would confront him and make sure everyone locally knew he’d taken me for a ride. You never know how many others he’s conning at the same time!

It was a friend and I had messages agreeing the money was a loan. That was all that was needed.

Tell him if he doesn't pay up then you'll take him to the small claims court. That will affect his credit score/ability to borrow in the future.
Sometimes just the threat of legal action is enough.

I have that scheme with my employer, they won’t be able to help you much more than googling it or using chat GPT, I know from experience unfortunately when trying to get more specific family law advice.

He’s ignoring you because he has absolutely no intention of paying you back, so for him it is necessary.

Yes I would want to expose him.

Get him on Facebook and at least you can maybe stop someone else making the same mistake.

Thank you for all the advice and opinions! I had a chat about this with my friend and she also strongly suggested that I follow the legal route.
I understand the straight talking from some of you and would probably feel the same way if I read this thread.
I will update if there is any progress in the next couple of weeks but thank you for taking the time to comment. It’s helped to get the objective views and sound advice.

So will you be submitting a small claim?

and you have definitely please decided against the pub show down?

Online says before you use the court system, you must give them one final formal opportunity to pay. Send a physical letter to their address via Royal Mail Signed For (so you have proof of delivery) State the exact amount owed, the dates the loans were given, a summary of your evidence (e.g., "As agreed in our text messages on such and such date etc"), and provide your bank details so he can make payment. Gives him a strict deadline from the date of the letter to pay the full amount or agree to a formal payment plan. And state clearly that if payment is not received by the deadline, you will initiate legal proceedings through the County Court. If he ignores the letter or refuse to pay, you can apply to a county court to claim money you’re owed. This is known as making a court claim. It often used to be known as taking someone to a ‘small claims court’. You can apply online or by post via the www.gov.uk make court claim for money Court Claims Portal. Its said to be a straightforward process designed for people without solicitors. And clearly lists the fee. Says Up to £300 £35
£300.01 to £500 £50
£500.01 to £1,000 £70
£1,000.01 to £1,500 £80
£1,500.01 to £3,000 £115
£3,000.01 to £5,000 £205
£5,000.01 to £10,000 £455
£10,000.01 to £200,000 5% of the claim
More than £200,000 £10,000.

The court will serve the paperwork to him, and he will be legally required to respond. Hope this helps and wishing you the best luck! Good for you - hes mistaken your kindness for weakness. Now your taking your power back!

If the Op is going to refer to WhatsApp messages as “evidence”…. He could very easily WhatsApp back saying“he doesn’t know what she’s talking about as she agreed not to pursue it”

Sure he could, but she said she had earlier messages referring to it as a loan where he didn't dispute that. It will look like what it is -a lie - if he only now makes this claim.

Given what you say about the proof you have, I would definitely use the small claims process if the amount is under the limit. It really is a reasonable level of costs so please don’t let that put you off. By all means get legal advice if you have that available to you but you don’t need it for small claims. It’s designed for a lay person to use. The letter before action may be enough to get him to open his purse. Lastly I guess I don’t need to reiterate this but please learn from this going forwards and keep your money for yourself.

I read the proof as being some WhatsApp messages? Surely he could just send a message saying “but you said when we met up that it was a gift!!”

A WhatsApp texts and messages referencing a loan show intent. It’s not brilliant but it IS proof.

If he send a message saying ‘but it was a gift’, OP shoots back immediately ‘no it wasn’t - here are the texts to prove it.

And he says… but you said in person that it was a gift. In fact you said it on front of (insert friend or family member)

I leant an ex 10k. I took him to court for it. The court put a charge on his home, added legal fees and interest. I got 17k back in the end. It's definitely worth pursuing court if he has assets.

And OP says 'no I didn't'. Plus she still has the original messages where it's mentioned as a loan and he agrees.

You seem very keen on the idea that he can just deny this later on and that would be what the court takes notice of, not anything said earlier. Doesn't sound that believable to me.

Or just becomes a back of forth of…. Give me the money and but you said you’d gift instead. Good luck whatever you decide

Thank you for the further thoughts and suggestions.
No update from me apart from I didn’t go to the pub. I have work and family commitments for the next few days so I’ll see if there’s an opportunity to take some action later in the week. I’ve had a busy/stressful summer ( for other reasons) so giving myself a little time to decompress before my next move. I will be doing something to try to ensure he doesn’t just get to walk away and not be held accountable but I need to find out , as some have said, if my evidence is strong enough.

Also when I went to court I was advised that money lent is assumed to be a loan and the onus is on the borrower to prove it was a gift. If you'd bought him a watch or a holiday then that would be a different matter.